The night before Christmas and all through the rain, the only thing stirring was the rage and the pain.

No stockings to hang by the chimney, who cares? No children, no presents, no Santa right there.

I lay here in pain no nice dreams for me. Just pain, misery and nightmares to be.

Sweet darkness calls for me, I won't make a peep. Alas again, I'm only asleep.

Tick Tock
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
Time never Stops
It haunts me
It taunts me
But sleep never arrives

Tick Tock
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
Sleep isn't here
It taunts me
It haunts me
But it never appears

Tick Tock
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
I've been waiting for hours
It taunts me
It haunts me

When the night is cold and dark. When the rain is pounding hard.
When the fears come running back.
That's when you haunt me.

When the peace is finally here.
When my mind has finally stopped.
When the days don't seem so bad.
That's when you haunt me.

When the pain is finally gone.
When I think I'm finally done.
When you stop crossing my mind.
That's when you taunt me.

Why won't you leave me alone.

As the world crumbles around me all I can see is the sweet relief of death looking at me from beyond the veil of my happiness. It's always there, begging me forth. It's there when I'm alone and when I'm not. Asking me when is it time, when will you join me.
I'm drowning in the endless depths of my mind, adrift in the seas of my loneliness. Wanting so bad to finally stop struggling against the current. But those who need me here each have a lifeline tied around my soul. I stay for you.
I'm not the monster I've been painted to be, just a man in pain. There is a great and mighty beast within me, ready to pounce the moment I'm ready. Ready to **** and devour me when I can no longer fight.
There are many in my head who fight for control. Some are stronger than others and they win more than they lose. When they are in control I don't know who I am but I can't stop them. I add my strength to the ones I want to win, but some days we all lose.
The Sun and Moon. Light and dark. Heat...life... Happiness. Or. Cold...death... lifelessness. They rise and fall like the tides. I've got no control.
The silence is when I'm happiest. Just me and my monsters. No one to hurt or be hurt by. No one wants me. I don't blame them, I don't want me either. Too many people. Too close. Touching me. I don't like it. But they won't go away.

I wake up some days and I'm fine, I'm free as can be to be who I want.
Other days, I wake up in an endless pit of despair. Unable to shake the feeling that I'm not good enough.

I've woken up to the feeling that people are watching me and are trying to get me. That around the next corner a masked monster is waiting for me. Ready to **** me and take my soul. I hate these days, they scare me.

I've woken up and felt like I could do anything. The world is mine for the taking, ready for me to reach out and grab it. I've grabbed it and taken it for everything it has to offer. I love these days, they make me feel alive.

I've woken up and wondered why I shouldn't reach over and take the pills I keep so close just in case I decide to end it. To end the pain. To end the seemingly endless torture that wrecks my life. These days hurt my soul.

I ask myself a lot of questions. Why am I here? Why can't I be normal? Why doesn't anyone want me? What's wrong with me? Why do I have to be a coward when it comes to ending it? Why can't I just go through with it? Why? Why? Why?!

I just want to stop the pain in my head, I want it all to go away. I want to die, to sleep forever. Would nothing feel better than what I feel now?

I can't give up. I won't give up. I'll never give up. But some days I do come close. These days are the worst because I know I'm better than this. I'll keep fighting my demons until I control them. This is my life. This is MY life.

Sometimes
Sometimes I'm like the ocean, strong and powerful.
Sometimes I'm like a boat battered by the swell, hard to breath hard to see, hard to move.

Sometimes I'm at the top of Mount Everest, standing tall like no other.
Sometimes I'm at the bottom of the Mariana's Trench, surrounded by unendurable pressure.

Sometimes I'm the tallest redwood, strong and unbreakable.
Sometimes I'm a sapling pine, broken at the slightest touch.

I can be the mountain, immoveable, unforgiving, unshakable.
I can be the anthill, easily crushed beneath the boot of a child.

I can be the storm, mighty and destructive. Terrifying to behold in my chaos, yet beautiful at the same time. I bring pain, I bring fury, I bring the destruction. I bring hope, I bring calm, I bring rebuilding.