I wake up some days and I'm fine, I'm free as can be to be who I want.
Other days, I wake up in an endless pit of despair. Unable to shake the feeling that I'm not good enough.

I've woken up to the feeling that people are watching me and are trying to get me. That around the next corner a masked monster is waiting for me. Ready to **** me and take my soul. I hate these days, they scare me.

I've woken up and felt like I could do anything. The world is mine for the taking, ready for me to reach out and grab it. I've grabbed it and taken it for everything it has to offer. I love these days, they make me feel alive.

I've woken up and wondered why I shouldn't reach over and take the pills I keep so close just in case I decide to end it. To end the pain. To end the seemingly endless torture that wrecks my life. These days hurt my soul.

I ask myself a lot of questions. Why am I here? Why can't I be normal? Why doesn't anyone want me? What's wrong with me? Why do I have to be a coward when it comes to ending it? Why can't I just go through with it? Why? Why? Why?!

I just want to stop the pain in my head, I want it all to go away. I want to die, to sleep forever. Would nothing feel better than what I feel now?

I can't give up. I won't give up. I'll never give up. But some days I do come close. These days are the worst because I know I'm better than this. I'll keep fighting my demons until I control them. This is my life. This is MY life.

Sometimes
Sometimes I'm like the ocean, strong and powerful.
Sometimes I'm like a boat battered by the swell, hard to breath hard to see, hard to move.

Sometimes I'm at the top of Mount Everest, standing tall like no other.
Sometimes I'm at the bottom of the Mariana's Trench, surrounded by unendurable pressure.

Sometimes I'm the tallest redwood, strong and unbreakable.
Sometimes I'm a sapling pine, broken at the slightest touch.

I can be the mountain, immoveable, unforgiving, unshakable.
I can be the anthill, easily crushed beneath the boot of a child.

I can be the storm, mighty and destructive. Terrifying to behold in my chaos, yet beautiful at the same time. I bring pain, I bring fury, I bring the destruction. I bring hope, I bring calm, I bring rebuilding.