MAUERBAUERTRAURIGKEIT
I have loved and been hurt
Several times in my life
So now people I don’t trust
Though I love them anyway
I keep them now at arm’s length
For it is safe that way
I don’t wish to cause pain
I don’t want others to suffer
Or my betrayal so gain
The term Mauerbauertraurigkeit I did discover
It explained the walls around me
Making me appear stuck up, you see
But my fear I cannot overcome
Though I try to break some
Yet from strangers I stay aloof
And push them away like a goof
The term Mauerbauertraurigkeit appears in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. Mauerbauertraurigkeit refers to the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends whose company you generally enjoy—like a poker player who keeps folding a promising hand in order to avoid the pain of losing, or tamp down the urge to go all-in.
It is derived from the German “Mauerbauer”, to denote a wall-builder and “Traurigkeit”, which means sadness.