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May 2020 · 98
Purple Betrayal
Truth behind May 2020
My world is black with shades of blue. Was born in red and yellow. It grew to be green and gray. But one day it became darker than a rose but lighter than a crow. I did not understand what color this was. This new hue of life was filled bliss. Although it had no form. No pattern. No path. No control. This new color gave me an unwavering satisfaction unlike no other. Nothing was predictable so everything was surprising. While also giving sight to the colors of the lives of my fellow peers. But remember...
It has no form.

One day it changed. There was no more bliss. No more zest. No more satisfaction. No more surprises. Clarity was limited to only my insight on others. This color I lived in was transformed into a slowly steeping cliff covered in glass and serpents. Every step was painful. Every encounter was poisonous. Until the cliff was vertical. The fall felt like an endless abyss for what felt an aeon. Accelerating with every second until............

I'm in pain. There's no light around me. I can't see. My legs are destroyed. I do not know where I am. All I can do is drag on and on with every painful movement making me forget the pain from the previous movement. Eventually I come across a dim, white light. I huddle around the light until I can walk again. My legs will never be the same. I carry my white light until I can find my world again. For this light does not belong to me. Once I regain my stability and my world, this light will disappear... forever

I find my world again. But this time it is covered in many grotesque colors that I have never seen before. All changing simultaneously. I find no comfort. No stability. No peace. Everything is chaos. Every movement is torture. Every step is invaded. There is no way back.
But I do find a pond of constantly still water. I sit down to drink and feel all my vision slip away leaving only me, the pond, and what seems to be my reflection. It asks me "How long will you stay in this color?" I respond with another question. "How do you consider this a color?" It gives off a confused glare and answers "You see many colors right now, don't you?" I answer with equal confusion "You can see it? Do you understand what is happening?" It looks at me with pity, let's down a tear and continues "You had escaped total darkness not too long ago after a treacherous fall. Correct?" I respond "Yes?" He then asks "Before this was a cliff covered in glass and serpents. Before that was what seemed to be a wonderful world of randomness turned to despair and dullness." I am in shock. "How do you know all of this?" He steps through the pond to join me and says "That color is purple. And it has never changed. The bliss. The despair. The darkness. The evil colors you have seen before this pond. All of it was purple." I am distraught. "But how is this color changing colors?" I ask. "Because they are not yours. You are still walking in darkness. You shouldn't have let that white light slip away." I weep in terror. "But how do you know about the light?" I ask. He grabs my shoulders as if to comfort me then bares a sinister grin. He then leans in to say "I am purple." And then throws me into the pond. I submerge until I float between blue of the lit pond above and the pitch black below where I have been and will be. Holding my breath. Forever alone. Weeping soundlessly. All that brings me joy is the memories of other colors.

But I wonder to myself every now and then. Will everything always be purple?.......
Colors all have meaning. And they also all have purpose. Every stage of life does too.
Jun 2017 · 355
Science =mind, God=heart
Truth behind Jun 2017
Life is a wonderful blessing.  It is a mystery that baffles even the smartest of us humans in the world. Why are we here? What is our purpose?  How did this all happen? Some look to science to see what they feel is proof. Others look to religion to find what they feel is Faith. Both find something, but neither feel it is enough. The scientist searches for more evidence. The religious man searches for more pages to understand. Both end the same, needing more. When they're answer comes will they be happy or will they be disappointed. The scientist will realize there isn't enough answers to his disposal. Not enough explanation to rest his head. All he has is hypothesis and theory. The religious man will realize that the bible seems very perplexing. Very contradicting. When he feels a higher power is speaking to him it could either be God or Lucifer but he must have enough strength to see the difference. Lucifer can speak in many ways and all the time, but God only speaks to you in one way and will only show it in rarity. Both directions, science and religion, seem confusing on their own. Different but the same. All people believe they're different, but why can't they be the same. Science may drift away from God and lead to many dead ends. Why can't God be the answer? If Jesus wasn't real then why did we start counting from year 1?  Religion tells you how to live a good life but not how life literally came to be. It speaks with many metaphors and intricate meanings. Why can't science be the literal meaning for how God created us? In life we have choices and usually religion and science is one of them. Are we correct to think they are different, or foolish for not thinking they are one in the same? Our bodies are biologically convenient to our survival. Our minds however can perceive things that science can't understand or can't see. I believe that God exist and speaks to you through key points in your life. I also believe that science is not only proof to our existence, but proof of the Lord himself. Whether I'm a fool to believe something I can't see, or a sinner for denying the being who gave me life, I understand. Science makes me look like my parents. God helps me know why I have them specifically. Science helps me know the answers the bible can't explain. God helps me know that there is a reason for everything leading to this very moment. When these cards reveal themselves to you, will you play them separately or together?
An argument with one's own self towards two very different yet similar subjects. Struggling to find what they truly believe until they have their own idea.
Jun 2017 · 210
Feelings
Truth behind Jun 2017
I can not touch you, but you can touch me. You tell too much most of the time, but sometimes not enough. You  lack logic yet have your own. Wrong be it may, but there's a method to your madness. Sometimes you make me feel ignorant, but when you are well you make me feel special. For no one understands the way you are like I do. They deal with their own that make them special as well. You are the reason I suffer and the reason I heal.
From: me
To: emotions
I've always felt I was over emotional. I  felt the only way to cope with them was to find peace in acceptance. After this poem I felt more control over them than ever.
Jun 2017 · 554
Blind man's reality
Truth behind Jun 2017
As I gaze upon reality, I disgust myself for being it's greatest release. For reality now and reality then are but pieces of it's story that cannot predict reality tomorrow. I've watched reality grow. From it's dark yet blissful past to it's bliss yet darkened present. Why? I ask myself every moment that I gaze upon it. Beauty is one of my strongest joys. A joy that coped away all pains of reality, now tainted by lack of beauty, but flourished with desire for it. The world before my time is only a dream in my thoughts as I lay. A place of meaning, simplicity, understanding; a place of wisdom and freedom being one to overcome ignorance and containment; a place where truth prospered and deceit had no strength against the forces of true beauty. I only wonder how my life would write itself in this world that I hold no absolute truth. I only know what has been written since a fetus and thus far. Confusion tis what blinds my ability to find glory where glory seems indefinite.
Faith, hope, potential, understanding. The gifts bestowed upon me by his greatness. Gifts that push me further than those before me. A uniqueness that creates me through my name. Mateo, Mateus, Matayo, Mateias, all with meaning of blessings and change. A change that this so-called  reality yearns for. I hear the voice of greatness begging that I continue with the war that I fight against the darkness that surrounds me in this world. So I fight, for this battle stands for more than beauty, peace, love, wisdom, unity. This battle is fought by me for truth. For only this shall break our chains that hold us from the grace that we seek in living. I, aware of my Destiny, choose not my Destiny. For my life is written, however I shall write my pages as I please for I choose my own Destiny. I choose my own Faith. I choose the path set before me with lead to whatever foot I select to lead. In that I find my freedom. In that I find truth. In that I find beauty. In only that...I find Reality. But this is only a mere shard of what I seek. A mere fragment of the battle that holds itself beyond my very eyes. A man of many wars, many philosophies,many strengths. And yet a man of many Fears, many pains, and many tears spawned by the clouds that make my lens and condensated from the sadness that is created in mind. I stand in limbo as I view this world and come to realize one statement of pure significance. This is not reality. But what is reality? Do you wonder? Do you know? No. You live in it yet do not know where you are. Lost but Found is who I am but you are Found but Lost. Difference being awareness. I see what isn't through strength and complexity in my perception. You see through desire and simplicity in a dead man's eye. Blind. You see what is wanted and given. You see what your eyes lay, as Beauty in her sleep. You see what your mind craves as a leopard craves a gazelle but can't run, for it has let it's mind steal it's legs with utter deceit. Do you wish to know what I see? I see behind the curtain where the actors perform. I see the black feather of the white dove. I see the things that your mind refuses to see. The beautiful light that you can't appreciate that is the sun. The strength in the weak man's heart that you shun and harm because of their flaws. The words that you, not can't, but won't pronounce, being for what you believe as difficult. I see what you believe you see.
Reality.
When I was confused about the world I decided to look deeper past the things that lowered my hope. When I found enlightenment in this search I suddenly came to a realization. Thus, this poem was born.

— The End —