It changes like sessions. Why? I don’t understand. Last summer it was hard. Thinking I wanted too die with the blade in hand cutting away. Seeing blood knowing I could do this was unbearable. It scared me. But this time everything seemed too get better but this tiredness still inside still hunting me. Now, a year later and those scary thoughts are back. I have someone who loves me and I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll give up and hurt him. He’s the reason i haven’t shut down. I even talk too him about my feeling. But he thinks he’s doing this too me but he’s not he’s the only thing that makes me feel okay.

Rip it from my chest
Save me from this feelings that keeps returning. Never kiss my lips again with the love that feels so real. This life wasn’t mine it belongs too my demons that over power my decision. I want too fall into your arms but I can’t hurt the one I love the most with these ungrateful feeling I have for you. You had the thing that beats in the chest that longs for you. But my love wasn’t meant for the one who hurt me the most. My heart was glass fragile yes but clear no. It fell so easy and had beaten to strong for the one who wasn’t in my arms. I know the heart wants what it wants but i know this time it’s wrong. The one that I have is the one who I love the the most. The one my heart longs for is just lust that never made its way too becoming love.