I miss safety of the walls so white,
I miss some respite from the fight.
Now I’m out, the world resumes,
Its shouting halls,
Its crowded rooms,
Its duties piled like broken stone.
And I, a splintered soul alone.

They see a smile, a box now ticked
"You're better, right?" as if I’m fixed.
But healing hides in distant air,
A far-off place, I don’t know where.

The urges come like crashing tides,
The sharp relief the dark provides.
To see the pain. To make it real.
A twisted way to try and feel.

I crave to cry, release the flood.
Can’t hold this pain, without the blood.
They lean on me with open hands,
and I collapse like windblown sand.

Still, somewhere deep,
A flicker stays,
A hope too small to count in days.
I walk still trembling through this storm.
Still shattered,
Broken,
Fragile,
Worn.

You took my voice.
You took my joy.
You gave me a secret to bury deep with my shame.
You took my dignity, my self-esteem, my sense of worth,
‘til a rising storm of hatred birthed.

You gave me pain.
Hot and sticky, leaking slowly from me.
Another thing to hide.
You gave me fear,
Shaking, silent tears.

I have to get it out, this molten rage I borrow.
I have to cut it out, and watch it seep like sorrow,
A throbbing torture of disgust and repulsion.

I need to get deeper, maybe you’re there?
You have to get out, before I don’t care,
And that last thread is broken.

I can’t do it though can I?
That fierce, final rush.
Because I’m worth something to someone,
And that you can’t touch.

You took and you gave, you take and you give,
But you’ll never take my reason to live.

One day there will be more than just one,
If I can cling on.
One day at a time.
I am more than my body; my soul is still mine.