It's the color of your blood as it rises to your skin
It's the color of what's supposed to be love but in reality is hate
It's the color your skin turns when you take a hot shower
It's the the color your eyes turn when you've been up all night
It's the color of when he walks into the room and you get little butterflies
It's the color of your teachers lips
It's the color roses you get from a secret admirer with the note that says stay strong
It's the color you paint on your own little canvas
It's the color of relief and emptiness
It's the color of the last little bit of hope you hold on to

I thought this day would never come
but here i am
sitting in this crowded room
filled with silence
Distant sounds coming from down the hall
i stare out the windows
watching the wind blow the empty branches
back and forth
like a game of volleyball
i here the sounds of birds singing
their little songs
back and forth
passing back the messages that they can only understand
i sit there in this crowded room
filled with silence as fas as the ear can hear

I understand now
Why I have always been a reminder of the ocean
The ocean because you can almost always tell how I'm feeling
The ocean because you can almost never see how I can be so blank
The ocean because I am always laughing or smiling
But  the ocean because I am a sad person
I see how much I am like the ocean
Because of my anger
Because of my strength
Because of my weakness
The ocean and I are two that are destined to become one sooner or later
I am one with the ocean that has beauty just as I do
That has mystified all those who come across us
I am a sad person who laughs all the time
Who is angry but is always smiling
Who is strong enough to keep her emotions locked inside but is too weak to hold it all together when things start to crumble
I am apart of the oceans crashing waves
I am the one who brings peace in her front pocket and the one who brings destruction in her back pocket
I am the walking waves of the oceans wrath
I am the walking beauty that holds death
I am the walking prison that holds everything in its path captive
I am the walking waves that no one can get behind
I am the one who's mind and heart go as deep as the oceans floor
If you see me please run and find shelter because once caught up in in the roaring water you can never escape
I am the ocean and the ocean is me

And finally I could see her
For what she really was
A porcelain doll with cracks all in her spine
And pretty pale blue eyes filled with incredible wonders
Like Cinderella but in reverse
She does not have a prince waiting to rescue her
She does not have a happy ending waiting to be claimed only by her
But she does have a glass dress almost the same as the glass slipper
But that's just a detail to a story less girl so hopeful
And so clueless
Not seeing what lies in store
Such a pretty little porcelain doll upon the pedestal
Can't wait for the happy ending
Which is greeted at deaths doors

Rewinding time is all I seem to be doing
But now it seems that the tape keeps going
Here I go back to the one place I thought I have risen above
Back to a place that I longer call home
Goodbyes aren't ready to be said in that town
They just come as you think it has all stopped
To when you think you have no more cries left in you
When rewinding was all fun
It seemed to be that I hit the button to hard
And when it stopped it took me back to here
The town of misery
The town for which I am not ready to go back
So maybe this is a mistake or meant to be
I guess I'll just try to stall and try to fix
What cannot be fixed
But anything I can do to stop rewinding
And hit play

He loved me,
He loved me with all his heart, he told me
I used to believe in him too
All was but a lie and I was left here for the dead
He told me he loved me
He said with all his heart
But in the end I was the one left in the dark alley way
He said he loved me
But yet it was all a lie
A big misunderstanding he says
But for me every last word that spilled over my tongue and out of lips into the brisk alley way air
It was all true
And still has a strong meaning
He said he loved me
He said with all his heart he loved me
But you see how love ends with 'D'
It's past tense
Meaning everything he said to me was all but a big fairy tale
Which left me in peices on the alley way floor

I was at some party that is and was just like all the other totally forgettable parties
    And there she was the most unforgettable thing I have ever come across
     I mean she was so confusingly beautiful and it made me want to know what would happen if I got closer
      But I didn't know how to move my feet and I found myself at a loss for words to even begin to explain her beauty
     So I stood there and watched from a distance but watching her just made me infatuated with what I knew I could not have

Fear
fear what does it mean?
Fear the feelimg you get when your mind comes to think of something unknown
inhuman
fear the choice your mind decides before you start to process it
fear.
Fear is a choice
It is a choice you make even if you dont realize it
fear doesn't shut you down
it wakes you up
fear the one thing thay can bring you to rushing thoughts
of death and conclusions that have an end you chose not to think about too deeply
fear.
Fear the state of mind you dont travel to too often
fear the place you find yourself when you have woundering thoughts
of the horrendous things of unknown
fear whay does it mean?
Fear

I'm really tired and annoyed of what I did last night
I feel like I was high, breathing in the smoke that's reality
Dancing in the streets
Singing at the top of my lungs
Pretending that everything I see tonight is real
Kicking at the ground sending broken glass in every direction
Listening to it shatter and bobbing my head like its my favorite song
The pictures are fading but I'm not paying attention
I'm too busy trying to fix my problems
With all the wrong solutions
Breaking the glass cage that separated me from all my worst demons
Gonna have a party that'll never end
Sleeping with all the skeletons in my closet wondering how they all ended up in such a small room when there's so many of them
Waking up with music playing in the back ground
As I take it all in
Better be ready for what comes after what I've just done

It all happened so quick
unknown
like to just be any regular day
going the same pace
to an ordinary day going so
blue streak
all i can think is my heartbeat
once so steady in a rhythm of the wind on a breathless night
now its all of the matter of time
when everyrhing just stops
quiet
thats all i here
quiet
oh what a lovely sound
the sound of breaking
the sound of nothimg
this is my music
my days with no end
are filled with this soumd
queit

I shouldn't have done anything I should've never said a word I shouldn't have looked at you and smiled on that very first day
Because maybe you'd be safe
If I had ignored you and pushed you away just like I'd do with all the others
Maybe you wouldn't be under my spell
I don't want to hear the words you say to me almost every day for I know that once the spell is over you'll never be free
I should've left you alone and never tried to help because now you will never be able to leave and will be stuck in this glass jar with me
If I had never said hello there would be no hard goodbyes and if I never said a word you'd be far from a broken heart

.