Unsure if its clarity
Or just simply bliss
But sure its a rarity
To feel like this

Unsure if its quiet
Or just peace in my head
But sure that I like it
So keep me in bed

Half of me
Wants to change
Half of me
Wants a dose
Half of me
Needs to be better
Half of me
Needs to feel worse
All of me
Knows what I am
But I only feel like
Half of me

Sometimes I
Wonder if
Nothing that
Has happened
To me
Did happen
Would I
Be different
Maybe better
Offered salvation
Everything that
I'm not
Guess I
Won't know

Wallow in the joy
Celebrate in the misery
Never watered the roses
Always played with the thorns
Dying under a rainbow
Living peacefully in the storm
Drink the blood
Waste the champagne
Keep rotting with time
To bide it entirely backwards

You can consider me
Your favorite
Disciple
I would follow you
Until my
Death

With that said
Take my hand and I will
Dedicate
Myself to you
And even when I turn to
Dust
You will find me
Waiting

Divination
Sought out
By Dreamers
Sinners who
Held out
Desperation
Controls those
Who Don't
Wanna Die
Without somewhere
To belong
Pleading for
Deliverance
Enticing Dogma
You Don't
Believe in

You say things
I don't understand
Tell me I'm free to go
But still under your hand
You do things
I question and you lie
Tell me I'm free to go
Only way I'll be free is if I die

The hills are rolling green
The clouds rambling white
The stars sparkling yellow
The roses bleeding red
The roads defining black
The moon paling blue

The feeling of going colorblind
Reduced to monochrome
The feeling of losing your color
Forfeiting your brilliance to the world

The hills
The clouds
The stars
The roses
The roads
The moon
All going grey

Now you are colorless
Reduced to
The total loss of
Having forfeited your liveliness

You make it difficult
To write about loss
And tragedy
And heartbreak
And all the other things
I start writing something
You just smiling
Just looking in my direction
Is enough to wash it away
You ask what I'm writing
I answer honestly
And say nothing
Because what I was going to
Isn't as beautiful and joyous
As you

I pray that you hate me
You nail me to the wall of shame
You drown me in the river of tears
You throw me off the edge of the cliff
You slaughter me in your nightmares
You set me ablaze in the darkest forest
I pray that you forget me
So you can find who
You were supposed to all along
So you can find who
You are supposed to become
I pray that you

Somehow it feels
I've been misplaced
Shouldn't be here now
Wishing I had been there then
Somehow it feels
I've been replaced
Can't be there now
Praying I'll be there then

i know
the meds
keep me
steady
but then
when things
become very
choppy
one med
turns to two
two to three
and i start to
lose all of me

when it comes
there's that
feeling
and now everything
begins to
slip
when it passes
there's no
feeling
and now everything
continues to
slip

You are my
Everything
And that may
Seem bold
But what's really bold
Is how you stormed
Into my life
Even though
You were always there
Eagerly waiting
And now
I can't and don't
Want to leave your
Embrace

every ten seconds
feels like a thousand years
every time i laugh
know ive cried a thousand tears

every time i wince
know ive always been in pain
every time the sun pokes out
feels like i worry about rain

I live in my own creation
Or I live in a godless simulation
Eh, its about the same.

Peeling the mask away
Chipping at this facade
Jumping from the tight rope act
Finding the person I thought was lost
Pleading for the time to be right

as much as you
stabbed me in the back
as much as i
slit both of my wrists
as much as you
squeezed my heart
as much as i
claimed to be alright
suppose you should know
you can't **** something
that has already died

Heartbreak
Fueling my hands
With the richest
Form of
Getting lost
I am nothing
But the words
That I write
And now
Reality has
Blended
My life
Into dreams
Altering them
Into nightmares
I am drowning
In drink
Silence
And subtleties
The unsaid
Can’t cry
Empty eyes
And
Photographed smiles.

Guilty pleasures
Rooted in
Traumatic treasures

You can either
Turn off the lights
Or we can sit
And both go to therapy

please know that
i would die
if there was
a universe
that had a place
for me
so why am i
pretending i belong
in this reality
where i am not
even enough
for me

I'm working two jobs
Just to get by
Time seems to be flying
And I know why
My money goes away, so does my day
It's empty, and I mean my pockets
Have a short fuse, don't set me off
I'm like a ******* nuclear rocket
Can't seem to escape
This ****** head space
So for now I'll just keep rockin'

Daydreaming
About saying hello again
And never saying goodbye

Daydreaming
About seeing you smile
And it never fading away

Daydreaming
About playing in the stars
And never coming back down

Lay my cards on the table
Only to see yours are better
Stretch my bloodied hands out
Only to see yours are clean
Hide in the cemetery
Only to see you

This feeling
In the gut
The butterflies
Turn to termites
What made you
Stir inside
Is now eating
You alive
And now you are left
Rotting

Where will you be
When the party ends
Metaphorically I ask
Will you be covered
In golden glitter
Or passed out in the front yard
Like a drunken ***
Will you be safe at home
Cause your friends cared
Or jumping over fences
Cause they gave up on you
Will you be the one upstairs
With someone you shouldn't
Or praying to something for help
When you thought you wouldn't
The party always ends

Starting over
Is a lot like
Getting on plane
To go somewhere new
You have to rid of
Everything heavy
The baggage that
Has brought you down
You have to remember the person
In the old photo
Of your passport
You need to learn to accept
That what you know is gone
And you can drag yourself
Into visiting the past
Only to find that
Nobody else will be there waiting

Tie the noose
Only to be hung upside down
Call the time
Only for the clock to rewind
Close the curtains
Only to hear calls for an encore
Reach for the gun
Only to have no ammunition

i had a sweeter soul
when you weren't my chemical
and
i had a softer touch
when you weren't in my head so much
and
i had a cleaner conscience
when you weren't my constants
and
i wasn't who you were thinking of
when you were thinking love
and
now you apologize
sorrowful words
coated thick in
virulent lies

You chase
Till I fall
You watch
As I tumble
You leave
When I hit
The bottom

Contemplate suicide
Yet worry about death
The man I was
Died a long time ago
The man I am
Will die soon
And the man I'll become
Will die eventually
This may sound depressing
But when you realize
I'm becoming somebody
I never thought I would be
Just for her
And to eventually lay to rest
With her
You realize it's the most beautiful
Love story ever told.

Its the way
You praise me
Call me yours
Break me down
In the best way
You make me weak
And feel strong
So throw me
And hold me
Call me
Well you know