I want to be me

One of the hardest things in my life is being me
As a child it’s like running so easy, I worry
Of nothing and laughter comes easily,
Then like a bean sprout, change begins to happen,
I am no longer a child, but a juvenile
The present and future or now on my shoulder,
But the present is worst.

As an eight year old child I once said
I looked forward to being an adult
As I would get to do as I please,
But my reality is the pressure of my parents
The stress to study, to now force myself to make
Time for others so I don't lose friends,
Being called 'boring' or 'anti-social' for just wanting to be alone,
Being told a lie by peer pressure that "everyone is doing it"
Now I am grieving, I have loss myself to my surrounding
I want to be me again.

Now I am Exhausted I no longer want to care,
I want the feeling of drowning to pass so I can breathe
I want the pressure placed upon me by
My surrounding leave my shoulders
I want my present to make me happy,
So the future is not feared,
I want to smile and it’s not force
I want to be me.

The butterflies warm my insides just by the sight of him,
My dreams are of him caressing me,
Feather like touches all over my person,
Finally the heat of the moment falls upon us,
Clothes begun to disappear, our love making becomes heated,
Until we both are breathless and have reached our highest peak,
He then holds me until our hearts feel connected, never wanting to let go,
But I can only want him from a distance,
As like the fruits in the Garden of Eden, he is forbidden to me.