It's usually around this time i start to realize that things in my life are kinda not real, and i fall into a state of de-realization. i start to think of everything and all things.Like how my futures gonna end up?
Am i gonna be the same person?
Who knows?
I realize now that i'm not the same person i was as a child,
and i don't know if i'm ok with it?
I used to be so social and naive, but weren't we all?
Aren't we all?
I've become more distant from everyone,and that my emotions no longer feel familiar to me.
I sometimes think i'm crazy.
Then i think that thought is crazy and dumb.
After these thoughts i look at my clock that reads in bright red
analog numbers that it was only 10:39,and i think "this is gonna be a long night."

Her black curls flowing in the breeze as we sit.
For reasons unbeknownst to me i couldn't stop staring,
Her eyes so wild so green.
She was just perfect in a non-perfect world.
She wasn't a rose in a daisy patch.
She was a lone violet in a sea of green,
Yet that's all i wanted,
all i needed.
Her complexion so clear,
Her skin a beautiful pale skin.
But mostly i just need her messy gorgeous black curls.

Right now I’m 17 years old I’m sitting in my room thinking how is my life going to be, and scares me.
I think about how I’d be if I was a Father I’d be terrible I’m not ready I’m selfish I mean, But I’m only 17.
I think about how or what my job will be wife and feel what I wanted to be, and will be true to me.
I guess sometimes I look at my past to see my future, and things aren’t looking so good.
I got my friends around me, my family still supports me… But honestly I just want to be true to me and my future, and hopefully I’m happy.… With whatever I’m doing.

A I sit in this piece of metal and stare through this window.
All I can think about is what lies ahead,
Maybe a new beginning?
Maybe another embarrassing memory past coming back to haunt me.
In this moving hunk of metal I carry everything I need.
All my memories,
And the most valuable people in my life.
I know that anything that happens from here,
it won't change who we are.
The times we've had and the times we will have together.
This thought makes my restless mind settle down more.
I'm still very anxious of everything,
But maybe this is good for us.
We've all got our stories we're still scared to tell each other.
We all have each other.
What we have is valuable.
At the moment all that came too my mind was how perfect this moment was,
I looked at that night sky.
But all i used to see was a black sky always too big,
bigger than anything i could handle.
I thought what was out there was too much to handle alone.
But now i see a millions of stars and i thought of such beautiful galaxies.
It makes me think that we could handle anything as long as we have each other.
It reminds me of such amazing car rides to oasis's yet not discovered by a group of curious teens,
connected by sorrows,lovely times,
And wondrous long car rides.

When did it begin?
Was she always slipping?
I'm losing her and i can tell.
Was i supposed to chase after her?
I'm so confused,
I'm so scared of losing her.
Something i never pondered until now.
"Scared" a term i wish i never had too use with her.
But now I've lost her and i hurts like a *****...
But i guess i was getting lost trying to find her.

There's a special time that makes anyone reflect.
From the cheater, the alcoholics , and the rest of the heathens and ******.
This is the time that makes even the worst of the self-righteous.
Sometimes it's what people need, to let loose, have fun.
Go crazy...
The moonlight does that to people casts them into a hypnotic dance of rage passion and sin.
Parents warned you about because it's hard to get out of.
People want to see the perfect side.
Like perfect guy, lovely young lady, the "perfect child".
But when the time come no one has regrets for the things they did.
Because who would want admit the villainous acts they've done.
But everyone goes back to normal the next day with just a fresh scent,
Of what the moonlight did to them.

He wakes up everyday with a bleeding case of amnesia.
Now remembering new thoughts he didn't seem to know.
He'd loved before, and had been loved.
He still thinks about her every night now.
Maybe he's just reminiscing on past emotions,
Still so raw like a fresh cut on the skin.
When that light gets low he's invincible,
But not anymore he now lays in bed
All in his head.
Enough has now been said,
But he's not ready for the end.
He thought he was lost,broken,invisible.
But "he'll get over in do time" everyone said.
He didn't listen anymore,
He's barely left the house.
Just laying there quieter than a mouse.
All because he missed his spouse.
Head now in the clouds.
"I sometimes stare out my window as i lay, and i must say the sunset no longer looks the same my love."

Rainy days.
the thing I want now a days.
I don't need anything else,
no one else...
I just wanna stay inside be with the only person I know,
just me and my thoughts.
At this point a rainy day is all anyone needs.
Wash away that fresh dirt off everyone,
That fresh layer of sin.
Washing away those chaotic and destructive thoughts.
Maybe then I'll feel better.
But for now I'll sit in this dark room listening for the sound.
The sound of a fresh start for everyone,
Then as a reward we get a rainbow to remember everything we once did.
Before the wonderful rainy days.

times where I just stare blankly out my window.
Times when nothing is happening,
Silence drowning everything out.
Seeing a thousand faces at once,
Rembering every memory.
leaving nothing unseen,
letting everything come out when the moonlight hits.
Without words everything is said,
As if there was someone listening.
As I were talking to someone,
This un-natural feeling overwhelms me
Feeling like a drug taking over feeling the pain of it all,
Like heroine coursing through my veins.
a type of chilling freezing feeling.
Yet when it's over everything feels warm ligther like a weight lifted.
Then I realize that I see the sun rising.
It then hits me,
My body feels heavier again.
The beginning of a new cycle of sorrow another day gone by,
And again my body goes through another sleepless nights...

the morning sun always reminded me of you.
reminds me of your gorgeous smile when the light started filling up my room,
your beautiful green eyes that makes me think about the forests we used to meet in when we wanted to see each other without the world knowing.
that's what it used too mean...
now it just reminds me of how lost i am,
how quickly this world took you out of my arms.
i still remember holding you in my arms when i woke up.
now i'm struggling to hold onto my sanity.
i know you would hate to see me sad,
almost as much as i hate to see a morning sun without you...

I stood in front of of the mirror not even recognizing the boy standing in front of me.
when i look into ,my dark brown eyes it reminds me of a distant memory of happier days and beautiful blue skies.

There was always an unspoken limit of how much i could take from you.
You were the person i wanted to be with the most.
you knew that and you used that against me.
i was a lap dog to you, i was only there when you needed me.
whenever you were sad,mad, or just wanted someone to talk to when everyone else was busy.
I was so hopelessfully fallen for you and everyone else could see it, i was your marionette.
A question i have and you'll always avoid is "what am i too you?"
Am i a person you might have feelings for?
Am i a person you just want too use for the attention?
Do you seriously not know how i feel?
...I'm not being me anymore, because since i fell for you i've just been
THE PUPPET.