My breakfast is Adderall
My lunch 600 mg ibuprofen
My dinner is Seroquel
The one thing these all have in common is me
Slippery ***** that is my mind from okay to utter destruction
The moments of disassociation fading in and out of this reality
My breakfast kicks in and concentration suddenly comes so easy, yet I will not feel hungry the rest of the day. The doctor said it's a small price to pay
The pain from lack of nutrition to my stomach, it is time for my lunch. I take it with the smile of the simple knowledge that relief is around the corner
Although the relief is short-lived and once again the realness of the person I am before starts to sink through
It's dinner time, in about 30 minutes I'll be sedated and asleep. What's wrong with the little extra help?

They said "Just remember what's being sown will be reaped "
I said "I'm sorry I can't focus to understand you for haven't had breakfast  yet"

Pain came easily to her
Happiness proceeded with caution
Faith misdirected by her emotions
Nails bitten down, loose fit pants
Familiarity disguised as good
The Mask Falls and all that's left is a new chapter
Where pain is the past
Happiness runs all the red lights to get to me
Faith no longer dictated by my emotions for that day
Nails grown in, a reminder as the wind Whispers, familiarity isn't always safe and if not careful easily I'm convinced otherwise.
I put the mask on and turn the page

I hate you he said, words as sharp as knives, spewing off his tongue in similarity to poison. three words ringing in the back of my mind like a broken record. My mind reaches a state of blankness as the words my heart Tugs slowly spills out of my mouth. You mustn't truly know love I said, for if you did the hate could not exist. You mustn't know the Purity and defining touch love places on you, for only then you would not say I hate you but instead the placement of emotion I have for you isn't Love, but more or less a bitter dislike in taste. You can dislike so many things without caring hate in Your Heart for them. The words I hate you may tear me down, but ultimately you are the one who will be broken spewing those words.

Baptized in water as clear as your mind
No amount of fresh air I breathe is as fresh as you  
My soul knitted by your merciful right hand
Your attention to detail of every freckle on my skin
I was created in the image that is yours
The breath I breathe is yours giving up to fill my lungs, pain and sarrow endured for I  am forgiven
It is your blood over me
  It is your sacrifice
    It is my sin
It is you God I pray to mold me in the image of you

There is power in acknowledging the devil attacking and mentally being able to understand the depths of the pain he is trying to inflict , all while remaining fine and calm with the knowledge meeting prayer and adoration that power lies in Jesus name
When will the devil learn that a child of God is untouchable even once the devil put sorrow, distraction , and evil in the mind
God is the wind that clears and draws peace in the walls of the mind

What is happiness I mumbled
Is it strong like waves or soft as a blanket
If happiness is by one definition how are we all impacted differently by it
Happiness to me is a the movie in slow motion
Eventually reaching me but not without delay and patience
Where did the joy of this morning transcend to as I lay here tonight in deep sorrow
Happiness is not all controlled by my own mind and emotion but it would seem happiness carries a mind of its own
So tell me happiness when you are worlds for me where do you hide?