Im tired
Im tired of trying
Again and agin its the same
The same outcome
The same pain.
I feel im losing my self
Im slipping away
And ever time I slip
I find myself having less to hold on to
I wonder
I wonder how long i have
Till nothings left to grasp

I've loved a man and I've lost
My beging, my first and our foughts
Faults and flaws to blame
Misery and shame
Icey was our fire
Melting and burning disire
Maybe one thats lost
Can be found again for a cost..

Rember the sounds,the sights,our laughter
The joy that rushed us and filled our evey being
the pulsating beat of an excelerating moment
the thumbing of our hearts to the waves of the music
our touchs and our glances and our disires
the satifaction of a gentle brush of skin and plastic
melting in you,energizing you,flowing through your body
the washed-out,blurred faces emulating heat
the soothing flashes of colorful light swirling in mid air, fading and reviving
with a gaint dark mass underneath and in it,
moving and sawying in sync, as if it's one intity,yet it's many individuals,faceless and pure
the smell of over heated,moist bodies glowing in the light
so sweet and alluring and sureal,overdriving our senses
mixing them together into euphoria,into exstacy,flowing into our veins,tingling
then it's gone, all in one moment,
your alone,your scared,your not one intity but one person
reasoning flys back to you,reality lingering in
memories and regrets and lies and happiness sink slowly into your brain filling you with emotions
you recall your last moments of exstacy
then walk away
leaving everything in a shattered mess,not bothering to fix or face it
taking one moment,one piece, from thousands and your gone...it's gone

Things better left unsaid
Find home in my mouth
A voice for the unspeakable
A weapon to a freind
A prisiner to nothing
No guilt to be feed

A camandor of sin
Doesn't take light of loaded gun to the head
And words are more direct method to defend
For these leave burrows that dig deep in the skin
Find home in the mind and live on
A gun ends quick but my words won't leave those I deem damnd

It wasn't just a fluke in my head that I misread,
It was the life I was living that was mislead

I love you but your lost
Forgave and forgot
I know not what it's cost
But inside I know you fought

Back yard porch light
Burns bright with a dim light,
                                                     Amongst the hollow trees.
Shadows swimming out of sight
malicious in their whipping bite,
                                                           ­  Calm the forest that can not be.
A flutter of flurries swarms the night
I'm improching on the source of white
                                                           ­       Free the moth that's not your moon.
So soon be gone my dusty paresite
Flee these woods of wrong turn fright,
                                                         ­          For soon that light will be your guide to stay.
And your moon will dull and fade into the starlight
Beseech your home, it puts up a fight,
                                                          ­        Away away you flitter the fray.
Your dusted coat of chalk sheet blight
tethers away like thoughts of yesternight,
                                                    ­                   Leaving specks of musk alomg the tree line.

This sorrow that's  inside
I try to take it's pride,
make it hide,
but it won't die.
Everything's a lie
Covered up in filthy flies.
Can't you find,
anyone one who'll make it die?

Days turn into weeks,
As weeks turn into months,
To Years and so forth
Till you've wasted your whole life
Waiting with nothing to show
Or leave behind,
But the faith you had in another
Who lived their life forgetting you.

The things we value most, are the things with no valuable worth

With a mocking smile she laid in the lines
Telling a fib as big as a life
Twisting a face with sin in her place
'No harm can be done' she whispered in waste.
Not wanting to hurt, but please herself
wanting to mean it but, she knew it's wealth.
It was not within her to feel such riches,
but instead  a skit with many hart felt wishes

Sit down, put pen to paper
Think.
Nothing comes.
Pen ink spreads out from where the tip touches
A stain on an otherwise blank sheet
A stain that speaks more then the words that won't form
A visual primordial soup of the mind
All mushed up
No clearity or dividing line.
No verbal structure to be defined from the words
From the thoughts
They all are or are not
There is no pattern, or order
Yet no chaos either.
Just ink on paper.
The ink being my thoughts, pouring out unformed and all at once
Spreading out from where the pen rests, unmoving on the paper
Soaking the point of impact till it rips, peircing through.
Still thinking.
Like always having something on the tip of your tougne
But in your mind, your thoughts
It's there yet unformed and unknown.
So again sit down, put pen to paper
And think.

Every little detail, even the flaws
All tightly wound in my mind
I've in visioned them over and over and over again
Repetitive thinking
Repeatedly plan
Desperately hoping, no, wanting
Always the want, need, urge
Longing
An ache away from my last breathe
Yet clinging
So the details stay
The flaws, stay
Always
Always there
Neve stop wanting, never stop

Falling from the sky
I never felt so free
Not scared that I might die
Just wanting to see

What it looks like below,
If earth is really there
Under "heavens" glow
Full of love and care

Or is it just a dream
Not really there
Flowing like a stream,
Yet never is the end near

And I'll fall forever
Wondering what it's like
Never knowing what it is I left behind
For something I just had to find

As we walk into this blinding light,
Ours hearts held close
Our hands held tight
Our last breathe will be the same
I'll be right here, screaming your name
I love you I love you,
All over again
And we'll be together, till the very end.

On days like these,
I wondered if you thought of me too.