Is it
Sixth sense
Wishful thinking...
or deep scarring
wanting?

But there you are
a spirit in dreams
a tear in the dark.

I am a creature
Nothing more than a skittish beast hugging the treeline
What I desire
I do not comprehend
Frothing in fury, I beg for pity

Heavy handedly
Nail me to the pyre
Marinate, anoint with honey
Hurl your stone
Rotualistly butcher as your deity permits
Exhaustedly await the feasting beasts
Then, and only then, dance amongst embers and cries
Leave a piece behind
Take what the mob offers

I was reckless
I was harsh
Destined to fail you

I've lived too long
Far too long
Grown too internally
Leaving no room for god
For sympathy
For understanding
Isolated

I dream
In remembrance
Childhood memories
Trauma and repression

I dream of roses
Endless nights that remain pure
In rising suns that will be forever
On the horizon

Rose's are red violets are blue
My life is meaningless without you
Rose's are red violets are blue
For you, I have endless love, this is true
Violets are purple and Rose's are red
I am alone without you in my bed
Violets are purple, Rose's come in many colors
A dozen wooden flowers will put a smile on my lover
Bouquets are expensive, and wont last a few nights
If loving you Is wrong then i dont want to be right
When you asked me to marry you, i said yes immediately
I should have driven us like a bat outta hell straight for sin city
I'd be your husband, and you, my wife
Giving you everything for all my life
I'd pray for a chance, of being a father, knowing you'd be the best mother
I'd be proud of our girl or boy, knowing they'd bring us nothing but joy
Showering our child with love and teaching them to walk, their first words better be mama when they learn to talk
As we grow old and our child matures, I'll kiss you goodnight, goodmorning, care, share, confide, and embrace you until my final breath, for you bring me happiness, for you, my love is pure.

Forced sadness
...
On skin
A Blistering glow
Of an unattended cigarette
...
Biting at thoughts of the bottle

Fine words
For a fine man
***** words
Described by a ***** man
Seldom words
From a shelled man

The silence of a held tongue
Humbles all recipients

Its not that simple
I want nothing more:
Eat *****
Yell at the Cowboys
Drink
Write
And make love
I dont see any other purpose  in life

Would you consider me a beast
A degenerate
A second class monstrosity
If I confided in you
If I told you I've snorted whiskey
Out of a herion addicted *****
If I told you
I blew *** smoke
Up the same ****** *****
What I be labelled then

We Collide like the day impacts the night, like the moon encroaches on the sun.
We are pale beings glowing in the dark.
Simple organisms surviving in the lack of light.
Floating without realization of our mediocre place in the celestial scope of life.
Dust, gas, our composition.

**** the light that acknowledges life
Breathe smoke that coats design
Hunt
Bride on fire
Queen
Molested, courted, loved
Throughout age

Conception
No God has dominion
No faith
Walk
Connismate
By stars we will save ourselves
Faith, rules, being and truth
Protection
Fallen soul
Enf of pain
End of dependents
End of suffering
Step in, watch days end

Suffer me
Meet with me in placeless connection
Fill me in
Think I am
I am as you think
I am what you fill in
Reject, risk, avoid, die
I am who you know I am
Who am I right now
What am I right now
I think I am now
Right now
But why

Share the rope that leads...

Pointless
Meaningless
Life is what you make of it
Life is what it makes of you
**** the right person
Eat the right food
Drink the right drink
Death
**** whoever
Eat whatever
Drink it all
Death
It's all meaningless
Bury your head in the sand or bible or faith or charity or work or family
It doesn't matter where you hide

Crooked highs
Narcotic lows
Clawing out of pits
Only to tunnel back in

What now
Drive, buy, feel sad, feel important
It all leads back
I'm still here
Still ******
Nothing changes
I simply die
In a different way

The abundance of my ignorance has collectivly spawned into it's own pessimistic victim.

Emotional ditachement was the norm-is the norm...

Suspended in rehabilitation
Snap, and fall

I dream of a field of roses, grain and rice.
As a glide through them
I drag my feet
breaking stems
up turning soil
Rippling water.
I am aware of the barrier before me but I proceed knowing set limits
but there is a propelling force
it hates I push.
Screaming into speed
Vanishing before I appear
I tear at the stitches of sanity
and see into neurotic clarity.
I see lies
breaking bones
tearing organs
poisoning
implosions and bottomless loss. Impact, transference, lucid control
I feel my skull shatter
then blooming energy.

Bleak
Confort
Purpose
Individuality
Purpose logic


Alienated
Complexity
Out of a life that has none
We confront a fleeting meaning

I am present
I am meaningless
I will die with the rest of society
Absurdity
No tomorrow,  no realisiam
Out of place
Diprived of past



Nothing

Why
Can't
I
Stay
Broken

Eat of me my flesh
drink of me my whiskey
burn your throat
cough up my remains

Disrupt my plans
There's now next
Only another day
I shake
I hesitate
I Ponder
I execute
I dream of death by suburbia
I dream of death by joy
I dream of death of self by offspring

I apologize
Before I set her free
Happy with the separation
Convince myself this is right
Use her while you can
Above the physical
Watch as I become lighter than air

Breathe
Adjust
Fade
Ease into haze

She is the vein

It's freeing
Behind words
Knowing judgment
Knowing rejection
It's comforting
Handling the weight
Feeling muscle strain
Lighter, warmer, dimmer

If I fade away
Black
If i tense
Black
If by the grace of God I feel the spiral
Black
Nothing
Return to matter
Revert to Black

Absurdity
Humanity
No order
Nothing more than deep silence

Meaning
Realization
Proof
Haste
Lust
Rythem

Find answers
Be absurd
Live
Escape
Satisfy, rule, serve, misfortune

**** the world
By defining the world
**** thyself
By letting go of thyself

Create
Within the limited
Reject
Control
Rebel
Fulfilling despair
Live with observation
Live without appeal
Within the act

Joy within strife

Lost faith in:
myself
support
love
society
unconditional caring
cultural growth
understand
peace
safety.
These are normal
and old.
Recently lost faith in:
humanity

In the words of James Hetfield:
We're so ******
**** out of luck
Hardwired to self destruct

Here it comes
The invulnerability
My gut expands, coated in lies
My spine straightens, propped up
by rage

Here it comes
The immoratity
My tongue slashes, freed after years of contempt
My heart beats, no choice, no direction, no beauty

Consider this the tearful confession
Consider this the blank stare from the taxi
Consider this...emptiness against the grain
Hollow, shelled, nameless
Emptiness

She dances
Twirls
Takes me
$250 for eternity
'Come here, it's ok. Get off, dont get mad.'

Worthless
I feel guilty that I lost her
My fault
I'm the reason she left
I was the problem

I wish I didnt exist
Then at least I would feel normal
Regurgitate pills
Black out before poisoning
Faulty receiver
Cautious drivers
Dull blades
Not enough junk

But I'm happy for her

Life burns
We die
Our wick may be castrated
Or stretched to an ungodly length
Regardless
Life burns

I want to die
I'm afraid to experience
'No life'
Many are waiting
I have many to greet
But
Life goes on
Death goes on
Purgatory is greener than both
But
The taste of stale fire
The last taste being rust
Regrets look on me as I spiral

I miss the taste of my queen
she clenches and squirms and scratches at my face
True loyalty she is not
True purity she is not
I have sought to it
I am who brought ruin
I who have brought infidelity
I am the one who has lost

when I smile you frown
when I frown you grin
the only time we're both happy is when I'm inside you
when I plant my flag
and stake my claim