All the things I wanted to say to you
Have turned to fading memories.
And there’s nothing left I can do
To rewind these quiet miseries.

This isn’t what I wished for—
Your light dimmed,
Then outran mine before.
But I already missed the boat,
Fate tore through vows I never wrote.

At least come to me in dreams—
In my sleep, or drifting through day beams.
Don’t bring in the noise of reality,
Let this world be just you and me.

We’ll hang ornaments on fading daffodils,
I won’t wake if the silence fills.
If you’re a lie, let me stay within it,
I'll cross every tie just to relive a minute.

So please—don’t wake me up.
Let me swing inside this make-believe rhyme.
Not just for now...
Because at least in this world,
You’re finally mine.

Was right at heart,
Real in soul,
I gazed at everything — white and whole.
Each bond lit up with quiet sparkles,
As I wandered through endless marvels.

I walked every road with joy in stride,
Never seeing the tentacles rise.
Meanwhile, I fooled myself to believe,
That every encounter had something to leave.

Because it felt real,
I made vows with zeal —
Each one sacred, each one dear.
And this one,
I held closest to my chest,
Guarding every beating door that once colored my quest.

But oleanders look beautiful too —
Until you touch them,
And they bruise you.
Turns out...
Everyone around me
Was wearing a mask.

My Rubber Puzzles
It’s killing me.
I thought I did the right thing when I found the piece—
The jigsaw that was already ruined.
A place where I tried to fit,
But it’s broken.
Damaged by hands I never asked for,
Inflicted with pain I never called upon.

The seat is empty—yet I can't sit.
Did you see the list?
Because I was never invited.

So I’m walking away...
Away from everyone,
Away from the light.
Into the rain, into the dark,
Let it hold me tight.

Let the tears stream, just like always.
Thank the skies for soaking me through—
So I don’t have to hide
As I shatter on my way.

I've always left my door unlocked,
Every minute, every second,
Never counting the fruit you placed in my basket,
Yet always giving more.

Even when tides roared high,
I plunged deep to fetch treasures for you.
Day and night,
I traced familiar names before closing my book,
Never once asking for rubies or dimes.

I welcomed rusted rings without hesitation,
Made space beside me,
Poured extra glasses,
Held my arms open, never withholding warmth.

But I never noticed—
I kept scaling heights to gather the brightest blooms,
Only to watch them stolen from my hands.
No one ever turned back.

Today, my eyes are open.
And I see—
My heart, still fighting against the tide,
Was never cherished, only spent.

A ride so long,
I stayed still — patiently.
Despite the bumps, the noise,
deep breaths were my only companion.

I looked out the window
from the very first time I hopped in,
and I’ve seen all four seasons since.

At first,
my eyes would sting from the raw sunlight,
my skin would burn as it wept under heat.
Later, when night came,
there was barely an echo —
only paths drowned in darkness
and chills that wrapped the air.

They left me with goosebumps,
my gaze sinking toward my lap,
as my heart quietly shrank.

But there were good times, too —
when skies stretched wide in scattered colors,
when leaves fell gently from trees
and I’d reach up to catch them, one by one.
When the steel in the air
felt like a hug too big to let go.

That — was comfort.

And right now, I’ll wait again to feel that.
It’s okay if it takes longer,
because today,
I can finally sleep under the sun.

Will it really come?
I don’t want to doubt it —
It may take longer…
but seasons never skip, right?

I walked forward, avoiding my own glances,
Fear grazing my mind — what if I slip along the way?
Still, I kept standing — almost unstoppable —
Yet trembling beneath, as peril smirked from far away.

Each time I bent my knee for the next slab,
The chill in the wind hushed against my skin,
As if whispering, urging me to leave —
Each second, it played with my strength within.

It added bricks to my wall of fear,
As if it planned to make them last,
I stopped — though I knew I shouldn't —
Hearing the echo of my heart beat fast.

I shrank my eyes and opened again,
Wishing this was only a dream,
But I knew I couldn't run or hide
While clinging to safety's fading seam.

So I let go of the delicate things
The locks, the walls I built in fear,
And with no clear hitch upon the path,
I took a step—away from here.

The light shone ..but only where I stood —
Around me lay the dark and dread,
But still I walked with quiet hands,
Clutching clovers not yet dead.

I don’t know where I’ll end up next,
But I keep walking — trembling, sincere —
I only know I won’t stay trapped,
In all this horror… I wouldn’t dare.

If only…
The sea had no storms,
The earth never met cyclones,
And clouds spared the exquisite skies—
But that wouldn’t sound right, would it?
It can’t be that easy, can it?
Who gets a free pass on the swing
Without the perfect token?

I smirk to myself,
Eyes wide open,
Reading the universe’s paintings and essays.

No matter how many times
You’ve walked through darkness,
Or stood in hell’s fire—
It doesn’t spare you.
Even if your skin holds a thousand scars,
Pain finds room
In the space between them.

Because here’s the truth:
It doesn’t really matter—
Even when all you asked for
Was simple access to the path.

But honey,
“It” is just warming up
For what’s coming next.

Two pillows rest beneath my eyes,
Somber skin, cold — I can’t rise.
A weight I can’t lift, not this time,
Same lessons dressed in shifting lies.

This goes beyond,
A canyon deep and sky-high.
Each inch I climb,
Some force still drains my light.

This beating door was always cracked,
But never wept —
Till betrayal struck from behind,
And left it dust, bereft.

Did I trip?
Why am I always down below?
Why the rock, and never the marble's glow?
No, I don’t crave cloaks spun from gold,
Nor plead for eyes that endlessly behold.

I just wanted a glance —
One that finally looks back.

But answers blur, drowned in my flooded gaze,
Tears drawn by reflections I only meet in shade.
They soak the margins where I left space for peace,
Now I echo to myself, if only for release.

From mother, to every other,
Why can’t I seem to fit in their world — or fill it?

Do it,
Do it again.
Give me all your time,
Let your smile linger—light yet deceiving.

Say the words that lift me high,
Tilt your head, let your eyes soften,
Make me fall deeper, deeper still.

Then…
Tell me I’m the only one,
And when you leave with the changing seasons,
Step back in, whispering, "I was caught."

And when you know you’ve broken me,
Say, "I’m sorry."
And when you do it with intent,
Say, "I didn’t mean it."
And when you see my world collapsing,
Say, "I have to go."

Lie after lie, I still stay.
So why not unveil the key to my cage?
Why not set me free?
Please.
You don’t have to force it—you're free to leave.

What are we chasing?
Why are we all running in a marathon—
when there isn't even one?

What are we hoping to reach?
Is there really a finish line?

Tell me,
when was the last time you slowed your pace?
Why not pause—
just for a moment?

Step away from the crowd.
Sit under this shade,
and stop trembling.

There’s nobody watching.
It’s just you… and you.

Now look at your palms.
How long have you been gripping?
So distracted,
you didn’t even notice the bruising.

Look at your feet.
How long have you been running—
stepping over shards,
tripping on rocks,
chasing an invisible line…
while your wounds kept bleeding?

Cover your ears from the noise,
just for once.
Look down.
Close your eyes.

Can you hear it?
It's still beating.

“What took you so long?”
That wasn’t me.
It was your heart,
finally whispering.

At the edge of a playground,
The swings sway empty.
Why can’t I reach them?
The seesaw stands still,
Why do I only watch?

The slide, as if waiting for someone,
Yet here I sit, staring at the emptiness.
Wasn’t this everything I wanted?
The things I used to cry for,
The reasons I pulled back the curtains
And looked out the window,
The silent prayers I whispered.

Then…
What happened today?