In a room full of other souls,
between dancing lights and floating noise,
six feet apart across the table,
sat two foolish people—
barely brave enough to hold each other’s gaze.

If you wonder why I didn’t look your way—
maybe you already knew; we did it on purpose.
Each time I turned away, my head would reel—
your smile didn’t just light the room,
it sparked the rooms behind my closed doors.

You took a few long strides past me,
pretending not to see.
I kept glancing down, pretending not to notice.
When I stepped outside I wished—
for a shadow in black fabric to follow,
to close that small distance, to meet my eyes,
to say what both of us only dared imagine.

I can’t erase these glimpses of you.
You give me smiles without a single word.
We don’t say each other’s names—
yet why does it feel like there’s a string at our fingers?
A pull that almost moves us, but never far enough.

I’ll keep this moment close to my chest—
awkward pride and all.
At least I know you saw me smile.
And I saw yours.

I felt like we knew each other.

I don’t hold hints from the future—
No sign if you’ll ever cross paths with me.
But something behind these beating doors
Keeps whispering softly
Of things not even on their way.

I imagine the way you’d smile at me,
Your eyes sparkling
As light slips in discreetly—
Two ethereal pearls,
Crafted by sky and heaven.

Your soft hair dancing as the wind speaks,
My fingers threading through your scalp
As your eyes begin to close.
The voice that replaces the cassettes I play
When my world turns grey.

Verses form quietly in my soul,
Lines I can’t command or control.
They stumble, don’t rhyme, yet come to be—
Each time your gaze rests on me.

I feel like you’re out there—
Somewhere.
Just not now.
Not yet.

Until then,
I’ll wait to keep you safe in my arms.
And when that day finally comes…
It won’t be those eight letters I whisper.
Just endless warmth,
In silence—
So you’ll know
Exactly where to turn.

Weave away from me
as you sleep with another soul.
Spend your hours where they belong,
save them for the one who makes you whole.

Hold your delicate space in your heart,
but let it never beat for me.
Offer your fragile smile to them,
avert your gaze when I sing quietly.

Clutch them close each night,
while I drown alone in soaking sheets.
Kiss them with your tender lips,
as you hurl my soul against cold walls.

Give them warmth without restraint,
while I rot in an abandoned cradle.
Tell them they are safe with you,
as you leave my skin in ruins, unstable.

Through all the changing seasons,
I cannot help but confess—
I love you still,
though in your cruelest games you handled me best.

So hide from me again and again,
pretend my eyes don’t pierce your fence.
But I… I don’t know how to quit,
for I’ve already placed that ring—
to stay,
even if it splits.

Mark me like you’ve never yearned,
Trace the paddles of space you’ve never turned.
Hold me close in the dark,
Like you’d never let me walk away —
Then disappear with your graceful attempts,
Like grey clouds over a clear blue sky,
Just minutes before my world turns dark.

Place your gentle palm on the harm you’ve named,
Feel the wounds with your own skin.
Pretend to soothe them while I search for your real embrace.
Never —
Never did I think you’d set our bridge ablaze,
Discreetly, before I could even blink.
You were gone, lost behind the flames.

You filled me up
With the tempting tokens of your arcades,
Cut me deep with the names you whispered
Where you assumed I’d never hear.
Never had I imagined
What lay behind the sheets when my warmth was out of reach.
While I was away searching bouquets to fill your heart,
You were already weaving yourself away
With the one who had already claimed it.

Come to me, piece by piece,
Bring the sparks like chandeliers in streams.
Sealed letters I failed to read,
Clues you gave that I didn’t heed.
Show me the smiles I couldn't perceive,
Speak your truths I chose not to believe.

Hand me your lanterns—I let them drown
In rivers where I stood to watch us down.
Cruel, this ache that memory delivers—
Each time I recall, I shiver.

You pinned me too high on the wall.
Now watch me—
Watch me fall.
Took me years to realise:
You were the hold that slowed my slide.

But I refused to come another mile.
Now you're someone else’s muse,
And I—
I can't undo,
Can’t choose to return,
For it would only bruise
The peace you’ve earned.

Still, I tremble,
For being a fool.
I’ll regret this
Till my last breath,
For I lost a blessing—
Too blind to see,
Too deaf to feel,
Too numb to believe
You loved me.

Shine, with all your heart,
Move through places
Where my role is always torn apart.
Strip me bare, like a slave to pain,
Feed my soul
With your endless, shadowed flames.

Carve me slowly
With your tender, practiced lies—
Don’t call my name
Just to borrow my ears for your cries.

This bridge I let you cross for years—
It’s splintered now,
In ruins I can't piece clear.
A home once meant for you and me
Faded—like my limbs, my bones, my plea.

Save your tokens for her.
Save your ticks and times for her.
And if she dares to lie,
Keep her tucked beneath your pride.
Feel her warmth.
Be satisfied.

All I could’ve done for you—
You chose another’s hitches.
And all I couldn’t do—
Go whisper my failures into his wishes.

My heart still calls out
At every thought of her.
I can’t shut it down—
I just hide in silence, unheard.

My soul’s been shattered,
For you, in a thousand ways—
Because I think I still love you,
In the worst kind of way.

I chased you everywhere,
Stood by your side through your blues.
Neglected every ache that tapped on my heart—
Just so I could be there for you.

Your margins, left without warning...
I filled those lines.
I lost my token with you
When I stooped so low in your crimes.

In the darkness, I saw a beam—
It flickered with a little light,
Urging me to leave.

I showed you reasons,
Crystal clear.
I might soon leave—
But you erased them quickly,
Once you noticed they were clues
Running in between.

I always wanted to be seen—
With your own eyes that always flee.
But you looked away from me,
As if I held nothing still beating within.

So I walked away,
Letting down my veil, long torn by pain.
I’m not prepared to risk
My delicate bridges again.

Away from you,
Away from all the oleanders
You gave me every day—
An illusion you called remedy,
Yet it only deepened my pain.

And  today,
You stand before me
With confusion and pain.
"Why? "
You can’t bear the silence
You once gave?

All the things I wanted to say to you
Have turned to fading memories.
And there’s nothing left I can do
To rewind these quiet miseries.

This isn’t what I wished for—
Your light dimmed,
Then outran mine before.
But I already missed the boat,
Fate tore through vows I never wrote.

At least come to me in dreams—
In my sleep, or drifting through day beams.
Don’t bring in the noise of reality,
Let this world be just you and me.

We’ll hang ornaments on fading daffodils,
I won’t wake if the silence fills.
If you’re a lie, let me stay within it,
I'll cross every tie just to relive a minute.

So please—don’t wake me up.
Let me swing inside this make-believe rhyme.
Not just for now...
Because at least in this world,
You’re finally mine.

I can’t believe this—
how could your heart not feel tangled?
Here I remain, left with the crumbs of you,
it’s killing me, softly,
like blades pressing slow against my skin,
and you didn’t even watch me bleed,
for you knew I would.

It tears my soul apart—
these blades were carved from your delicate hands I once kissed.
The words that cut deeper than any wound
fell from the same lips that whispered,
“I could never hurt you.”
Those eyes that now drift into emptiness
were once the world where mine found home.

The bow we tied—
how did it mean nothing to you?
How did you erase it,
as though it never was?
How could you love another
while our knot still holds?

Did you see a brighter world in their gaze?
Did their heartbeat echo louder for you than mine?
Were their arms warmer,
their smile stronger
than what I ever gave?
How did you do it?
I don’t know how you do it.

For I could never—
my soul locked your name in my chest
the day it found you.
I never thought I’d need a key,
but now the lock aches,
and I feel like a fool for you.

Was right at heart,
Real in soul,
I gazed at everything — white and whole.
Each bond lit up with quiet sparkles,
As I wandered through endless marvels.

I walked every road with joy in stride,
Never seeing the tentacles rise.
Meanwhile, I fooled myself to believe,
That every encounter had something to leave.

Because it felt real,
I made vows with zeal —
Each one sacred, each one dear.
And this one,
I held closest to my chest,
Guarding every beating door that once colored my quest.

But oleanders look beautiful too —
Until you touch them,
And they bruise you.
Turns out...
Everyone around me
Was wearing a mask.

Just a square piece—
Thinner than my smiles.
Who made it?
All these photographs...

A delicate slice,
A pause of cherished time to remind—
But sometimes, it's too fragile,
A sting that always rewinds.

I never liked them.
Every time I gaze upon one,
It invites my tears
Before my vision can even run.

And every time, it feels ridiculous
To realize—
I'm weeping over seconds
That have already flown by.

Why did we capture it?
Did we already know it wouldn’t last?
Did we hold that moment still,
Already fearing it would slip?

Back then, it never mattered
If we'd smile again.
A moment, a person, or a real smile...
I thought it would only pause for a photograph.

I never thought,
One day,
It would also pause
In the lines of my life.

You walked in silence,
Leaving no trace behind.
I searched the floor for proof you were here—
A whisper left on the tiles,
A faint mark from your final step.

If you ever left with purpose,
Your footsteps hid it well.
I couldn’t tell if I was meant
To unravel this silent knot alone.
But even so,
On nights I had no one to turn to,
I still heard you call my name.

Your laughter—
A melody my ears still seek.
Your warmth—
A ghost against my skin.
My heart still races
At the thought of how
You used to look at me—
It draws a smile,
Uninvited, yet soft.

But now…
Someone else will claim
The gaze that once was mine.
And I’ll never know
What test we failed,
What moment cracked the thread of fate
That brought me here—
To witness this cruel sight.

A perfect time
To let my eyes blur with ache.
Because it's not me
Standing by your side,
As silver finds its place
On your delicate finger.

I don't wish to catch your bouquet,
So I let the moment pass me by.
My heartbeat's steps begin to sway,
Yet still, I whisper with a sigh—
You looked so beautiful in that white dress.

I fear—
I fear that I’m alone,
adrift, with no hands to hold,
no shelter, no place called home.

Will I make it?
Can I truly make it on my own?
Will I arrive before it’s too late,
or remain time’s forgotten candidate?

How do I walk this road?
I fear I’ll lose myself,
drown in the silence of my own world,
for I cannot carry this weight alone.

Will time embrace me,
or turn its face,
leaving me to watch the world move on—
while fear creeps into my bones,
echoing without end:
What if I can’t carry it alone?
What if I can’t?

I’m scared.
I’m scared that I’m alone.

I think I hurt you—
From the moment I left, I knew.
No one else slipped into my world
The way you used to do.

You said you hated me,
For the bruise I left in you.
You cried, eyes wide with disbelief,
At lies I told—not true.

They wrapped your world in silent ache,
But I only smiled it through.
I didn’t want you to see me break—
So I chose to wound you too.

I couldn’t say I'm sorry—
Had to let my words sound cruel.
But even then...
Why didn’t you walk away? Why didn’t you move through?

For the love you gave,
I began to hate you—
Not for who you were,
But for all I couldn't do.

And when you're alone,
I won’t be the one to reach for you.
If ever it feels like you’re not home,
Please—don’t wait. Find someone new.

All this, I wish I said.
But I just stare instead—
At the gravel where you used to cry,
Wishing my touch could still get through...
Wishing you'd feel me too.

I want to run away —
Far, where no one can find me.
To a place so still, only the wind speaks.
No more glancing back —
There’s no one left to tap my shoulder.

Let my breath be the only sound,
The only thing that breaks the silence.
I want to go home —
And home is where I’m with me.

I’ve been waiting.
And I’ll keep waiting —
Until I fall into my own arms,
And breathe again.

An ache
I can't quite put into words.
A feeling
I refuse to embrace.
A silent hurricane… flashing before my eyes.

It all began with a grip
I was too reluctant to let go—
Even knowing
I was holding the wrong rope.

A connection I never truly understood…
Was it ever a connection?
It shattered me in an instant,
The moment truth arrived,
Carving me — piece by piece.

I could hardly look away.
Because really,
What’s the point in running,
When the wave has already crashed?

How could I pretend
I didn’t get drenched by it?

The trees saw it.
The sky saw it.
And the wave…
Was part of it.

So maybe it’s time—
To sit in this silence,
And wait,
As the water on my skin slowly dries

Don’t you dare go back to her—
After I walked through endless doors,
Searching for her shadow
And never finding more.

Each door I opened led nowhere—
No clue, no trace to hold her hand.
Yet you—
You get to touch her once again?

I waited through seasons,
Gathered petals just for her.
You walked her aisle empty-handed,
Still gave the smile I was breathing to deliver—
And failed.

I polished her silhouette each night,
Lit it in gold so she’d walk with pride beside me.
You brought her barefoot,
Only your hand raised in air—
And she came.

I dressed myself in ornaments,
Coats and suits—
You wore cotton and caught her gaze
Like it was meant for you.

I slicked my hair with layers of foam,
Wished her fingers through it just once.
You, with your effortless strands,
Felt her touch like it belonged.

I earned these four wheels
To show her the world.
You needed none—
She walked beside you anyway.

So maybe—
Maybe I didn’t mean it
When I told you not to go back to her.

It’s just—
My world shook.
My heart sank over
All the small things I couldn’t do.

I’m not angry.
Just jealous.

Jealous of you—
Who could break her heart
And still keep her soul.

While I—
Who mended it—
Was never chosen to fill that space.

Bridges you build can break,
Bows you've tied can unravel with a single snip.
Masterpieces you've carved can shatter,
And colors you've painted can vanish in one careless splash.

Have you ever thought of that?
Never…

Not until you walked that path barefoot,
With shards pressing deep into your skin—
And no one there to hear you,
Each step carving the lesson into your being.

Even stars can die.
Their light flickers, then fades into nothing.
That truth might’ve sent a tremor through your soul,
And sometimes, your hands bury your gaze.
But you can’t pretend you’re not wet
When you’re already in the rain.

But still… we’ve all come this far—
And we’re still walking,
Like dusk that follows dawn,
Like the bright blue sky after a storm.

And at the end of the day,
It’s you, standing at the edge of the road—
Waiting for yourself to reach into your own arms.
Because  after all
you didn’t choose to fall—
And you always rose, even on your own.

My Rubber Puzzles
It’s killing me.
I thought I did the right thing when I found the piece—
The jigsaw that was already ruined.
A place where I tried to fit,
But it’s broken.
Damaged by hands I never asked for,
Inflicted with pain I never called upon.

The seat is empty—yet I can't sit.
Did you see the list?
Because I was never invited.

So I’m walking away...
Away from everyone,
Away from the light.
Into the rain, into the dark,
Let it hold me tight.

Let the tears stream, just like always.
Thank the skies for soaking me through—
So I don’t have to hide
As I shatter on my way.

She was starlight—
No… maybe brighter.
She sleeps in glass and breathes in flowers,
Moves like the soil was born just to hold her.

She smiled like the sunbeams needed her wrinkles,
Glanced like the wind borrowed her blinks.
I never heard her voice—
My only privilege
Was to gaze upon her frame.

But if I ever heard her speak,
I believe it would be
Sweeter than sweetness itself.

She wasn’t just ethereal—
She made me question
If she ever belonged to this planet at all.

I saw her once.
And I knew—
Hers was a beauty
That beauty itself would bow to.

She wasn’t made of moonlight,
Nor crafted by heavens,
She wasn’t an angel.

She was something beyond all of that—
Something even language could never contain.
No tongue could trace her form,
No name could describe her light.

Until I found myself asking the universe:
Was she really meant for Earth?

My home wasn’t the wonderland I once believed.
There was no warmth—
But it didn’t start that way.
I remember the rainbows in their eyes
When mother and father still loved each other.

Then, a heavy black cape cloaked our roof.
A home meant for love
Shattered—without tools, without warning.
Father became someone I couldn't recognize.
Mother refused to face the truth.

They stayed tangled in a broken ride,
A rollercoaster long past its turn.
Until the tracks split,
And so did they.

We were left behind—
As if we didn’t deserve to know why.

Now—
Mother’s found her sweet soft place.
Father’s left in his quiet space.

I’m not on any side.
But I know pain…
Even in those who caused it.
Even in my father—
For all he put me through.

Still,
Every time I see him
Eating, sleeping, alone—
It breaks my heart
In silence,
Even when I know the truth.

I've always left my door unlocked,
Every minute, every second,
Never counting the fruit you placed in my basket,
Yet always giving more.

Even when tides roared high,
I plunged deep to fetch treasures for you.
Day and night,
I traced familiar names before closing my book,
Never once asking for rubies or dimes.

I welcomed rusted rings without hesitation,
Made space beside me,
Poured extra glasses,
Held my arms open, never withholding warmth.

But I never noticed—
I kept scaling heights to gather the brightest blooms,
Only to watch them stolen from my hands.
No one ever turned back.

Today, my eyes are open.
And I see—
My heart, still fighting against the tide,
Was never cherished, only spent.

A ride so long,
I stayed still — patiently.
Despite the bumps, the noise,
deep breaths were my only companion.

I looked out the window
from the very first time I hopped in,
and I’ve seen all four seasons since.

At first,
my eyes would sting from the raw sunlight,
my skin would burn as it wept under heat.
Later, when night came,
there was barely an echo —
only paths drowned in darkness
and chills that wrapped the air.

They left me with goosebumps,
my gaze sinking toward my lap,
as my heart quietly shrank.

But there were good times, too —
when skies stretched wide in scattered colors,
when leaves fell gently from trees
and I’d reach up to catch them, one by one.
When the steel in the air
felt like a hug too big to let go.

That — was comfort.

And right now, I’ll wait again to feel that.
It’s okay if it takes longer,
because today,
I can finally sleep under the sun.

Will it really come?
I don’t want to doubt it —
It may take longer…
but seasons never skip, right?

Don’t ever say that to me…
It’s already burning in my skin.
It kills me slowly, in silent series.
A part of me—I stopped collecting.

I thought I’d be her only adventure.
I thought I was her first flower to bloom—
Blooming without needing her to pour the water.

Not once did I think
It would be you she’d run to.

Just once…
I loved her.
I really loved her.

I loved her like shade under the sun,
Like daylight after darkness,
Like the last breath before sinking underwater.

I loved her
In ways I didn’t know I could.
I gathered the stars for her,
Even when they bruised my hands—
But I never stopped,
Because I wanted her to see
That the light still exists
Even when it’s not in the sky.

But it seems…
She liked the moonlight better.

Never the stars.

And I…
I can’t give her the moon.
Which means
I can’t love her better.

Maybe he gave her the moon.
That’s why these stars didn’t matter.
I know the moon is greater than the stars—
But don’t stars shine too?

Why did she choose the moon?
Is it because every star glows differently?

...Well—
Fine.
The moon lights up the sky.
Not the stars.

My legs move in rhythm from dusk till dawn,
Without the need for time to tell me when to stop.
I don’t look down at my feet or the space I walk—
It’s etched in my skin. I can’t choose to not walk.

The skies stretch in colors, shifting each day.
I gaze away—
Because I know they’ll return, anyway.

I speak with no melody,
My voice flows like a lost waterfall.
Soaked in humor, in laughter that tints the soul,
Even if I fall—my voice knows no walls.

I swing with life like a reckless swing,
It set my rights ablaze—truth made me see:
A soul reaching for candy, two wheels too high.
Another stares at the sky,
With sunglasses and a stick by his side.
A girl lifts her arms and tries to speak—
Joy dancing in silence that most wouldn't seek.

And still...
I took it as a free pass.
Looked away from this quiet pain—
Scrolled lifeless screens
And lost myself in puzzles that never fit.
I cried in darkness,
Refused to turn toward light, again and again.
Wasted my ticks
On futile discs.

Spending borrowed days like they’re endless,
Though I don’t even know if I’ll wake again.
How far have I drifted into all this noise?
I wouldn’t even know—
If I didn’t wake up one day.

Come with me—
don’t sleep, please stay.
For now, don’t fade into absence;
let this second count the way I pray.

Fill the silence—please,
help me stay.
Make a noise:
even a single chime of wind
would let my heart sway.

Don’t go yet,
like colours draining from a bouquet.
It’s dry and wounded,
but surely it can stay—right?

They stole you,
sold you to the heavens,
yet in my realm
you must remain.
You will stay—
though my soul shatters
each time I face that ruthless truth.

I can’t bear to watch the day
when I can’t fill the empty space
where once you lay.

My home stands in horror:
your breath no longer collides with my air.
My garden lost its flowers;
sunshine refuses to appear
the moment you were snatched
into the nimbus glare.

Along these aisles of fading souls
I hoped to walk beside you—
but you left before me.

I wish you stayed.
I wish you stayed.
I wish you still stayed
—here—with me.

I walked forward, avoiding my own glances,
Fear grazing my mind — what if I slip along the way?
Still, I kept standing — almost unstoppable —
Yet trembling beneath, as peril smirked from far away.

Each time I bent my knee for the next slab,
The chill in the wind hushed against my skin,
As if whispering, urging me to leave —
Each second, it played with my strength within.

It added bricks to my wall of fear,
As if it planned to make them last,
I stopped — though I knew I shouldn't —
Hearing the echo of my heart beat fast.

I shrank my eyes and opened again,
Wishing this was only a dream,
But I knew I couldn't run or hide
While clinging to safety's fading seam.

So I let go of the delicate things
The locks, the walls I built in fear,
And with no clear hitch upon the path,
I took a step—away from here.

The light shone ..but only where I stood —
Around me lay the dark and dread,
But still I walked with quiet hands,
Clutching clovers not yet dead.

I don’t know where I’ll end up next,
But I keep walking — trembling, sincere —
I only know I won’t stay trapped,
In all this horror… I wouldn’t dare.

If only…
The sea had no storms,
The earth never met cyclones,
And clouds spared the exquisite skies—
But that wouldn’t sound right, would it?
It can’t be that easy, can it?
Who gets a free pass on the swing
Without the perfect token?

I smirk to myself,
Eyes wide open,
Reading the universe’s paintings and essays.

No matter how many times
You’ve walked through darkness,
Or stood in hell’s fire—
It doesn’t spare you.
Even if your skin holds a thousand scars,
Pain finds room
In the space between them.

Because here’s the truth:
It doesn’t really matter—
Even when all you asked for
Was simple access to the path.


“It” is just warming up
For what’s coming next.

A silent day paired with mean weather—
The sun gave no warning before it showed up.
My skin grew tanner by the second,
But it didn’t matter—
My mind was piled up,
Wandering into another realm,
As the noise outside faded like sounds underwater.

Warm wind swept through my bangs,
Tickling my brows.
My palm cupped my jaw,
As I tilted toward the door,
Sitting still—
Like an abandoned statue on the floor.

And then I met his gaze.
It didn’t search for answers,
But somehow—it shouted my name.
It was louder than his charm,
Almost ethereal—
Like kaleidoscope art:
A beauty no being could ever describe.

Just a fleeting scene.
But in my home,
He took a permanent seat.

In a world of popstars and flashing idols,
I was drawn to a quiet soul—
Wiping his sweat,
As he washed strangers’ bowls

You're beautiful—like the butterflies,
With eyes that sparkled like broad daylight.
Lips dressed in cherry blossom tones—
Where I longed to taste, yet dared not own.

But I believed I held no right
To touch this fleeting, sacred sight.
So I remained—
A silent soul in quiet worship,
Watching from a gentle distance.

Your dimples shy,
As if they feared to be seen.
Your steps so light,
As though the air itself carried you.
Your hair fell over your shoulders, soft and slow—
Turning with the wind, like whispers in flow.

And oh, the way you smelled—
A field of flowers not known to this earth.
Your skin…
Softer than a newborn’s breath.
Your brows—drawn by angels, not men.
I paused,
For every word I found
Unfolded into a thousand more,
And still could not contain
The breath you stole from me.

But I never told you.
I watched in awe,
Words heavy in my throat.
And when you asked, “Why me?”
With eyes like frightened doe—
You mistook my silence as distance.
Thought I was like the rest.

But I was just…
Too stunned to speak,
While reasons kept echoing in my soul,
Like music I couldn’t translate.

My man...
He was the light to my caravan,
The sweetness in my beats of plums,
The story behind each sudden smile,
His fingers spoke to my skin in hums.

He was something—
Like the comet,
I never searched for in the skies,
For in my world, he already hovered—
Glowing just behind my eyes.

I never needed mirrors
When his gaze reflected me whole.
He made my silence sound like music,
He stitched warmth into my soul.

His presence—
Like chandeliers in an old ballroom,
He twirled into my dreams,
Filling corners I didn’t know were vacant,
Like poetry brushing through moonbeams.

And when I think of him...
I picture the way he’d push back his hair
When the rude wind stole his view.
I wonder what his laugh would do to walls—
And if he’d paint them his favorite blue.

My man...

I loved a man who doesn’t exist.
But oh—how beautifully he lived,
In the gentle kingdom of my wish.

Two pillows rest beneath my eyes,
Somber skin, cold — I can’t rise.
A weight I can’t lift, not this time,
Same lessons dressed in shifting lies.

This goes beyond,
A canyon deep and sky-high.
Each inch I climb,
Some force still drains my light.

This beating door was always cracked,
But never wept —
Till betrayal struck from behind,
And left it dust, bereft.

Did I trip?
Why am I always down below?
Why the rock, and never the marble's glow?
No, I don’t crave cloaks spun from gold,
Nor plead for eyes that endlessly behold.

I just wanted a glance —
One that finally looks back.

But answers blur, drowned in my flooded gaze,
Tears drawn by reflections I only meet in shade.
They soak the margins where I left space for peace,
Now I echo to myself, if only for release.

From mother, to every other,
Why can’t I seem to fit in their world — or fill it?

She walked with her head held low,
Her gaze drifting softly to the floor.
And in that fleeting glimpse—
She caught my eye,
Her purple dress swaying like coral reefs aglow,
As if leaving clues
With every quiet step she took.

It wasn’t flashy,
Just a silent wish to be seen
In this lost rollercoaster of a world.

In her delicate steps, she came close.
My heart stirred—
And the words escaped before my mind could catch them:
“You’re beautiful,” I said.

She remained adrift,
Her wrinkles paused like a still tide—
Holding moments I’d never know.
Her eyes stayed far away,
As if the past hadn’t let go.
“You’re beautiful,” I repeated.

She heard me this time.
But the air… it changed.
Her gaze returned to the floor.
“No, I’m old,” she whispered.

Silence lingered as she turned to go.
It stung—
But I couldn't let the moment flow,
Like a closed door I wasn't meant to know.

“You’re really beautiful,” I said, one more time.

A small smile played on her lips,
One she tried to tuck away.

I watched her disappear
In a red car
That carried stories I’d never know.

But even in her melancholic grey,
She chose to show up today.

Why do old souls believes
Their beauty vanishes with age?
Why hide away when they're called
With kindness, like today

A banyan only grows more alive
As it stretches through the years.
Its beauty deepens—
Even if it forgets.

And what made it beautiful?
Not ornaments or rouge,
Not even flowers.
But years—layered in silence,
Winds endured and roots held firm.
A beauty not painted,
But carved by time and trials.
Is it a curse? Or a gift we misname?
Either way,
It’s still beautiful—
Like nature,
That made you breathe first.

Do it,
Do it again.
Give me all your time,
Let your smile linger—light yet deceiving.

Say the words that lift me high,
Tilt your head, let your eyes soften,
Make me fall deeper, deeper still.

Then…
Tell me I’m the only one,
And when you leave with the changing seasons,
Step back in, whispering, "I was caught."

And when you know you’ve broken me,
Say, "I’m sorry."
And when you do it with intent,
Say, "I didn’t mean it."
And when you see my world collapsing,
Say, "I have to go."

Lie after lie, I still stay.
So why not unveil the key to my cage?
Why not set me free?
Please.
You don’t have to force it—you're free to leave.

Why is love not free?
Even it has boundaries and locks before we can reach it.
Some of us are stopped by invisible walls,
As if we need to earn the right to feel it.

Then where are we supposed to run,
Just to encounter what we’ve been longing for?
Why are some of us scared to fall in love?
Why do we force ourselves to look away—
Before we fall harder?

Do some of us still whisper,
“Don’t do this again,”
To ourselves?

We watch our hands get tied—
And we don’t make a move,
Because hope doesn’t flicker,
Even if we do.

This world is too cold,
Too unkind to keep love.
Instead of letting it be bold,
We display it like it’s sold.

Today, some of us have locked our doors,
Just so we don’t open our hearts again.
It may seem strong...
But it’s tragic—because we’re afraid to try again.

This world could’ve been filled with warmth,
If we didn’t have to say “please.”
But this reality we can’t erase—
What did we all do to deserve this

What are we chasing?
Why are we all running in a marathon—
when there isn't even one?

What are we hoping to reach?
Is there really a finish line?

Tell me,
when was the last time you slowed your pace?
Why not pause—
just for a moment?

Step away from the crowd.
Sit under this shade,
and stop trembling.

There’s nobody watching.
It’s just you… and you.

Now look at your palms.
How long have you been gripping?
So distracted,
you didn’t even notice the bruising.

Look at your feet.
How long have you been running—
stepping over shards,
tripping on rocks,
chasing an invisible line…
while your wounds kept bleeding?

Cover your ears from the noise,
just for once.
Look down.
Close your eyes.

Can you hear it?
It's still beating.

“What took you so long?”
That wasn’t me.
It was your heart,
finally whispering.

How are flowers romantic?
Why are bouquets considered fancy?
How do we see them as sweet, as pleasant—
symbols of love in our bonds—
when these lives themselves are torn
from the roots that held them whole?

We cut their stems,
judging what is perfect enough to give.
Yet when our own skin is slit,
we call it damage,
not beauty.

We hand each other lives already dimming,
beauty already faltering,
and it matters to none of us—
does it?

As days rush past,
where do these flowers go?
Wounded, drying,
abandoned on tables,
or worse, tossed away.

Once they sparked a bond,
risking their own.

Perhaps flowers should never
have breathed upon this earth.
For as long as beauty exists,
our hands will always reach to destroy it,
and still wonder why there is no more.

At the edge of a playground,
The swings sway empty.
Why can’t I reach them?
The seesaw stands still,
Why do I only watch?

The slide, as if waiting for someone,
Yet here I sit, staring at the emptiness.
Wasn’t this everything I wanted?
The things I used to cry for,
The reasons I pulled back the curtains
And looked out the window,
The silent prayers I whispered.

Then…
What happened today?

It wouldn’t be this silent
If the wind chimes Mother hung still sang from the ceiling.
It wouldn’t be this dark
If the warm lights still clung to the corners of the wall.
It wouldn’t be so pale
If the colors weren’t buried beneath lifeless paint.

There are things I never got to see clearly—
Like how those canvas paintings fell,
Even when the nail never moved.

I wish I’d been given a pass to the answers—
What exactly sleeps beneath these blurry lies?

But my train kept skipping the stations
I was meant to discover.
Now I’m stuck
In this trigonometric aisle—
Too angled to rest, too sharp to escape.

Sometimes, I don’t know how to feel,
But there’s one thing I know is real:
I still have to stay on this ride,
Even if it strips me down.

I’m not whole, and I’m not made of steel—
Because beneath all this armor,
I still crave love.

I’ve longed for warmth,
But never knew where to find it.
I used to fear the dark,
Until my only empire became
A blanket—
Because it did what my father never did.

I tried to return home… to Mother,
But she shut the door
Before I could even lift my foot to the step.

Everything was cracked—
Every side of me.
Taped together with fragile seams,
Pretending to be fine.

But I know I’m not alone.
And I don’t mourn—
Because I was told to grow.

As if I’m the only one with a heart
In a world of trillions?
Surely others have seen worse.
But I wouldn’t know.

So I’ll save my tears for now,
Pick up my mirror,
And walk—
Toward the next terror.

How can you walk down the aisle—
when we just shared our soul?
All these pearls,
like we never had a thread at all
you still walked back to your lovely home.

I was here
to fill the space,
thinking I was earning my place beside you.
Each time I held your gaze,
I never knew someone else held it better.

Your beautiful smiles—
they felt carved just for me.
If only you'd told me
they belonged to somebody.

I'm such a fool
Not for falling—
but for burying my what ifs
every time I heard your voice.
That you could still smile
like I was your whole world,
while handing it to someone else.

That you could still look at me
like I was the only soul you knew,
while hiding someone behind your door.
That you could still hold me,
make me feel like home,
while someone else was keeping you warm.

Was I carried away?
Or was it just your smile that felt too real?
It aches—
in places I never knew could hurt.

How can you sit by their side
and pretend I we've never met?
I believed we would hold this together
until the very end.

But did I really end up here?
I couldn’t grasp this truth, but…
it felt real to me.
You just felt real to me.