My home wasn’t the wonderland I once believed.
There was no warmth—
But it didn’t start that way.
I remember the rainbows in their eyes
When mother and father still loved each other.

Then, a heavy black cape cloaked our roof.
A home meant for love
Shattered—without tools, without warning.
Father became someone I couldn't recognize.
Mother refused to face the truth.

They stayed tangled in a broken ride,
A rollercoaster long past its turn.
Until the tracks split,
And so did they.

We were left behind—
As if we didn’t deserve to know why.

Now—
Mother’s found her sweet soft place.
Father’s left in his quiet space.

I’m not on any side.
But I know pain…
Even in those who caused it.
Even in my father—
For all he put me through.

Still,
Every time I see him
Eating, sleeping, alone—
It breaks my heart
In silence,
Even when I know the truth.

Weave away from me
as you sleep with another soul.
Spend your hours where they belong,
save them for the one who makes you whole.

Hold your delicate space in your heart,
but let it never beat for me.
Offer your fragile smile to them,
avert your gaze when I sing quietly.

Clutch them close each night,
while I drown alone in soaking sheets.
Kiss them with your tender lips,
as you hurl my soul against cold walls.

Give them warmth without restraint,
while I rot in an abandoned cradle.
Tell them they are safe with you,
as you leave my skin in ruins, unstable.

Through all the changing seasons,
I cannot help but confess—
I love you still,
though in your cruelest games you handled me best.

So hide from me again and again,
pretend my eyes don’t pierce your fence.
But I… I don’t know how to quit,
for I’ve already placed that ring—
to stay,
even if it splits.

My man...
He was the light to my caravan,
The sweetness in my beats of plums,
The story behind each sudden smile,
His fingers spoke to my skin in hums.

He was something—
Like the comet,
I never searched for in the skies,
For in my world, he already hovered—
Glowing just behind my eyes.

I never needed mirrors
When his gaze reflected me whole.
He made my silence sound like music,
He stitched warmth into my soul.

His presence—
Like chandeliers in an old ballroom,
He twirled into my dreams,
Filling corners I didn’t know were vacant,
Like poetry brushing through moonbeams.

And when I think of him...
I picture the way he’d push back his hair
When the rude wind stole his view.
I wonder what his laugh would do to walls—
And if he’d paint them his favorite blue.

My man...

I loved a man who doesn’t exist.
But oh—how beautifully he lived,
In the gentle kingdom of my wish.

You're beautiful—like the butterflies,
With eyes that sparkled like broad daylight.
Lips dressed in cherry blossom tones—
Where I longed to taste, yet dared not own.

But I believed I held no right
To touch this fleeting, sacred sight.
So I remained—
A silent soul in quiet worship,
Watching from a gentle distance.

Your dimples shy,
As if they feared to be seen.
Your steps so light,
As though the air itself carried you.
Your hair fell over your shoulders, soft and slow—
Turning with the wind, like whispers in flow.

And oh, the way you smelled—
A field of flowers not known to this earth.
Your skin…
Softer than a newborn’s breath.
Your brows—drawn by angels, not men.
I paused,
For every word I found
Unfolded into a thousand more,
And still could not contain
The breath you stole from me.

But I never told you.
I watched in awe,
Words heavy in my throat.
And when you asked, “Why me?”
With eyes like frightened doe—
You mistook my silence as distance.
Thought I was like the rest.

But I was just…
Too stunned to speak,
While reasons kept echoing in my soul,
Like music I couldn’t translate.

Come to me, piece by piece,
Bring the sparks like chandeliers in streams.
Sealed letters I failed to read,
Clues you gave that I didn’t heed.
Show me the smiles I couldn't perceive,
Speak your truths I chose not to believe.

Hand me your lanterns—I let them drown
In rivers where I stood to watch us down.
Cruel, this ache that memory delivers—
Each time I recall, I shiver.

You pinned me too high on the wall.
Now watch me—
Watch me fall.
Took me years to realise:
You were the hold that slowed my slide.

But I refused to come another mile.
Now you're someone else’s muse,
And I—
I can't undo,
Can’t choose to return,
For it would only bruise
The peace you’ve earned.

Still, I tremble,
For being a fool.
I’ll regret this
Till my last breath,
For I lost a blessing—
Too blind to see,
Too deaf to feel,
Too numb to believe
You loved me.

How can you walk down the aisle—
when we just shared our soul?
All these pearls,
like we never had a thread at all
you still walked back to your lovely home.

I was here
to fill the space,
thinking I was earning my place beside you.
Each time I held your gaze,
I never knew someone else held it better.

Your beautiful smiles—
they felt carved just for me.
If only you'd told me
they belonged to somebody.

I'm such a fool
Not for falling—
but for burying my what ifs
every time I heard your voice.
That you could still smile
like I was your whole world,
while handing it to someone else.

That you could still look at me
like I was the only soul you knew,
while hiding someone behind your door.
That you could still hold me,
make me feel like home,
while someone else was keeping you warm.

Was I carried away?
Or was it just your smile that felt too real?
It aches—
in places I never knew could hurt.

How can you sit by their side
and pretend I we've never met?
I believed we would hold this together
until the very end.

But did I really end up here?
I couldn’t grasp this truth, but…
it felt real to me.
You just felt real to me.

Just a square piece—
Thinner than my smiles.
Who made it?
All these photographs...

A delicate slice,
A pause of cherished time to remind—
But sometimes, it's too fragile,
A sting that always rewinds.

I never liked them.
Every time I gaze upon one,
It invites my tears
Before my vision can even run.

And every time, it feels ridiculous
To realize—
I'm weeping over seconds
That have already flown by.

Why did we capture it?
Did we already know it wouldn’t last?
Did we hold that moment still,
Already fearing it would slip?

Back then, it never mattered
If we'd smile again.
A moment, a person, or a real smile...
I thought it would only pause for a photograph.

I never thought,
One day,
It would also pause
In the lines of my life.