My Rubber Puzzles
It’s killing me.
I thought I did the right thing when I found the piece—
The jigsaw that was already ruined.
A place where I tried to fit,
But it’s broken.
Damaged by hands I never asked for,
Inflicted with pain I never called upon.

The seat is empty—yet I can't sit.
Did you see the list?
Because I was never invited.

So I’m walking away...
Away from everyone,
Away from the light.
Into the rain, into the dark,
Let it hold me tight.

Let the tears stream, just like always.
Thank the skies for soaking me through—
So I don’t have to hide
As I shatter on my way.

Was right at heart,
Real in soul,
I gazed at everything — white and whole.
Each bond lit up with quiet sparkles,
As I wandered through endless marvels.

I walked every road with joy in stride,
Never seeing the tentacles rise.
Meanwhile, I fooled myself to believe,
That every encounter had something to leave.

Because it felt real,
I made vows with zeal —
Each one sacred, each one dear.
And this one,
I held closest to my chest,
Guarding every beating door that once colored my quest.

But oleanders look beautiful too —
Until you touch them,
And they bruise you.
Turns out...
Everyone around me
Was wearing a mask.

At the edge of a playground,
The swings sway empty.
Why can’t I reach them?
The seesaw stands still,
Why do I only watch?

The slide, as if waiting for someone,
Yet here I sit, staring at the emptiness.
Wasn’t this everything I wanted?
The things I used to cry for,
The reasons I pulled back the curtains
And looked out the window,
The silent prayers I whispered.

Then…
What happened today?

Two pillows rest beneath my eyes,
Somber skin, cold — I can’t rise.
A weight I can’t lift, not this time,
Same lessons dressed in shifting lies.

This goes beyond,
A canyon deep and sky-high.
Each inch I climb,
Some force still drains my light.

This beating door was always cracked,
But never wept —
Till betrayal struck from behind,
And left it dust, bereft.

Did I trip?
Why am I always down below?
Why the rock, and never the marble's glow?
No, I don’t crave cloaks spun from gold,
Nor plead for eyes that endlessly behold.

I just wanted a glance —
One that finally looks back.

But answers blur, drowned in my flooded gaze,
Tears drawn by reflections I only meet in shade.
They soak the margins where I left space for peace,
Now I echo to myself, if only for release.

From mother, to every other,
Why can’t I seem to fit in their world — or fill it?

All the things I wanted to say to you
Have turned to fading memories.
And there’s nothing left I can do
To rewind these quiet miseries.

This isn’t what I wished for—
Your light dimmed,
Then outran mine before.
But I already missed the boat,
Fate tore through vows I never wrote.

At least come to me in dreams—
In my sleep, or drifting through day beams.
Don’t bring in the noise of reality,
Let this world be just you and me.

We’ll hang ornaments on fading daffodils,
I won’t wake if the silence fills.
If you’re a lie, let me stay within it,
I'll cross every tie just to relive a minute.

So please—don’t wake me up.
Let me swing inside this make-believe rhyme.
Not just for now...
Because at least in this world,
You’re finally mine.

I walked forward, avoiding my own glances,
Fear grazing my mind — what if I slip along the way?
Still, I kept standing — almost unstoppable —
Yet trembling beneath, as peril smirked from far away.

Each time I bent my knee for the next slab,
The chill in the wind hushed against my skin,
As if whispering, urging me to leave —
Each second, it played with my strength within.

It added bricks to my wall of fear,
As if it planned to make them last,
I stopped — though I knew I shouldn't —
Hearing the echo of my heart beat fast.

I shrank my eyes and opened again,
Wishing this was only a dream,
But I knew I couldn't run or hide
While clinging to safety's fading seam.

So I let go of the delicate things
The locks, the walls I built in fear,
And with no clear hitch upon the path,
I took a step—away from here.

The light shone ..but only where I stood —
Around me lay the dark and dread,
But still I walked with quiet hands,
Clutching clovers not yet dead.

I don’t know where I’ll end up next,
But I keep walking — trembling, sincere —
I only know I won’t stay trapped,
In all this horror… I wouldn’t dare.