Maybe if I was able to catch them
I could use them
I could free them
I could be them
But not
Never
For these feelings elude me
These incomplete poems haunt me
These unfinished stories haunt me
These unwritten novels
These imaginary scripts
These castles of sand
That exist
Only within my head
Never do they come out
Never do they shine
I fear
That when I die
They will die with me
They will perish alongside
And I shall remain
Unfulfilled
Unsatisfied
Hungry
Frantic
Full of regret
Full of pain
I fear
I shall die
With this heavy heart
Weighing me down
Drowning me under the soil
Burning me on the pyre
I fear this
I am terrified

In these troubled and treacherous waters, you are the lighthouse that guides me
In these times of war, you are the compass of my justice
In these days of no light, you are my single ray of hope
In this desert of a life, you are my single rose

In every awkward silence
And every lingering touch
My heart aches
For you know as well as I do
Why
Why the words in our hearts
Never reach the tip of our tongues
Why even when we are so close
We are lightyears apart
Why even when we both know
We refuse to speak
No, we are not star-crossed lovers
We are not that lucky
We are soulmates
Who are never meant to be

I know you better
Than any man will ever know
I have seen you at your best
I have been beside you
As you took off those shackles
And let yourself be vulnerable
No one will ever make you laugh
As I have made you laugh
No one will ever understand my jokes
As well as you do

And only you
Only you stir up these feelings in me
Feelings of unease
Yet such comfort
That I wish to lay beside
But I can't
For I know
For you know
We can't
For we are never meant to be
What we have is not love
No, we are not that lucky
What we have is complicated

I have lived
But
Never have i lived my life
As my own
As it should have been
Lived

I have existed
But
Never have i mattered
Never did i have meaning
Nor what i did ever
Mattered

I have run
I have cried
I have felt raindrops on my cheeks
As they fell
On and on

As i have wandered
A ghost
A shell
A copy
Just out of a machine
Lying on the floor
Never to be pondered

I have seen
I have heard
I have read
Magnificent stories
Where i could have
Been

I have slept
I have dreamt
Of my past
My days
Which could have been
Better spent

Only in the greatest injustice
The greatest martyrs have arisen
To rid the world of the greatest demons
The greatest gods have awoken
The greatest discoveries
Have come after the greatest journies
The greatest joys
Have sometimes come from the greatest mournings
The greatest creations
Came from the greatest toils
The greatest marvels
Have always been the greatest spoils
The greatest war
Has always brought the greatest justice
Only the greatest suffering
Has given the world, the greatest peace

From the depths of sea
Icarus is calling me
Beneath the waves
He awaits me
With full faith
And unshaken resolve
His will
The sea cannot dissolve
I stand on the beach
Watching the tides
Helpless, hopeless
For i can take no strides
Towards my son
Towards my blood
As i think of him
My fears flood
My mind
My heart weeps
Not for my son but
Thinking of monsters in the deep
I, a coward
Should not call myself a father
I led my son to his death
What shall i tell his mother?
That Icarus fell
As he flew towards the Sun
This father could not help
He just watched stunned
As the wax on his wings melted
By the Sun's light
Never will Icarus rise again
Nor ever will he take a flight

she has flown over the cuckoo's nest
one moment she talks in jest
the other she rages on
she shouts about the battles she has won
she also talks about the fights she has lost
driven by her compulsion, scream she must
why?

she feels drowned
by the sea of sounds
she feels the need to cry
despite her failures, she feels the need to try
what?

she warns her fellow men
she lets them hear the pain of women
unhinged some might call  her
but there is no one that can stop her
how?

how did she get here, what route she took
she looks mad but maybe she is a saint mistook
maybe she is a philosopher gone astray
in her life, it seems that things have not gone her way

i hear her everyday
i think about her, what can make her pain go away?
is she happy, is she sad?
maybe someday she will stop being so mad
so crazy and see the light
someday she might stop her fight
against her invisible enemies and take her rest
maybe she will fly back from the cuckoo's nest

she has flown over the cuckoo's nest
one moment she talks in jest
the other she rages on
she shouts about the battles she has won
she also talks about the fights she has lost
driven by her compulsion, scream she must
why?

she feels drowned
by the sea of sounds
she feels the need to cry
despite her failures, she feels the need to try
what?

she warns her fellow men
she lets them hear the pain of women
unhinged some might call  her
but there is no one that can stop her
how?

how did she get here, what route she took
she looks mad but maybe she is a saint mistook
maybe she is a philosopher gone astray
in her life, it seems that things have not gone her way

i hear her everyday
i think about her, what can make her pain go away?
is she happy, is she sad?
maybe someday she will stop being so mad
so crazy and see the light
someday she might stop her fight
against her invisible enemies and take her rest
maybe she will fly back from the cuckoo's nest

And today I have finally shed everything,
Laid bare,
Peeled off all my skin,
Torn my muscles off,
And on these worn out bones
I have carved what it means to move ahead
Into the darkness
Without any knowledge
Of what lies ahead
What gale, what storm,
What hurricane, what tornado
Hinder my growth
From a sapling
Just raising my head
Above the thick layer of mud
Into the brave new world
To live again
To give again
To feel again
Today I have been born anew
And a billion possibilities lie ahead
Shall I become a butterfly
And flutter to the ends of the earth
Or shall I start as a firefly
And light my way into to the night
Maybe a hummingbird
And **** the nectar of life
But if I shall fall again as a human
Then again shall I rise
And become a new Phoenix
Today I have been born again
Today I will be born again
And forever I shall be born again and again
Even after I die
I shall live among the bacteria
That decompose me
Then I shall be one with mother earth
and I shall raise my head again
I shall break free as a leaf into a dear
And then I shall reside in the roar of a tiger
And so on it shall continue
Till the end of time
And I shall live forever
Thus, today I have been born again