I miss you.
I wish I didn’t have to.
By my side for all of time,
Never gone,
Never lost.
Yet it’s but a dream
A fairytale to never be seen,
To never be told.
As I grow old,
my heart turns cold
but I still miss you.
Longing, lusting
Till the end of time.

Hurting, feeling everything
But feeling nothing.
Broken, missing a piece
But finally complete.
Lonely, missing no one
But wanting someone.
Desperate now, destroyed beautifully.
Almost too perfectly.
Made to fade a stolen soul being sold.
Torn apart in the darkest times
Never to be whole
No longer a soul
But forever mine.

My dying day will be welcomed.
Celebrated, more than a wedding.
Loved more than any other funeral.
Not sooner forgotten than a fleeing friend cruelly brought to their end.

My dying day will bring a glorious uproar that will soar freely.
Lightening the hearts of many
Unburdening the minds of every
One.
Healing the soul of scars
Bring unity from frivolity
Rising age-old joy from the earth
Resurrecting silent peace in the middle of the night.

Soon my dying day will be here
To be regaled
To be enjoyed
I will be remembered not for life but for death.
Not for light but for dark.
On my dying day.

I’ve been trying.
So close to dying
Constantly bleeding
Forever seeking,
A way, a will to stay alive.
Faltering,
The restraint
The fight
I just might break
In two.
A painful death for a pained soul.
That prays to never grow old.
Trapped
Hidden
Cold

Alone...

Flowers in bloom
The sun beating down
Chirping birds
The sky mirroring the feeling of all;
Blue.
Saddened by the sunlight;
Sunset;
Sunrise.
Beautiful but freezing on contact.
Sweet but bracing in thoughts
Calm but crippling on the body.
Innocent but dangerous to blood.
Summer.
Truly beautiful.
Truly deadly

Soaring, cutting through the sky. Flying high, almost running far from the eye,
To see.
Missing home
Going alone
Rocking to and fro
As they bleed out.
Loving them,
Hoping then,
Fleeting.
So quick
Feeling sick
Wanting it,
To stop.
Soaring, cutting through the sky.
Falling from high,
Being seen by every eye,
Like
A fleeting dove...

Missing.
Losing, breaking.
You’re hurting, faking.
When they’re gone you’re bleeding, praying.
Waiting for them to come home but they never do.
Hoping they call or text, regretting
Everything.
Piercing. The words you said.
The ones you can’t help remembering.
Haunting. The scars you created.
The ones you keep replacing.
Dying. The love you felt.
The ones you loved.
Crying. Tears of blood.
The ones that keep pouring,
Falling.
I am broken now.

Blood.
Thicker than water.
The unity of those broken.
The breaker of unity.
It gives life and tears it away in seconds.
It damages a heart of a lover as it runs out.
When it spills
It kills
Pooling around the body you here it drip
And with it
Every last drop of life melts away into the ground.
Poisoning the earth.
The scales of life and death,
One.
Blood.

I’m depressed.
You can’t see but,
For me it is a reality.
I walk the halls of a treacherous soul,
Wishing to never grow old.
I wander the path of a broken heart,
Wishing I could forever part.
I run through the dark depths of an obliterated mind,
Hoping that it is death that I find.
Flesh,body and mind,
Being damaged, doomed infinitely
Being tainted indefinitely.
Hidden,
Stolen away,
Never to be seen
Never to be said.
I’m depressed.

Die.
I wish I could.
I should, really.
I could take a knife and slit my wrists or puncture my heart with a bullet.
I would bleed out and drown in it
Letting it seep into me.
My heart would stop beating
I’d have 7 minutes before the end.
I wouldn’t say goodbye to my family and friends.
I know. It’s cruel to wish away something that should be celebrated everyday but I just really want to
Die.

You lie,
I don’t know why.
I try,
To understand but I fail.
I reach out with open
Arms.
Waiting to catch you if you
Fall.
I fear,
that.  
Next time you’ll step all to near and tumble.
Leaving me empty.
You didn’t have to lie...

Nothing more than a blurred face
Someone in the crowd
Lost in the sea of people.
One of the many
One of the masses
A copycat of everyone else
No differences
No soul
No pain
No sorrow
It wouldn’t be noticed if they didn’t exist tomorrow
For they are a blurred face that never existed.

You put your all into something but it refuses you.
All the pain and suffering you experience was never worth it.
The pain and suffering you feel now just encompasses the everlasting hatred you feel for yourself.
The fight, the uphill battle is suffocating, drowning.
If defying gravity is impossible then what is the impending realisation that love is not your happy ever after?
Never being loved never loving someone else, as crushing as it may seem releases you. Or so they say.
Being cold to the touch and inside sets you free from heartbreak. The heartbreak that empowers you to defy gravity, to let you soar through the sky like a bird of the night.
Do we stay cold or do we love, love till our hearts give out, love till we soar and never fall, love till we defy gravity.
Defying gravity was never impossible it was the easiest thing ever known to mankind, it was different rather than hard, stranger rather than strong, weirder rather than powerful....

It
Is
Possible.

Why are we different?
Why do we hurt?
Why do we feel immense pain brought on by insignificant remarks and offensive comments?
Why is there judgement crippling the most brilliant of minds with unforeseen depression?
How do we let ourselves accept the love we think we deserve when we have a guardian angel tells us we could do better?
How does the heart heal after a heartbreak?
How does ones heart mend when someone dies?
What do we do when we can’t escape from our harsh reality?
Where do we go when we are struck in the heart by eternal pain? When the final arrow in the apple balanced on our heads sending it tumbling?
When the scales tipping and teetering agonisingly fall?
It’s a mystery.

Life, the unanswered question.

You watch through an artificial scope of hopes and dreams.
You see the world through a periscope, blurred and beautiful in all its distorted glory.
You look at the world through a window never living but forever dying; always a moment closer to the inevitable.
Then you die and you see the light, the light of the world changing the light of seeing change before your eyes.
You leave the world finally at peace as the world changes without you but it’s ok because your time has finally come.

It hurts.
It’s being hurt for a while but no one sees it hurts so much it’s almost crushing. The pain never ends. Seconds, minutes, days, months, years merging into one.

No one knows when it started but we know it never ends; eternally doomed to permanent suffering for crimes never committed.

They say if you do the crime you gotta do the crime but I ask why do the time for a crime...you didn’t commit.
Why be held hostage for someone else’s sin when you deserve to be free.
Why suffer in the pain, the flames that burn you alive when you could escape.

Escape from it be free find yourself, your path, leave every painful memory and person in the flames.
To burn for eternity,
Like.  
You.
Once.
Did.

I wish I could marry you tonight,
Under this magnificent moonlight,
It's shining so bright
And I know I never want to say goodnight.

But one night we will be free to lay together away from judgement, to kiss away from the confines of school, to hold hands and never let go.

We will have to wait for
these glorious nights to arrive but we will never have to strive for freedom.

For when it is here,
It will never disappear...
I will make this promise to you now my dear.

She’s getting hurt.
I try to save her but she pushes me away.
I don’t know what to say...
Anymore.

Tears fall
Insults flow...relentlessly
Blood is shed;
Splattered on the walls of her brain
Oh, her pain
It will never fade away
It will leave scars every day
Oh, her pain...

The sorrow I feel is so real,
Watching these events unfold
Will her wounds ever heal?
Will she ever be as bold?
In a world this cold,
All we need is love not suffering.

I take her hand in mine,
Trying not to cry,
Praying she would be mine,
Not hers...
But I despair as the world is unfair...
Alas she will never be mine.

No one sees them hurting,
They keep hiding inside,
Trying to stay alive.  
We see them bleeding,
We see them sinking,
They’re drowning, flailing
They’re worth saving;
But who saves them,
Not their mother.
Not their brother.
Not even their lover.
Their lover holds their head under the water, they can barely breathe, yet they ignore it.

You forget about outer beauty when you see inner beauty
The most important of all forms of beauty
People judge outer beauty as if you are not a human as beautiful as any other but an object
Beauty is art and art is subjective only the beholder sees its truth
Looking at you all day admiring you not you’re beauty but you’re strength
Art may be beautiful but not every beautiful thing is art you are not fragile like a painting
You’re the art that is natural
Yet subjective but never anything less than beautiful

Her soul matches the beauty of her,
As she laughs and giggles your insides begin to stir.
When she cries her beauty does not fade,
but your arms want to embrace her and make her let go of her pain.
The profundity of her eyes search your soul for anything and everything as beautiful as she.
You could get lost in her lips, oh so soft, oh so gentle when they brush against yours.
The sweet scent of her making you want to fall to your knees.
And although she does not see,
She is a beautiful girl,
Believe me...

The sun is beating down,
Making everything shimmer in its warm glow,
Especially her eyes...
The Roman Coliseum standing tall,
As she takes a picture.
Gelato running down her chin like an excited kid.
As night falls, the city ignites like one big match, brightening spirits of even the most miserable of people.
Her being among them.
She never wants to leave,
She never wants to go,
She never wants to forget her Summer in Rome.

You carve a name into your wrist with an inky sword.
You hope it would seep into your bloodstream, poisoning your purity.
It would make your once beating heart slow, slow to stillness.
The falling tears would disappear on contact.
The previously crimson scars would darken to magenta in an instant.
Your final breath released as a bang deafens the silent room.
The blood pours as the gun falls until there is nothing left.
Then a bright white light clouds their vision insuring they are vanishing from this life.
They are dead...

Suicide.

You lose yourself in the search for love.
Every time you take a step closer to to finding it,
It takes a step back, running away from you.
No one ever finds what they’re looking for but they find everything they ever wanted in the most unsuspecting person.
There’s no perfect person for anyone,
There’s no perfect person only those who love unconditionally and accept everything as it comes.

Stop searching for love as you will never find it.
It’ll come to you when you’re ready.
But are we ever ready for love or do we find our growth, our strength in our lover.
Our being,
Our other half,
Our everything or...
Do we fade into their shadow and run from love like it once did from us?