There are nights
That I think of you
All of you
It starts off as an idea in my head
I think of your face and the way my tongue wore your name so comfortably
I think of our relationship and in these moments I only think of the good
The good on how happy I felt to be with you
To be seen by you
To be wanted by you
And these memories lead to what some would perceive as creepy google searches
I start with your name and click on every link that has anything to do with you
I look at your old Facebook pictures when you were an insecure high schooler
And I smile and my heart softens
Because I knew you
You were apart of me
Sewed into my everyday life
You were my friend, my companion and maybe even my renegade lover or the object of my desire
And for a moment my heart longs for you
I long for what we had, whether it was a relationship deeper and more complex than the ocean or as shallow as a lake
I think of where we could’ve been today
What we could’ve been
And I think about who you are today
I wonder what you’re doing, how you’re doing
And who has the privilege of knowing you like I knew you
And for a moment my heart is saddened
And with that
I close the webpages, my thoughts of you going into hibernation
At least until another night
That I remember the idea of you

There’s never been a creation that God created and made a mistake on. From the sun right down to the tiny ants, they were intentional and purposeful. The same can be said about you. You are worthy. You are beautiful. Every cracks and crevices included. Remember to treat yourself as such. You can’t begin to love someone else without coming to this understanding.

The enemy will try to remind you of your mistakes. Remember that there is no condemnation in those who are in Christ Jesus. Key word: “IN”. Remember to continue to abide in Christ. And he will abide in you. This moment, as I’m writing this letter I can tell you that there is no better place or person better than Christ to abide in. Never allow yourself to think otherwise. Continue reading your bible intentionally, attending bible study groups (even if you don’t feel like its making a difference) and being consistent. Your reward is not more love or favor from Christ, because you already have that. Your reward is a better relationship with him.

Sincerely, [YOU]

If I should die
Remember me
If I should die remember me fondly
Not by slashes of my words that wounded you
But the cool balm of my words that comforted you
By the hearty soulful laugh that echoed from me
By the glee in my eyes when I jokingly tricked you
If I should die before I wake
Mourn me for a moment, for I am no longer here
But celebrate my existence in your life for ever
Because before I died your existence was Gods gift to me
So I hope you’d see my former existence as a gift that must be returned to its rightful own
A gift that will be cherished beyond measure by its owner