My lips feel so heavy
as though laying themselves down
awaiting your arrival
as I once did

you are the opposite of what I've known to be love
and I am the middle ground to fall back on

rejection and disinterest
swirl in my mental
as you say
ever so gentle
that you're obsessed

swirling, I turn
looking for return to ease
and surrender only to me

to you I'm distant
to me I'm eerily insistent
on my safety

if in the midst
of my failure to consist
you stay

perhaps I can fully learn to love
one day

She said
it's hard hearing happy songs
when they don't do their job
why would I listen to what I can't have

she let
her chosen songs speak
for themselves

they said
am I happy
are you
I don't need an answer now
but it's important to me please

and I felt
in the silence
her heart beating violent

and I heard
what I think she'd say

talking to him
is as good as hitting a wall
as good as a purposeless walk
in her hometown mall
listening to them play
songs
that can't make her happy

most times
I'm trapped in my mind
and most times
there's food to eat and coffee to grind

and I thank mother nature
for the mundanity
for the temporary release
from my insanity

It took more than a year
to believe, sincere
that being owned
is not the same
as being known.

Do you want
expertise
or experience

My experience in response sums
expertise please
A degree putting weight to words
but my past filling you with unease

If you trust degree over the other
you are a sponge for complicity
put simply
a tittilating talk tease

you talk trees and peoples needs
but walk by as I'm on my knees
begging to be seen

your zone screams
expertise only
my own experience irrelevant
my existence remains to you
irreverent

next.