Not a day goes by that I don’t wish
That I didn’t give up on you
I was stupid and selfish
A child myself without a clue

If I told you about my past
Would you believe me
If I told you all the careless **** I’ve done
Would you judge me

Would you know I hide behind pain
Trying to mask behind the shame
The emptiness, the guilt
Its hard to tear down this wall I’ve built

How do you erase a memory
Close your eyes and it’s all you see
Nothing will ease this hate in me
Because I let you be free

Im tired of the painful memories
It’s too hard to think
So to drown out the memories
I’ll take another drink

Parents fighting
Mom pouring ***** down the sink
Watching it as a child was hard to cope
I’ll take another drink

Smokin, drinking, and skipping school
Trying hard not to think
About the dysfunction of my life
I’ll take another drink

I met someone when I was young
With his consistent pry and just a wink
Selling drugs and stealing cars
I’ll have another drink

Getting pregnant at sixteen
My life changed in a blink
Living on welfare; living in constant fear
I’ll take another drink

I lost my mom to cancer
I was at the edge of my brink
So much turmoil running in my mind
I’ll take another drink

Is time really the healer of all pain
Does pain really ever go away
These questions ponder in my brain
And the pain seems to want to stay

It eats at you like a cancerous cell
The thoughts linger in my mind
Things I need not dwell
However, peace I cannot find

A battle against my sanity
Nobody is fighting but me
Yearning for sweet serenity
Longing to release this pain and be free

To you my happiness might be real
I wear my mask just right
To hide the sadness that I feel
To mask the internal fight

The pain is so surreal
Feeling numb inside
I wish this wasn’t real
This pain I wish to hide