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I’d love to be your pin-up Queen
(If you like those kinds of
Cobalt kiss-curl curves)

Legs in the air, little peep of underwear
Perfect, film star hair.
I’ll meet your hungry gaze
With my naughty starlet stare.

I’d love you loving me looking like that
Tell me about your hands.
Every line and callus, every ragged nail
And how they feel, and smell, and taste
The colours, shapes and
Sounds they make
When they touch
When they want to touch, too much
Whether they shake, or they are steady
Paint me a picture
And when I am ready
I'll open my eyes
And welcome your hands
On my storyboard flesh
And your hands can tell you
All about me.
Can you keep a secret, here for me?
Never tell, never tell,
Hold my secret in your heart
Until I can once again
Whisper his name.
I have a secret love
And I will take him with me
Wherever I go
Loving him
Despite
Loving him
Without
Loving him
Until my eyes darken and fade
And there need be no more keeping.
I will whisper then
I will whisper, when
all is over, he is gone, and I must go.
No-one must ever know.
I have woven you into my tale
And you must play your part
Keep my secret safe for me
Hide me in your heart.
I am waiting for you to touch me.

I am imagining how your hands will feel
Slowly sliding across my hips
I am thinking about your lips
And what you will do with them
What you will taste with your tongue.

I am waiting for you to touch me.

I am imagining your fingers
Around my throat, underneath my chin
Urging me, urgently
Opening parts of me.

I am waiting for you to touch me.

Our pores will release
A lovely musky smell
And other parts of us
Release delicious things, as well.

I am waiting for you to touch me.
Waiting. Waiting.
Please don't make me wait too long.
Cigarette burns
A nearly-broken arm
Spit *****, sandpaper,
A face rubbed in the mud.

So used to all those other names
I quite forgot my own.

It was all dealt with differently back then,
Not really condemned.
I was made to feel that it was my fault
For not conforming
To social norms.
I brought it on myself.

I hid under the stairs
Tensing, sensing
Their approach
Anticipating spit, and pain,
Determined not to cry again.

They found me, of course
They always found me
I had nowhere to go.
The hiding places were easily unearthed
By jolly torturers.

Eventually, It was easier to join in
And self torment.

It took me years to ditch those angry habits
And some of them
Have never gone away.
He will sing the song I have given him
Softly to another
On my behalf.
Gentle as a lullaby,
Lip quivering, but never a tremor
In those haunting, heartsick notes.
He will sing as if to stop would cause his heart to break,
His wrath to wake.
He will sing for me
Eternally.
I feel
So very unlike me

passive
quiet
small

I will forgive you everything, anything
Forever

I am here
Forgiving you for unmaking me
For making me
For
Everything
For
Anything.

Forever.
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