I keep trying to convince myself that I deserve to be happy.
I just can’t seem to find it.
At times, a ghost from my past gives me the false illusion that happiness is within my reach.
But then reality sets in.
The ghost suddenly vanishes, and I’m left alone staring at the clock through the blur of my tear-filled eyes.
Minute after minute, hour after hour. Unable to rest.
Afraid that I will be haunted if I close my eyes.
It is in those moments that I realize and truly understand- I could never be loved.
I will live out the rest of my days in somber solitude.
Smiling on the outside, dying from within.
Chasing your ghost is like fighting a battle I know I’ll never win.

Viewing my reflection,
All I see is deception.
There’s a common misconception
Of what deserves acceptance.
So I try to read the script
And I attempt to play the part,
But what I show to the world
Isn’t what’s really in my heart.
I understand that I am flawed,
But the world makes me feel broken.
Through this expression of emotion
Understanding is what I’m hoping
To obtain.

Thoughts that consume my mind are driving me insane.
And I constantly wear masks
So you don’t ever see my pain.
If you did,
I know you’d never understand.
That every night before I lay,
I pray I will not awake.
And as each day goes past,
I wish it were my last.

If I let you see the truth,
you’d think I need to be locked up.
Its ****** up,
cuz the fact is that
you’re the one who’s causing this!
You’re the one who tears me down
And demolishes my confidence!
You’re the one who shoved me
When I needed you to help me stand!
You’re the one who pulled away when I reached out for you’re hand.
Instead of helping me up,
You rubbed salt in my wounds.
And when I screamed out for you,
You never answered my call.

You make me feel so alone.
I see now that it’s hopeless.
Why should I live, if my life isn’t worth ****?
How can I learn to love myself
When no one else could ever love me?
How could I ever show the world that I’m somebody worth something?

If pain isn't tangible:
Why do I feel it rolling down my cheeks?
Why can I feel it in my stomach?
Why do I feel so weak?
My heart was shattered
I can feel the punctures from each piece.
Why do I feel so empty? Hollow? Incomplete?