I lie in bed at night
and feel the warmth of your skin
radiating heat and safety
in the darkness of your room
and I feel whole

Laying a hand on your bare chest,
I pray to the God of your religion
or any religion
who will just hear my prayer
my plea, my cry
to guide and protect you now

I fade into unconsciousness
knowing that all happiness
is in this room
and that I must cling to it, cherish it
as I drift into sleep

The hour is quickly approaching
where I must leave this holy place,
this place that has filled me
with such hope

My heart aches at the thought
of not seeing your shape
sprawled out in the heat next to mine
or feeling the gentle flutter of your lips
on my face
as you disappear before dawn

It's a daunting despair
that promises to leave me
with a hole in my heart
the size of your hand

And yet, it is my favorite kind of pain
a pain that decrees
there are things in life
which are so good and so real
that I am able to hurt so deeply

It is for this sweet sadness
this soul crushing ache
that I know that the world is good

I inhale
and exhale
alone

I am heavy with thoughts
that live in my head
I am beating and pumping
alone

It’s tempting to cling to
the façade of connection
to compose a story
that’s greater than one

But I hope and I cry
I wander and question
I inhale
and exhale
alone

These brief interludes
the bridging of synapse
soften the ache of
alone

And for a sweet moment
a fleeting reprieve
I transcend me and my
I am we, for a time

But I love and I laugh
I stumble and rise
I inhale
and exhale
alone

Spiritual,
this lyrical
empirical *******

Don’t tell me
to believe
when your words say
watch me
but your actions scream
look away

It’s okay
you’re as perfectly
flawed as me
I can see it so clearly

But so can you
that’s the thing
about rolling your holies
you’re so wrapped up
in your scripture
you miss your

Essence, in essence
With so much repression
it’s inevitable to leak
or bleed
a little bit, I think

But tell me,
does it hurt
when you squeeze
through the cracks?

This
affable body

This malleable body

This, this infallible body

I’ve beleaguered it for so long

Pulled at its hair and gnashed at its teeth
trying, so desperately, to belong

This
practical body

This laughable body

This, this intractable body

Would you believe that it knew all along?

That it harbored the answers
to all of life’s questions
that it would, in fact, carry on

The beauty of my unrequited love
is that it need not be spoken of
it’s a curious thing to feel so sure
of a longing I know time will endure

And worry not about our fate
or the ways in which you don’t relate
for you alone are enough for me
with or without reciprocity

Yes, you are enough, that is enough
that which causes me to feel
a thing I thought I’d never say
about a love that isn’t real

You’ve shown me that my feelings are not
dependent on return
and that raw emotion doesn’t count
equality as a concern

That the pureness of experience
is sometimes worth the pain
in knowing he, whom you love so much,
does not feel the same

The depth of my insignificance astounds me
humbles me
I am ashamed at wanting more
than life has given me
selfish desires run through my veins
as unavoidable as oxygen
and I can't suffocate
and all I want is to breathe,
deep
and draw you in like the air I crave

I want you for myself
and I know that you transcend my need
I know there is more that you must do than me
and with this fact of fate
this revelation of my subservience to your dream
I can hold my breath
get by with less
I can acclimate so you can be what you must be
and in this regard, perhaps, I am
exactly what you need

I’m tormented by your kindness
your honesty brings me to my knees
the unwavering tone in the sound of you voice
it causes me, inside, to weep

Your goodness radiates around you
like a beacon out in the sea
beckoning me closer with each passing day
promising relief

I’m torn apart by your purity
your lightness contrasts my dark
your brilliance breaks me down and yet,
I’m enamored by your heart

I am drawn to you so naturally
like the death-bound moth to a flame
I’d combust at the mere touch of you,
and reach out to touch once again

I long so deeply to ascend
and be with you in your light
but for now I know I must shield myself
I could be burned by something so bright