I wished
On a shooting star last night.
I wished for happiness,
For peace,
But most importantly
for you.

My mind is
A ferocious sea,
And I'm sailing on it
Inside a small dinghy.

The twenty foot waves
They
Rock the boat
Making it hard to stay afloat.

I surf on tsunamis,
And I dodge tornadoes
And I race the hurricanes
Waiting to be thrown
But I do not.

Finally a rogue wave comes
And knocks me into
the cold sea below
The water is so dense
I could almost drown

Instead I swim
With all my might
I feel like I've been swimming for eternity
Then the clouds break.

As I arrive to the shore,
A friends brings me back to reality.
"Are you okay?"
Not really no,
But the future
Is bright

I often wonder,
How you talk about me.
Is it full of sadness?
Anger?
Does my name taste like
Blood.
Or honey.
Do the memories
Of us
Plague your mind as well?
Do you speak of me
As if I was
The highest mountain top,
Or as if
I was the Marina trench?
Do you look at my social media?
Do you analyze
My every like
My every move
Looking
Pleading for it to be
Something about missing you?

For you,
I speak nothing but kindness.
For you,
Oh you,
Your name is still the sweetest thing
To leave these lips.
You're my every thought.
I wish you would
Miss me.
I want you
To miss me.

The impression
You left on my heart,
Hurts more
by the day.

Our love
Could end wars
And move mountains.
But it couldn't
Knock down the walls
That surround your heart.

When I bought this house,
I dreamed of your laughter
Filling these walls.
I longed for
Your voice,
Smooth as silk,
To soothe me
In the room where we'd sleep.
Since you left me,
Your silence is all
That fills these walls.
And your silence,
Is the loudest noise
A human can fathom.

Your name,
Bounces around in my head
Like a pinball.
My insecurities are the bumpers,
And my overthinking
Becomes the flippers.
I knock you,
Into the walls of sanity
Barely holding on
Yet simultaneously hoping,
Wishing,
For another free ball.
The longer I play
The less the machine lights up.
The powers gone out.
Game over

If I was a plant,
Then she'd be the sun.
I'd thrive in her warmth
And when she was away
I'd mourn the loss of her
I'd grow
To be nearer
To her warm rays
If I was a plant
I'd be a flower
Blooming,
When graced with her presence
Hiding
When she left.
If I was a flower
I'd be a sun flower
Growing closer to her by the day
For only her warm glow
Could cause me to grow.
And if I was a human
I'd yearn
To feel her warmth
I'd live
To see her smile
And I'd love
Every moment.
Shes my sun
And i
Am her flower

The monster watches me,
Carefully,
From the corner of the room
In the midst if the staring contest
Loneliness grabs me by the throat.
What are you waiting for?
Message her
No.
Message her
She doesnt want me to.
Message Her
She doesnt want me.
MESSAGE HER.
NO.
It tightens it's grip,
You have nobody.
I know.
Once she's gone, this is it.
I know.
You're going to lose everyone.
I know.
Were going to be best friends.
i know

My anxiety,
It keeps me up at night
A constant circle of what ifs
And you should'ves
My inner voice
Grows louder the more I struggle against it
Screaming.
Pinning me to the mattress
It tells me
I'm not good enough
Its laughs at me
You dont deserve her
It grabs me by the throat
You deserve it.
It presses harder
They're better off without you
I force it off
I stare into its eyes
You're wrong.

I wipe her hair out of her face,
As she lays next to me
The moonlight dancing on her skin.
Her soft breathing
Is a comfort,
Pushing and pulling the energy in the room
Like the waves by the moon.
So many stars dance around her but
She
She.
Is the main attraction.
With eyes like galaxies
And skin soft as stardust
She commands a room,
With the aura of a lunar eclipse.
I hold her
Drifting into the stars around her
I smile.
For she is the only thing I know,
More beautiful,
Than a full moon.