Alexis Ash

Alexis Ash Feb 2014

Let the music fill the air
Reach down into the depths of me
Fill
My lungs
Suffocate me
So that I won't have to breathe
Because breathing reminds me
That I'm not free--
That I'm broken
That I constantly gasp for air
Barley floating
Barley there

Maybe music
will replace
The emptiness
The void
Maybe it will fill the gaps
Left in my soul

Alexis Ash Feb 2014

I Had A Dream That You Killed Yourself

Last night I had a dream
       That you killed yourself
    And when I awoke
just the thought of it
       Made the tears overflow
My heart literally felt like it was ripped to shreds
    And I laid there in my bed
     And wept
And the worst part was
    The fact that it's actually one of my greatest fears
       The fact that it could happen
The fact that I can imagine
   that phone call
Or the grim look on my parents faces as I get into the car
Or the silent summon from the door of the classroom
But you made me a promise
      And I'm holding you to that

Alexis Ash Feb 2014

Take A Look Around

God ******
You know nothing
You're so lost in your own head
Your own thoughts
Too caught up and preoccupied with your PHILOSOPHY
Your ideas
And words
And weaving
And thinking outside the box
That you don't stop
To see what's going on
To take a look at the real world
To see that there's more to life
Than your ******* questions
To actually care
To put your heart out there
To appreciate what people have to offer
Like love and passion
All you care about is yourself
you don't stop to think
That other people don't see things the way you do
That not everything needs to be questioned
That some people have other dreams and passions
And while they may seem remedial to you
They matter
So stop shutting other dreams down
**** you

Alexis Ash Feb 2014

Untitled

Red lines
On my skin
Representing
All that's within

Alexis Ash Feb 2014

Saddness Will Find You

Don't go looking for sadness
Because sadness will always find you

when I'm actually happy
And I mean truly Happy,
not a temporary state of the word-
But Free and Content
It's like being able to breathe again

it's odd, and I feel a sort of expectancy
That the darkness will return
And it will
But I can't let that weigh on me
Or let it deter me from enjoying life
Might as well ride the wave while it lasts
And make the most of whatever comes next

Alexis Ash Feb 2014

To Find Someone

To find someone
Who loves me
As much as you did then
Seems
At the moment
impossible

It seemed as if
We were a match
Made in heaven
Ironically

I just wanted to prove that I would be optimistic
FOR YOU
that I would work at it
FOR YOU

But I have proved nothing
Except that I am no different from the last girl
I didn't want for there to be a next girl
I wanted to be the best girl
And the baddest
That I could be
For you

Flares of jealousy-
Rage
But then I'm reminded
That you're no longer mine
To claim

— The End —