Have you ever seen a person drown?



You fight, muscles straining as you reach--flailing helplessly toward what you need most. You can't stand it anymore as your body screams for oxygen. You gasp-- hoping, praying this is a dream, but a searing burn rushes down your throat and through your lungs as water floods in. It shouldn't be there, you know it-- every cell screams but it's too late, the water is inside and keeps flooding in. You reach for the light one last time, it filtering and bending into bright rays around your fingers. Your vision grows dull, your muscles no longer respond to what your brain is telling them to do. The light growing dimmer and dimmer as the last bubbles float to the surface. One last ray of gold slips through your fingers... Then nothing...



It's to be expected for any animal to struggle as much as possible while drowning in the water. Some will put others of their kind underneath them, just for precious moments of rest and survival.
So what do you do when you find a person overboard, drowning in the sea of black?
Naturally, I throw the life preserver in hopes that they will grab onto it and I can save them.

Remember what I said when some creatures will force their own kin under in order to live?
Well, what do you do with a creature like that?
Eventually, it's you or them. At this point, it's natural to choose you!

I was trapped in a cycle of abuse at one point in time.
I didn't see it for years as I grew, but then something snapped.

Call it destiny,
Call it the right time and the right place,
Call it having my mind open to change,
Call it whatever you want.

Either way, I saw what I was doing, not only to the ones I love, but also to myself

I noticed now I'm so used to the abuse, I take a minute to compute when I'm met with my lover simply just talking to me.

The comfort in their soft embrace feels like no other. The deep affection and freedom has become like a soft blanket

I was told marriage is a chore,
It's something that you're forced to do and the spark will die
But who made it that way?

I can't help but feel like our love, our spark will never die, I suppose time will tell, but I can tell there's something completely different now and I never wish to return to the old in physical space.

If you feel lost, confused, or afraid, maybe I can help, maybe I can't. Hopefully I can at least help by continuing writing. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but my life feels okay right now and I treasure this moment.

For I don't know how long it will last,
Nor do I know if it is truly real
All we have is now
I just wish I saw it sooner

"I had a dream someone took you away from me"
"I had a dream that a family member died"

It's intriguing where our dreams take us, sometimes it's adventure, sometimes it's our worst fears.
A glimpse into the deepest part of you, the part no one can ever see.

What's truly behind it, I wonder...

Science says they are a series of thoughts, images, sensations. Research suggests that they are essential to the mind's ability to process, problem solve, and consolidate memory.

Some people believe it is simply a playground for your consciousness, the subconscious creating the slides. Keeping our conscious occupied while our bodies rest.

Others believe it's a connection to the great beyond. The infinite stream of knowledge, data, particles... Our ties never severed from our origin.

Either way, dreams are still a mystery to this very day, no one has yet to pinpoint what they truly are. Maybe one day we will know the answers. Maybe we were never meant to truly know...

Before I sleep, images flash across my mind before she wraps her arms around around me.

Recently, all I've seen is you, still around.
Your plush fur, your soft purrs and the headbutts you used to give me.

When I wake, I'm slapped with cold reality as I see your final resting place.

When I found you, your once warm fur was cold, but you didn't look like you were scared.
You went to sleep, that was the last thing you did.

Now I'm here picking up the pieces of my heart.
Wondering if I was the cause of the stopping of yours.

Soon, you will lay down under the very sand you used to tread, sleeping as you were.

Sleep well my prince, and tell Boss I'll see you both soon

No matter what, I will always love you
And once I pass the gate, I hope to see you waiting for me

You've never been here, you don't know if you're going to pass or fail, might as well put your best foot forward and fight like hell!

I know the truth. I understand it all now. You've been like this from the very start.
I will never understand how you could be surrounded by love and care and still pick apart the flaws and make that your reality instead—but I guess that happens when you're a full-blown narcissist.

Your whole life, you've had chance after chance to change, to look inward, to finally heal from or live with your faulty wiring. But every single time, you chose not to.
I never had much of a childhood because of that. And before you bring up the “luxuries” I had, just stop. I never needed those things. I needed love. I needed safety. I needed a mom.

Your selfishness didn’t just hurt me. It tore into everyone around you. Look at it—really look.
You ruined every chance we had at a real relationship. You even stole the closure we should have had. And for what? To feed your ego a little longer?

Now it’s my turn.
I’m going to be a mother myself soon—and you will never know your grandchild.
Best part is, you’ll live with that. With whatever’s left of that methed-up brain of yours, you’ll watch me become everything you never were.
You failed—at being a daughter, a friend, a wife, a mother. You failed even harder at making me your clone.

I am nothing like you, and I will NEVER be anything like you.
Now, rot in the misery you’ve chosen over and over again—and know it is your only friend.

I dreamt today I was back to where I was.
I let someone control me once again when ties are severed.
I saw my attempts at success and how they all have failed so far.

Worst of all,
I saw myself hurting my children and just being okay with it.


I know it's just a dream,
But the idea of being there again...
Made me force myself awake


Either way, I'm glad it was just a dream
And maybe, just maybe, this path is the right one