and if words could dream
they would spend each night
yearning for a way
to justify how deeply
I love you

the anger switched places with pain
and the screaming switched places with shame
cause i am to blame

nothing
thats what i deserve from you
thats what i get for breaking your heart in two

lies
empty promises
thats all i gave to you

you left me no choice
thats what i shouted at the stars
knowing i would make scars

i wanted to delete
every single trace of us
so that i had nothing to look back to
our past serve like bells
with the power to
awaken a passion so deep
no other love could ever meet
So when your name consumed my mind
there would be no rewind
cause when the past turns to ashes
i have no choice but to light the matches

She was in everything i did
it was almost like
she was secretly
vibrating within my skin
not a day went by
when she didn’t consume my mind
i envied
the two birds flying
towards the blue night sky
and maybe it was
the summer breeze
or the empty streets
but for a moment or two
i let myself live vicariously
through the memories of you
Silently losing myself
in the shadow of your
Absence

there was a coldness
that lingered
hidden behind your words
like a bittersweet aftershave
telling me the truth
you never dared

Maybe I shouldn’t  
Consciously dream about you
when i close my eyes
Or listen to songs that match the vibe
its a miserably hopeful way
of keeping you alive

You want to hangout
But you dont crave my presence

You want to call
But only when the silence is unbearable

You want to talk
But you disappear when your done talking about yourself

You want me
But only when everybody else is busy

You say you care
But you never ******* ask

You say I’m your favourite person in the world
But yet it seems you would pick everyone else

You say you miss me
and i hate that I believe you for a second
the way butterflies consume me
and the pain no longer matters
Only to be punched in the gut
by the truth of your actions

I should envy
your invisible ability
to move on

So for a moment i did
i flew down memory lane
regretting each second
spent on your name
and anger flourished
through my veins
tears they fell down
with shame

but then i remembered
theres something incredibly
poetic about pain
that
healing craves
the absence of blame

I wrote you a letter
that will never reach you
i bought gifts
that will never be sent
slowly collecting dust
underneath my bed

now every couple i see
walking on the street
is a painful reminder
of what we could be

and when the aching in my heart
slowly but surely began to fade
i clinged to the memories of us
holding them tightly
like hugging an old friend

they lived in the city of rain
and ****** the Gods
for each drop that fell
and when people asked
the answer was always
never well
cause they ****** the Gods
for each drop that fell

i have been lucky
to have experienced love
although sometimes all i feel is regret
I’ve felt love, touched it, cherished it
but i have yet truly experienced
how it is to be loved

our love was beautifully suffocating
I justified you not caring
by me not being worthy of it
i made myself so small
that i spent the nights wondering
If you knew me at all

I don’t feel like waking up
showing up
yet i never regret the times i do
the days i choose easy
when the sleep consumes me
all i do is regret
all i am is regret
regret, regret, regret

i left the door unlocked
hoping you would walk
straight into my heart

and the grass doesn’t stop growing
even though it continuously
is being cut down

not many things
can be spoken
with absolute certainty
but with every atom
in my bones
i do know this
every since the day that i met her
not a day has passed by
that she was not on my mind


it was almost like
a piece of my heart
forgot that she was gone
and in every sunrise
it looked for her

i visited all the places
I said i would take you
i bathed in the summer breeze
and it would have been perfect
had you been here with me

The words taste so
familiar in my mouth
but its been so long
that its full with doubt