Today i learn that "i don't care" has a deep meaning
1. Disappointment from expectations
2. Forgiving people too many times
3. Too many things to think about
4. Just literally don't care like how the heck can people just be careless, must've been through lots of things

Buat rakyat

Nembak cewek bosen
Nembak sim
Pada nembak kan?
Kalo kepentingan pribadi mah ga protes
Mana tuh gaungan suaranya
Katanya satu suara aja penting
Ga ada yg bersuara
Makanya lestari budaya

Gitukan kenapa budaya lestari
Ga berani
Sama bukan kewajiban diri
Nuntut mah kalo hak dewek aja
Diewe gamau

Oh sama udah nyaman punya pelayan
Feodal
Keras ke bawah
giliran yang atas keras ke lu
Pada protes
Padahal lu tangan besi juga sama yg lemah di pelupuk matalu

Yang bawah nuntut ke lu
Ga terima
Apa bedanya lu sama tirai tirani di sana
yang nanar buncah yang ga onar dan bocah

Kasian

Tega lu bodo2in orang tapi gamau dibodo2in
Tai
Bray pemerintah dari rakyat
Lu rasa pemerintahlu bobrok
Berarti kita rakyatnya bobrok

Never thought that i can feel like this
Never thought that i can care so much for this person that one degree of separation can turn my brain inside out and just let my stomach do the talk

We can do anything on our own really
And she's quite independent and capable even around the people with great caliber
I am worried still
I know she can fend for herself
But still, i wanna throw my body in the line of fire for her
Although in the end, she's the one that gon' save me anyway

Weird

I dreamt big
Scientist
Finding new equations to save the world

Now the only thing integratred is my infinitesimal changes that keep being rotated in one axis
Filled, but stays on symmetry
Or just something that is infinite yet needs to be counted with limits

Just like my dreams, now is limited
Dies out; as by step value, it's approaching zero
When it's expanded, finally the variables will cancel each others out
Tho some orders are kept
To zero degree it's valued zero
Because i sin -pun very intended
Now i hate math
'Cause my life is far from order and predictable
The only thing that's predictable is that i will end up in chaos

Maybe chaos has always been my pattern

Wake up
And just try to make up
Why'd you keep making
The same old
Same old
Mistakes

I take
For what is eternal
And i just go numb
The same old
Same old
Mistakes

I keep thinking how'd i get away with it
Almost everytime
I feel the karma starts to coming in
Almost everytime
I've been dreaming i can turn back time
Please, anytime?
And i've been chasing all the same mistakes
Same old
Mistakes

Those who dance to forget the truth
Lies beneath them the falsehoods seen from each others' withering gazes

Time to treat people like **** cause they will leave anyway

Can i just be normal
No heels
No drugs
Study
Work

Can i just be normal
An obidient slave
An obidient child

Can i just be normal
School
Graduate
Stable
Getting married

Can i just be normal
Having children
Taking care of my love ones

Can i just be normal
No fighting tendency
Civilized
Knowing what to say

bidness  
bussiness  

everytime  
everywhere  

’til the shadows of the depth  
i won’t find my love ones at debt
  
hard  
work  

might be too harsh on myself  
but whom important can’t be left  

gumption of the guts, bet will take us  
                                        somewhere nice  

walau murup mulai mirip redup  
sampai remang dan gamang kan ku terjang  

or maybe, i just simply love my job  
“maybe”

Do you think it's easy for me to get over you?
Tying loose ends on my own
Do you know how hard i try to catch all the butterflies that flew over my guts?
And how i try to recreate the every minutes i felt with you to no avail?

Tau birthstone bulan april apa?
Ya, berlian

Dan aku Intan
Kristal karbon murni
Terjaga dan menjaga
Tekanan besar 'kan jadikanku berlian

Dan aku Intan; berlian
Biasku tinggi pada cahaya
Sudut pandang baru yang indah
Pandang sudut baru yang indah

Dan aku Intan; berlian
Ragam cahaya berbelok
Satu lebih tajam dari yang lain
Dispersku hilangkan depresimu
Yang monoton terpecah
Jadi spektrum yang indah

Dan aku Intan; berlian
Presisi pantulkan cahaya berkali-kali
Ku 'kan berpikir berkali-kali
Sampai yakin
Pancarku kilau putih terang warna-warni

Mungkin banyak konflik dalam diri
Tapi aku Intan; berlian
semakin banyak pantulan internal
Akan semakin berkilau

Dan aku Nur; cahaya
Dan aku Amelia; pekerja keras

Dan aku Nur Intan Amelia
Apa belum jelas?

I'm tired of seeing myself as the problem
Trying to fix myself for people's appeal
It doesn't change anything
I'm going to be myself now

OPPRESSED
INCAPACITAED
OPPRESSED
INCAPABLE
OPPRESED
REPRESSED
OPPRESSED
OPPRESED
TYRANT
OPPRESED
THE WOMB OF MY MOTHER
TURNS INTO THE SHADOW OF THE DEPTH
SHE KNOWS FROM THE BEGINNING IT IS JUST A FALL AND DECLINE FOR THE FAMILY
the thing that she doesn't know is that wether the fall will take forever or the lights go out as instant as she takes the dip
poor her
OPPRESED
INCAPACITAED
THE BONE OF MY FATHER EXPLODES
FROM WEIGHT CARRIED PASSED BY THE
OPPRESED
TYRANT
OUR FLESH TORN BY THE WHIP OF THRONE EARNED BY THE
OPPRESED
ARROGANCE
TYRANT
THE EYE OF MY SISTER TURNS BLUE AS MY MOTHER CRIES FOR SOMETHING VAIN, BRUISED BY THE
GREEDS
GLORY
GLORY
OPPRESED
OPressed
oppresed
I
Will fight
For all of you, knowing
THAT MY LIMBS WILL FALL ONE BY ONE
MY MIND WILL GO INSANE OH SO FINE
FINE
I'LL FIGHT
take a rest my dear family
I WILL MAKE MY SHOULDER AS SOFT AS PILLOW AND SMOOTH AS SILK
soothing for this house
i will unleash it outside
just smile please we're gonna be alright
i'm here
let me cry in silence so don't ask me anything if i turn a blind eye about myself
So
You
Oppresor
Win or lose
Least now you gon' get a hard time first
A heart attack first
You'll skip a beat as much as we skip our lives
I promise

May i pardon myself for blatantly speaking
Or just keep hiding my true feelings
It beats for you yet it beats me up
And when you're consisted by dualism of actions
The way you see me
It's up to you
Tho' it matters deep down

Ranung
Bukan aku
Kan ku ramu kabungmu
Tuk nanti ruamku juga jadi ruangmu-itu harapanku
Suaku kadang ingin tuk jadi jua
Tapi bukan tuk membakar
Hanya untuk menyinari yang kelakar
Si karib dan kerabat

And i say to myself
"What a being we are

By being broken hearted
Means we can take my mind off a bit
From liabilities
And the minor trouble in your expertise
You lil' love *******"

What's the point of igniting a match when there's nothing to burn
Just a waste of resources
And what's the point of lighting a flame when you're not ready to get burnt
You're just going to blame the flame?
The heat? That you yourself started?

What's the point of knowing that flame needs fuel if you fear the light is going to be out
If you fear that it will be extinguished, prepare for the darkness and or the fuel

And if you fear the burn, prepare to smother it
Smother it like you smother your love not out of commitments
Don't take risk if the substance's flamable, just get out from the beginning
Or just don't blame all the small sparks when your match is out because you play with them to begin with
Means you don't match

What's the point of friction when there's no tension? This ain't physics where some variables can be ignored
You're scorched, not scoring
It's feelings. Inelastic traction can snap and transfer heat. And you can't snap back on your own causes.

Read this!

You've managed to pull through because of the wound
The grudge to prove yourself better
To outplay those who hurt you

And some still piece themselves back together from the fall you gave
From the slip of your hand
Deliberately or not

So why are we blaming the past and each other?

You expect them to pull you back up as much as you expect them to pull themselves back together

It's just the feelings wanting to break
And to be broken
Just a melancholy to be bragged
For attention

Night
Mare
When you're alone at night
Your mind wonders about the mare
Either the dark surface of the moon,
Or a celestial body believed to be the ocean
That's why by your thoughts, you are drowned

Or just a birth process of a new stallion
How to deal with it in the next day
Next month
Next year
When he or she grows up rebellious
And you can't control it

And your body wanders to the comfort place that your mind minds about
You wanna be somewhere
But you can't

So let's choose

Day
Dream
'Cause real good things happen at broad day
Mind, wandering to a broadway
While your body wonders why it's on its way
But you are almost always make it through the day
You can let your feelings at bay
Yet you work it out anyway
Because you see real people stay
Least, that's what your mind say
To deal with the world, It's not you per se

What a being we are

By being broken hearted
Means we can take my mind off a bit
From liabilities
And the minor trouble in your expertise

It's not about the memories you should've had
It's not about the choices you did or didn't take
It's not about the things that you should had done before your impulsivity took over

It's not about your motivation
It's not about the past and the future

It's about the present
Now's going to be the past
The future is going to be now
And when you learned from the past
The future of the past was always 50/50
Even with 20/20 vision
You always bet for your dreams and visions

It's not about the outcome
It's not about the input
So about that, just welcome yourself in
And put out the bad things

The thing that keeps you going

Is about something within you

Accept it
'Cause i've tasted it
Or can't get my hands on it

Let go of it
'Cause i've tasted it
Or can't get my hands on it

It's either i get tired of feeling it
Or i'm just tired of chasing it

May my self centrism be a compendium
We sway over the foliage and hedge so called a medium
A cage with rust that brings stain and palyndrome

'Cause either way we read them the same--sways like pendulum
From back to front

Now the petal weeps
As it falls hoping to stay aloft for quite the minutes we keep
i'll stay 'cause it's a must
When love lasts not forever by trust
A facade will embrace your crush--upon me

Love for me is mostly joy and sacrifice
With you entangled in smile for those every prices
You're the prize when i raise myself out of being patronized


Although performance hover above the stage
What is staged still grip a firm influence over the onlooker
With love so cheap they might call me a ******
But sacrifice ain't cheap rather than puppy love if you think it over

Over
And over again

This

Your emotion's raging
After all, you see quilt
Patterns, racking the parable's suite
Tears dripped
Lush; hammered on the table

This

Your emotion's raging
You can't control it
You want to take every fights to the limit
Banter wits
Debating the undebatable

This

Your emotion's raging
And overall it's ****
You done breaking characters that fits
Temper bit
Lashing on the vulnerable

This

Your emotion's raging
The ball is deep-seated
Lantern, wrecking the comfortable dim
Punch drunk, punch slipped
Tounge slipped
Let's launder the incomparable

Because everyone i know matters alot for me
I will start to cut them off one by one
I can't stand the constant worry
I can't stand the feeling of knowing that it's almost impossible to protect them all at once

Of course I'm falling off course
There's no way that I'm falling in love

And I'll be hitting the ground soon enough
My guts will shut my mind down before impact anyway

Be ready to say "goodbye"
When you have the guts to say "hello"

We get along the (path)way
We partway along the way

Both sentences for the same reason

Just because we need to get somewhere

Same departure, different destinations
Just enjoy the trip when you're on board

We'll find someone when we get off

And let the journey repeat

This is my posteriori
Somewhat my mind face me facetiously
I dont mind else's priori
Just viscinity
It's all supposed to happen anyway
Just because it's supposed to
This
Is my
LEAST ACTION
In my peripheral
Somethings ephemeral
or eternal
Doesn't have deep meaning
The viscerality doesnt matter
Aprroximity doesnt matter
They are just things presented on table
Over the table, clumsily i stumble
Then i mumble
And i rumble my own trouble
A cuddle can be a treble;vibration
But vibration won't last either
And i don't mind
We vibrate at the moment
And i appreciate it
Yet im ready to let go
Nothing is set in stone

My baby’s so grown up

Sight faces forward

Legs swing with stride

He commands the room

He’s in control
When he speaks
Everyone looks at him
None of it’s intentional—
It’s just him being him
He sees what others miss
Notices the shift in breath,
The way light dances on skin
He listens, he remembers,
Takes care in the smallest things
There’s depth in him
So observant, so detailed
He’s got this spark
A presence, a pull
He knows what to do—
And when not to
Taller than me,
And I look up
with my eyes
My heart
My soul
My mind

up above the curve, the foliage stays evergreen
it is gapped evenly and bristles
i traced them with my fingers
see if it sways with the pressure
The sweet and musky clove
points to the entrance
i run to it with no hesitation

Every move is deliberate
Every sip is accounted for
Imagery of you
Needs to stay as "true"

Hiding your bad thoughts
Concealing weaknesess
'Tho you have what it takes
To conquer awareness--or just ignore them
Once and for all

But the thing is
We want to be observed
'Cause we always observe
That's why we object their projection
It takes one to see one, to know one

Yet, everyone is on stale
The mindset gazes on the same stallion
It sets the mark of graces--millions and billions
Imaginary rather than your true imagery

.................................................................­...............................................

Smells like cheese
But i like it when there's something cheesy between us ;p

If you're not the fighting type
Don't put our hearts in the line

I love the QWERTY key adjacency.
When mistakes happen by proximity.

I mean to take you for a RIDE not put you the SIDE. By the way it's new YEARS not new TEARS so let's find the ROOT of our problems and not FOOT the pedal too much. I don't mean to get COLD i just wanna be BOLD for my statement. And i am not FOLDINg on you, in fact i always FIND us FONDLy attached.

But unlike the typos, with you i mean what i mean when i say i LOVE you and there's no typo for LOVE except for us to LIVE happily together. :))

I've got an online bestfriend
None of our circle and family intersects
So i know for sure when he dies i won't even know that that day is his funeral

Or could be the other way 'round

It's called "falling in love" 'cause it really feels like falling

I rarely talked about love
Because the word "love" in a sentence is really sentencing by itself.

No sparks, only riddle
A ceased ark, arcs kindled
In stark, on rubble
Ignited and ceased all over

Matchstick love, matched love
Likened to fire, the story told
Fondness strikes, flicked desire
Ignited and ceased all over

Torched knife, feelings scorched
Once melted, now hardened
Now breaks, once settled
Ignited and ceased

All over