Writing things down means someone can read them.
Someone can read my mind.
But with that comes a fine.
A fine you won’t wish to pay
Because that fine
Is knowing my mind
And the thoughts that disperse in it.
That fine is listening to my thoughts
And thinking you ought
To say something
Because otherwise
You don’t know where I’ll end up.

I hate caring about people.
Because then you have to worry about their feelings
And then you have to worry about your feelings.
And then you have to worry about how their feelings effect your feelings.
And then you have to worry about how other people’s feelings effect their feelings and how that effects your feelings.
And then you get to feel that.
You know you love someone when you can feel them.
I love this feeling
But I hate this feeling.
It causes happiness
But it causes stress.
It causes a mess.
A mess of emotions.
One I’m not equipped to handle.
It’s not of those things where I can just
breathe
and light a candle.
I’ve had a lot of messes in my life
Mostly because I’m a mess
But I’ve dealt with all of them.
But this one I just don’t know.
People say “oh you’re fine.
You’re gonna live.”
I know in the end I’ll live.
But that’s the scary part.

Words have power in them.
God spoke us into existence.
Therefore we have the gift of speech.
Not in the way you’re thinking.
You can’t say “I need $20”
And suddenly it’ll appear in front of you.
It doesn’t work that way,
But I’m sure many of you have already guessed.
Telling someone they’re beautiful
Makes them beautiful.
Telling someone they’re intelligent
Makes them intelligent.
Telling someone they’re worthless
Makes them worthless.
Words have power in them
Chose your words carefully.
They may make a difference in a life.
You may never know the difference you’ve made
But why not try.
Being kind doesn’t hurt anyone.
It’s so simple yet so uncommon.

Tell the next person you see
That they’re beautiful.

It’ll make they’re day.
Because even if they don’t believe it themselves,
They know that someone else does.

The more you take the more you leave behind.

The more you love the more you lose your mind.

The more you hate the more that you’re denied.

The more you fear the more you walk the line.

The more you hurt the more your mind declines.

An eye for an eye
They both go blind.
Bullet right through the chest
Promise it won’t make a mess.
Stab in the back this time
All along I knew your lies.
Time takes hostage too
No escape without clues.
I know
Nobody knew.

Tonight my thoughts are plagued of you.
I close my eyes and your image
dances behind my eyelids.
Everything reminds me of you
Even when I never meant it to.

Now I understand those girls
in the tv shows.
The ones that are crying
because the spoon she’s holding
reminds her of when
he brought her ice cream that one time.

She just sits there crying
Staring at her spoon
Wishing it would just go away.

That’s how I feel right now.

I feel like throwing my spoon
across the room
so that I never have to see it again.

How dare that ******* spoon
remind me of him.

Tonight,
My thoughts are plagued of you.

I look in the mirror and see you standing by my side
only to realize you never will again.
I curl up in bed and feel you against me
only to realize I never will again.
I feel your touch on my skin
only to realize I never will again.

It makes me wish that I knew
That the last time was our last.

I would have savored every moment.
But no,
I left thinking I would see you tomorrow.
And if not tomorrow,
Then the day after that.
But if not then,
The day after that.
I just thought I’d be with you again.
I didn’t care
if it was a million days from then
I just thought it would be again.

But it’s not.
Never again.
Never again is what echoes in my brain.
Bouncing around the edges of my head only to hit the inside of my skull and continue giving me that migraine that never seems to go away.
Never again is what I hear at night.
When I long for you by my side.
Never again.

Tonight,
My thoughts are plagued of you.
Everything reminds me of you
Even if I never meant it to.
WHY are my thoughts plagued of you?!
I want you out
I want you out so ******* bad but
It doesn’t work that way.
You slowly have to seep out of my heart
Out of my mind
Out of my blood
Out of my skin
Out of ME.

It feels like quitting another drug.
One that was a part of me for so long
I grew to need it.
The want was replaced by a need.
That drug was love.
That drug is love.
A drug I never wanna get hooked on again.

But guess what?

That’s not the reality.
We’re all hooked on it.
At one point or another.
And every time you have to quit,
The blade runs deeper and deeper.
Until eventually
Your heart’s carved out
into your hands
And you never get
to feel again.

My thoughts
           Are *******
                           Plagued
                                     Of you.

The truth is
You were dealt these cards by chance.
No one is out to get you
Or ruin your life
It just is that way
And that’s the saddest part
And you can’t blame anyone
But yourself

If a guy compares you to his ex, he’s not over her. Plain and simple. He’s trying to give himself reasons of why he SHOULD be over her.

I thought the poison
Would make the pain go away
But instead it’s more powerful
And I feel it the next day.
So either way,
Everything’s gone awry.

Sometimes my heart and my brain,
Don't like to speak.
My heart will run before
My brain can even think.
My brain will be confused.
And my heart will be crying.
My heart will be broken,
And my brain will be lying.

Sometimes my heart is full
And my brain is empty.
The thoughts will just leave.
Without warning.
And my heart will fill.
With the thoughts and memories.
That aren't supposed to be there.
That isn't there place.
I want them to go back.
I want my brain to take them back.
Apparently they don’t do that.

I guess they don't want to.
Maybe my brain is cruel
And my heart is kind.
So they want to escape.

They want to escape my ugly mind.

Sometimes my heart is too open.
And I just need to close it.
But it's hard to do that.
Because it's not just a door,
you can slam shut.
Walls have to be built,
And watch towers have to be on stilts.

And what if someone
tears the walls down?
What would I do then?
My heart would be used to seclusion.
It would have to adjust.
My conclusion,
It's a repetitive cycle.
One I can't break.

My solution,
Let the walls stay broken.
Just for a little while.
If your heart gets hurt.
Let it hurt.
There's no use in hiding,
From something that
is going to happen anyway.
Either way.
Life's not a fun game to play.

I love you more than anything I name
I know love has tendency to stain
I’m telling you I can’t get through this pain
I don’t know how to not feel this way
So I ask you please ****** stay

I realize healing isn’t that far away
But I know I won’t make it anyway
I’m telling you I’m not playing any games
I just want you to please ******* stay.
I didn’t realize that I could feel this way.
Trust me this wasn’t the plan today.
I didn’t know that I could be this way.
Guess my feelings just change.

Seems like everything’s in black and white.
Then I find the gray area and nothing is right.
And I know you didn’t sign up for this.
But I’m telling you, here it is.

Call me whatever the ******* want
My name is forever in this dark font
Trapped in the cursive letters u gave
Write it down
Put it on my grave
This isn’t my real name
And you know it just the same

I have seen the world a million times, yet I am not alive.
I am always moving, yet I can not breath.
I am older than all, yet I do not age.
What am I?

I’m the wind that fills your lungs,
the air you breathe so wishfully
hoping that this time
won’t be like that last.

Trying not to text you everyday
is hard,
Trying not to wish for you everyday
is hard,
Trying to erase the imprint
you permanently
seared into my heart
is hard.

It’s really hard to move on.
I feel foolish now.
I feel like I should have known
being that happy isn’t possible for me.
I should have known.
I feel like I should have known.

I feel like I’m half empty
Instead of half full.
Half of me isn’t there
And half of me wasn’t ever there.

I’m still searching for my other half.
I’m one of the puzzle pieces
Waiting for the right person to fit.
And I know I have time
But there’s too much time.
Too many pieces that could fit
That would fit
That should fit
But they don’t.

And personally,
I don’t like puzzles.
I think they’re boring
And I never seem to end up finishing them
I tend to leave them half finished,
Half empty
Half full,
Half and
Not whole.

Let me hear the sound of your voice so
I can fly like the butterflies I get in
My stomach when you say my name

Let me feel your touch
So I can be closer to you
I’ll never leave your side
And That’s not a lie

Let me look into your eyes
So I can sail the ocean tides
Like I will with you
When we say the words “I do”.

I am in high school.
In every one of my English classes
I have been asked
If I believe love is real when we are young.
I have always said no.
I have always believed that love could not be real when you’re my age.
I have always said that you change too much and that love can’t be real if the people in love don’t know what it is.
I believed that people who said they were in love were in lust.
That is,
Until I met you.
And I’ve thought about it,
Whether I’m actually in love or not.
But I know I’m in love because
When you hurt I can feel it in my heart.
When you lie I can see it in your eyes.
When you smile, my soul brightens and my day automatically is made better.
When I think of you, I smile without even realizing it.
When someone asks me about you, I smile and say he’s good.  
When you tell me you love me, I can see it in your eyes, and I know you wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.
Because that’s just who you are.
I know I love you because when I think you’re mad at me I cry.
Because the idea of you not wishing to speak to me hurts so much.
I know I love you because when you’re in pain, I cry.
Because I can feel it, in my own soul.
I know you don’t tell me everything.
Because you’re scared it will scare me away.
But I love all of you.
I love your broken pieces
And your whole pieces.
I love you when you’re angry.
I love you when your sad.
I love you when you’re happy.
I love you when you’re mad.
And I love you when tears drip down your cheeks,
Because I know that you’re just like me.
You never forget you’re first love
And I know I will never
Forget you.

I hope that’s not too much pressure.....

The anger he just made me feel
Was dipped in stone and coated in steal
Burning sensation in my heart
Pulling my feelings dead apart
I wish to never feel this way
No matter how much I ever change
Every time I feel this way
I wish to never feel again

I always surprise myself with the physical pain
Of this mental feeling brought by this insane part of me.

Surely I’m not the only one?

I feel like the world is kinda against us.
From the beginning
everything happened
To make sure we weren’t together.
Now
while we finally are
Everything happens to make sure we aren’t together.
You said it’s not the world against us,
But it’s us against the world.
But why can’t the world just agree.
Why can’t the world be as happy as we
When we’re together.
I don’t believe in coincidence.
Which is unfortunate,
my life would be so much easier if everything
Was
Just a coincidence.
But
Then again
Maybe the world wants to make sure
That in the future
When we face these challenges
We’ll be okay.
Maybe the world is just making sure
That in the end
We really will last.
Maybe.
It’s all just maybe.
Whether or not it’s the world against us
Or us against the world.
Something is against another.

P.s. The world won and so did you, but somehow, I lost Everything.

My favorite place in the world
Is my writing.
It’s a place of endless possibilities
And emotional novelties.
I say what goes
And I say what shows.
I’ve never understood
Why some people have trouble writing poetry.
For me
The words just flow.
I don’t even have to think
I don’t even have to know.
At least that’s just what I find.
I guess it’s just my creative mind.

I’ve never shared my words before.
Just the usual fear of being judged.
But here, I am my real self.
The part of me no one sees.
I’d love to show this self to others.
But she doesn’t come out that often, even when I say please.
I know she will eventually.
But for now this is where her home will be.
I thank you all for allowing me to have this home.
And I’d like you all to know
I’m happy I can let this side of me show.

There's glass on the ground,
I can't remember why.
I look all around and up at the sky.
The clouds have covered the sun.