I hate caring about people.
Because then you have to worry about their feelings
And then you have to worry about your feelings.
And then you have to worry about how their feelings effect your feelings.
And then you have to worry about how other people’s feelings effect their feelings and how that effects your feelings.
And then you get to feel that.
You know you love someone when you can feel them.
I love this feeling
But I hate this feeling.
It causes happiness
But it causes stress.
It causes a mess.
A mess of emotions.
One I’m not equipped to handle.
It’s not of those things where I can just
breathe
and light a candle.
I’ve had a lot of messes in my life
Mostly because I’m a mess
But I’ve dealt with all of them.
But this one I just don’t know.
People say “oh you’re fine.
You’re gonna live.”
I know in the end I’ll live.
But that’s the scary part.

I feel like the world is kinda against us.
From the beginning
everything happened
To make sure we weren’t together.
Now
while we finally are
Everything happens to make sure we aren’t together.
You said it’s not the world against us,
But it’s us against the world.
But why can’t the world just agree.
Why can’t the world be as happy as we are
When we’re together.
I don’t believe in coincidence.
Which is unfortunate
Because
my life would be so much easier if everything
Was
Just a coincidence.
But
Then again
Maybe the world wants to make sure
That in the future
When we face these challenges
We’ll be okay.
Maybe the world is just making sure
That in the end
We really will last.
Maybe.
It’s all just maybe.
Whether or not it’s the world against us
Or us against the world.
Something is against another.

My favorite place in the world
Is my writing.
It’s a place of endless possibilities
And emotional novelties.
I say what goes
And I say what shows.
I’ve never understood
Why some people have trouble writing poetry.
For me
The words just flow.
I don’t even have to think
I don’t even have to know.
At least that’s just what I find.
I guess it’s just my creative mind.

I’ve never shared my words before.
Just the usual fear of being judged.
But here, I am my real self.
The part of me no one sees.
I’d love to show this self to others.
But she doesn’t come out that often, even when I say please.
I know she will eventually.
But for now this is where her home will be.
I thank you all for allowing me to have this home.
And I’d like you all to know
I’m happy I can let this side of me show.

I am in high school.
In every one of my English classes
I have been asked
If I believe love is real when we are young.
I have always said no.
I have always believed that love could not be real when you’re my age.
I have always said that you change too much and that love can’t be real if the people in love don’t know what it is.
I believed that people who said they were in love were in lust.
That is,
Until I met you.
And I’ve thought about it,
Whether I’m actually in love or not.
But I know I’m in love because
When you hurt I can feel it in my heart.
When you lie I can see it in your eyes.
When you smile, my soul brightens and my day automatically is made better.
When I think of you, I smile without even realizing it.
When someone asks me about you, I smile and say he’s good.  
When you tell me you love me, I can see it in your eyes, and I know you wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.
Because that’s just who you are.
I know I love you because when I think you’re mad at me I cry.
Because the idea of you not wishing to speak to me hurts so much.
I know I love you because when you’re in pain, I cry.
Because I can feel it, in my own soul.
I know you don’t tell me everything.
Because you’re scared it will scare me away.
But I love all of you.
I love your broken pieces
And your whole pieces.
I love you when you’re angry.
I love you when your sad.
I love you when you’re happy.
I love you when you’re mad.
And I love you when tears drip down your cheeks,
Because I know that you’re just like me.
You never forget you’re first love
And I know I will never
Forget you.

I hope that’s not too much pressure.....

You take your anger out on me
And yeah I guess that’s fine.
I’m still totally in love with you.
You’re still mine.

I wish you didn’t take your anger out on me.
It makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong.
like you’re not happy.

I wish you didn’t take your anger out on me.
I wish you were happy simply and wholeheartedly.
I wish you understood how much it hurts.
Bullets not for me,
grazing my skin.

You say you miss me
Then you hit me
With a phrase
that ruins my day.

I know you don’t mean it
But that doesn’t matter.
Manslaughter’s still ******
Even if it was just chatter.

I’ve told you that you remind of my father.
Sometimes a little too much.
But even though you take your anger out on me.
I seem to still love you unconditionally.

Let me hear the sound of your voice so
I can fly like the butterflies I get in
My stomach when you say my name

Let me feel your touch
So I can be closer to you
I’ll never leave your side
And That’s not a lie

Let me look into your eyes
So I can sail the ocean tides
Like I will with you
When we say the words “I do”.

Call me whatever the ******* want
My name is forever in this dark font
Trapped in the cursive letters u gave
Write it down
Put it on my grave
This isn’t my real name
And you know it just the same

I love you more than anything I name
I know love has tendency to stain
I’m telling you I can’t get through this pain
I don’t know how to not feel this way
So I ask you please ****** stay

I realize healing isn’t that far away
But I know I won’t make it anyway
I’m telling you I’m not playing any games
I just want you to please ******* stay.
I didn’t realize that I could feel this way.
Trust me this wasn’t the plan today.
I didn’t know that I could be this way.
Guess my feelings just change.

Seems like everything’s in black and white.
Then I find the gray area and nothing is right.
And I know you didn’t sign up for this.
But I’m telling you, here it is.

Before
My biggest fear is loving him too much.
I’m not afraid of the dark.
I’m not afraid of bees.
I’m not afraid of ghosts.
I’m not afraid of sharks.
I’m not afraid of heights.
I’m not afraid of death.
I’m afraid I’ll love him more than he loves me.
The most painful feeling is loving someone more than they love you.
I told him this.
I warned him I love too much.
I warned him before we even said love.
And he said

Me too.

Now
we love each other equally.
So if I ever wonder how much he loves me.
I think about how much I love him
And then I smile
Because I know he loves me that much too.
And that is something I can say
Without a single doubt in my mind.

Words have power in them.
God spoke us into existence.
Therefore we have the gift of speech.
Not in the way you’re thinking.
You can’t say “I need $20”
And suddenly it’ll appear in front of you.
It doesn’t work that way,
But I’m sure many of you have already guessed.
Telling someone they’re beautiful
Makes them beautiful.
Telling someone they’re intelligent
Makes them intelligent.
Telling someone they’re worthless
Makes them worthless.
Words have power in them
Chose your words carefully.
They may make a difference in a life.
You may never know the difference you’ve made
But why not try.
Being kind doesn’t hurt anyone.
It’s so simple yet so uncommon.

Tell the next person you see
That they’re beautiful.

It’ll make they’re day.
Because even if they don’t believe it themselves,
They know that someone else does.

The truth is
You were dealt these cards by chance.
No one is out to get you
Or ruin your life
It just is that way
And that’s the saddest part
And you can’t blame anyone
But yourself

Suicidal tendencies
Tend to be relentlessly
Called together by embassies
Back and forth we swing
We swing

Called together by the seas
Sun and moon and stars we please
Tell the world our cross will bleed
Let them know our eyes can see

Fifty shades of blue and green
Colors not yet to be seen
Listen listen to the screams
Minds and hearts all but redeemed

If a guy compares you to his ex, he’s not over her. Plain and simple. He’s trying to give himself reasons of why he SHOULD be over her.

Sometimes my heart and my brain,
Don't like to speak.
My heart will run before
My brain can even think.
My brain will be confused.
And my heart will be crying.
My heart will be broken,
And my brain will be lying.

Sometimes my heart is full
And my brain is empty.
The thoughts will just leave.
Without warning.
And my heart will fill.
With the thoughts and memories.
That aren't supposed to be there.
That isn't there place.
I want them to go back.
I want my brain to take them back.
Apparently they don’t do that.

I guess they don't want to.
Maybe my brain is cruel
And my heart is kind.
So they want to escape.

They want to escape my ugly mind.

Sometimes my heart is too open.
And I just need to close it.
But it's hard to do that.
Because it's not just a door,
you can slam shut.
Walls have to be built,
And watch towers have to be on stilts.

And what if someone
tears the walls down?
What would I do then?
My heart would be used to seclusion.
It would have to adjust.
My conclusion,
It's a repetitive cycle.
One I can't break.

My solution,
Let the walls stay broken.
Just for a little while.
If your heart gets hurt.
Let it hurt.
There's no use in hiding,
From something that
is going to happen anyway.
Either way.
Life's not a fun game to play.

How dare you have the audacity
To tell me I don't know what pain feels like.
How dare you tell me I don't understand what it feels like to lose someone.
How it feels to lose something
You cared for so much.
How dare you tell me I don't know what it feels like to feel so much pain that you need more of it in order to feel less.
How dare you tell me I don't know how it feels to have my head under water with no way out.
How dare you tell me I don't know what it is to struggle with tempting depression or crushing anxiety.
How dare you tell me I don't get it.
How dare you tell me I can't ever get it.
How dare you tell me I can't understand it.
How dare you tell me I don't understand the pain of losing your life without stopping your heart.
Because I do.
And I will.
It's called life.
And all you can do is get through it
with your scars.

Chances.
How many do you get?
How many do you want?
You can take them.
Or you can steal them.
But who do you steal them from?

Only so many are given.
It's advised not to push the limits.
Although there are all too many gimics.
Of chances I mean.
How do you know when you get one?
How do you know when you loose one?
Often you're told,
often they're sold.

They're traded from person to person.
Given, taken, stolen, awakened.
Sometimes people don't want to give them.
Because maybe you took too many.
Maybe you just took them without asking.
People don't like that,
When you take things without asking.
It makes them feel used.
A feeling all too common I see.

If you take a chance.
You can choose the size.
It's best advised,
you measure it.
Because from time to time,
People don't.
They let someone else choose for them.
You don’t want the wrong size
Not everyone knows your size
That’s why you’re supposed to choose for yourself
You can't wear clothes that are too big.
You'll look foolish.
That's why you return them.
But you can't return chances.
There are no receipts.
No repeats.
Only advances,
To places that lead to more chances,
If you’re lucky.

Chances are not redos.
So don't dare think they are.
Or you'll look foolish in your oversize suit.
During your life long commute.
People always remember the ones you take.
And especially the ones you steal.
So don't trip on your pride.
Because soon it'll be the only thing you’ve got.

The anger he just made me feel
Was dipped in stone and coated in steal
Burning sensation in my heart
Pulling my feelings dead apart
I wish to never feel this way
No matter how much I ever change
Every time I feel this way
I wish to never feel again

I always surprise myself with the physical pain
Of this mental feeling brought by this insane part of me.

Surely I’m not the only one?

The more you take the more you leave behind.

The more you love the more you lose your mind.

The more you hate the more that you’re denied.

The more you fear the more you walk the line.

The more you hurt the more your mind declines.

If you never tell anyone, it never happened.
If there were no witnesses, it never happened.
If people say it didn't happen,
then it didn't, even if it did.
This is why not all people are an open book.
Not everyone wants you to read all their pages.
Because unfortunately, you can't rip out pages
of your own book.
Because if you don't tell anyone, it never happened.
Why did you tell your mom that you never had ***, when you knew that you have?
Because it never happened.
Why did you tell your boyfriend that you were okay, when you knew very well, that you were absolutely not?
Because it never happened.
Why did you tell your therapist that you've never tried drugs, when you know you have?
Because it never happened.
Why did you tell your best friend you were feeling better, when you knew nothing would make you feel better?
Because it never happened.
If you don't tell anyone, it never happened.
If no one knows, it never happened.
As long as you can bury it,
deep down inside yourself,
and never let the truth surface,
It . Never . Happened .
It . Never . Happens .
It's . Never . Happening.
You're fine.
Right?

There's glass on the ground,
I can't remember why.
I look all around and up at the sky.
The clouds have covered the sun.