I don't think I belong here.

Mom, where'd you go?
Dad, don't leave.

Little sister, little sister.
Deep in my head I stay.

Roaming the hills of unwanted thoughts,
delving the forests of secret things.

Climbing the stories to reach for the sun
I almost grasp a star.

too late
falling
falling
the story not enough to bear me.

falling
     falling
          falling

I don't think I belong here.
I'd rather walk
under the leaves of Lothlorien
sleep under the light of Evenstar

I'd rather die
battling Smeagol
poor, pitiable old Smeagol

I'd rather speak
a language no human knows

deep in the Chamber of Secrets
I'd rather be a Farwalker
I'd rather spit at the Snake in
Eden

I'd rather fly
and meet Oromis and Glaedr

I'd rather wield a sword against
whatever nameless one

in what ever
half forgotten world

born of a dying thought

I'd rather be a character to scorn.

Where are you, Mom, Dad?
Little sister, little sister.

I don't think I belong here.

sitting in our little car
scrunched next to the two
warm little bodies
I've come to love

talking to the man I idolize
thinking he's more than human

my mind is an infinite river

there are stars in my eyes
dancing swirling
gone

there are words in my heart
gleaming and writhing
creating
like stars

there is a rawness in my veins
a hatred, a pure love

beauty I want, cannot have
c-ca-cannot have

music dances
elven lights
I sink like metal in water
slowly

all at once

drifting in the tide of life, drifting, dying living
awake asleep dead alive

awake in some ways, asleep
in others

what is evil
what is good
what is heaven
what is hell

none of that matters
all that matters is
the heart of the Earth,
soaking and pushing and struggling against us

the veins in a pale wrist
the patterns on a leaf's underside
the dancing light glimmering off water

am I dead

Do you remember -
no, of course you don’t.

Did you hear about -
never mind.

What are you -
no, sorry.

Why -
nope.

I -
sorry.*

…….
Did you say something?

Laughing and crying are
one and the same
even through life
it's all just a game
pain feels like hugs
smiles look like scowls
laughter
like shouts

warmth and cold are one
and the same

loving hate and hating love
To hate someone
that much
there has to be a little love
in there.
Somewhere.

To love someone that much,
you don't see them clearly.

Black is a shade of white, white is a shade of black

Fatigue is a part of energy

life is a part of death
death, a part of life

all extremities are
just reflections of each other.

She's still there.
Why is she still there? After all that's happened...
She's the same. I blew up.
I think I took her damage for her.
My mind's a mess
My life's a mess
I am a walking broken soul
She hurt me, she hurt me badly
And I'll never be perfectly whole
again.

I miss the way
I used to be
A flying kite
nowhere near the sea

My family and friends
don't recognize me

Because I'm a walking broken soul.

They say Do this,
and then, Work on that,
as though business will heal
me, make me
forget.

I say, Look at me,
I say, Help me,
I say, Ask me what's wrong.

I'm a broken melody
in a beautiful song.
How can you not see
I'm a half, not a whole?

How can you not see,
My heart's made of coal?

How can you not see,
I don't want this,
Anymore?

How can you not see
your daughter
knocking at your door?

"Sticks and stones
may break my bones
but words will
never hurt me."

Sticks and Stones
may break my bones
and leave a bruise,
that's tender.

But words themselves
and scars as well
now, *that's what
I'll remember.

A face
slick with tears.
A hand
thin with fear.
An eye
red with anger.
An attempt
to scream out at the world,
A string of symbols
woven together
made to conquer
the empty page.
A realization;
the letters
are small on the page,
vulnerable.
They may as well
not be there.
A sigh, a cry,
a pen dropped,
a door slammed.

just another
standard person.
same color
same school
same hair
same grades
same struggles.
If I were
to vanish,
and no one
noticed,
would my pain
still matter?

I reworked myself
so you would notice
my words, not my face.
Now you
remark the change
and stare all the more
closely.