August
“I’ve written one poem, and my mind has been blank for the rest of the days.”
“Past midnight, when the world is deathly quiet, my hunger sickens me.”
September
“Another year closer to my death. Hours of darkness consume me with my thoughts, yet for once, I felt happy.”
October
“Fourth of October, I bought grapes from the grocery store. I ate each one at home, coffee on the side — and when none were left, tears welled up as I thought: like the grapes, everyone is gone and I am alone.”
November
“November I write and write, and yearn, and grieve
not to anyone in particular,
but to someone familiar,
this gut-wrenching, unattainable, dying star
whom I would take to my grave,
close to my unbeating heart.”
December
“Fifteenth of December. Happiness is temporary, scars are forever, and the only true freedom lies in death.”
Mar 20
Mar 20, 2026 at 4:35 AM UTC
The year was 1997
two months later jeff went to heaven
after you were born,
I am mad to think he died later on after he was reborn
in the form of another boy
who grew up from the south
whose face and body were sculpted by the gods
whose sign was ruled by the planet mars
the sixth out of my seven superstars
loud, magnetic, brilliant, thick eyebrows
seeing you closely as I stood next to two groupies was bizarre
I despise men except you
yes you-
you with your guitar
and your hundreds of poems
my unpretentious cinephile
you and your al pacino dreams make me smile
I adore you endlessly
I adore how you act so silly,
how you speak freely,
but how you feel deeply most of all
just like me
it was like looking at the reflection of my solitude and yearning
but when it comes to what you’re thinking
I could never read it behind those orbs of yours,
maybe no one could
because your thoughts are sacred
like how the others and I could only admire you from afar
untouchable, ethereal
six years later I am still writing about you
wondering if your muses have gone,
lost in all the people who came and left along with the fame that had died down
but I am still here,
a bear witness to the evolution of how a boy turned into a man
even if sometimes I am losing my will to live,
or how, a long time ago, I’ve stopped chasing my own dreams
but I am still here for you
no one measures up to you
eight point two billion living things
and you’re still incomparable
you’re the last boy on earth
long live my own version of jeffrey scott,
my modern day dylan,
I still have hope for you at least,
that may you find your way back to what you do best
and may it finally lead you to prominence
just like you always wanted
and if that time comes and I am no longer here
please live for me
and
be happy
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 3:32 PM UTC
The last time I was happy was not the last time I was
hearing your voice on the phone the other day was quite nice,
even the faint snores you were making
as you snoozed on the other line after hours of talking
I dreamed of moments like this,
simple and occasionally boring,
we were only at ease, worrying about nothing
Growing older I thought about the misconception that happiness is vast therefore it is elusive,
but over a bottle of beer I looked at the faces of my friends,
talking and laughing loudly,
they listen to me attentively when I speak
and from that moment I knew it was happiness,
but that was not the last time I was happy
I looked at the color of my nails and smiled,
took home a paper bag of thrifted clothes I bought with donuts and coffee,
but that was not the last time I was happy
The month was May, when you first braided my hair
you said you liked it short but I wanted to keep it long for that very reason,
you braiding my hair with your calloused hands
and maybe because it made me feel my softness and divinity and the thought of it made me happy, but that was not the last time I was
I listened to an old favorite song,
it reminded me that I could always return to the things I'd loved and forgotten all over again
just like how you took me back and there were no more hurricanes,
there is only us in comfortable silence
when we watched a movie we were too sleepy to finish,
Or how are eyes talk when we ran out of things to say
for the first time in a long while I am happy
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 3:28 PM UTC
Some where, some place in my mind
I pretend not,
back laid flat on a tree branch reading Sylvia Plath
Feeling the warmth of sunrays trying to come through the leaves, like when I was in the arms of my mother the night before she disappeared
How could tranquility be lavishly elusive?
ironically
at present we call reality
where time is uncontrollable and actions have consequences,
where happiness does not last long
and where pain and death are inevitable
What could possibly be there for a woman like me?
Historically devoid of emancipation,
anticipated without evolution
Where creativity is madness
and vulnerability is nothing but weakness
I guess I have none left in me but love,
a kind of love I have chosen without thinking it through
Not brought by fate or made of rose-colored glasses
a love suppressed from those with scathing eyes
even from my father’s cognisance,
because you see I could not break his heart
no matter how it inclined me to cowardice and doubt
This made me not want to witness the conclusion of this affair,
like the last part of a film when it is time for the credits to roll,
where it would leave you longing and melancholic that it has to end
But how long do you think it would mend?
because I know how deep it would leave a scar
and it terrifies me to the bone that I may not be able to recover this time
Mother, Sylvia and Elizabeth,
if only you have an answer to this contemplation
because here I am in my thirties,
still a prisoner of my own decisions
wondering if there is more to this life and if this void will ever be filled
Albeit, a part of myself would return,
on those days when there was a reason to be happy
I would find you and me
in all our silliness and simplicity
and that short lived moment was for me,
our eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
If only it would remain eternal...
Because how do I avoid this impending tragedy?
I never want to imagine nor dream of the agony,
of roaming alone in this dyad orbit
the countless nights of crying myself to sleep
and falling into the abyss of a future unknown to me
It would happen one day,
that very one thing I am certain at least,
that eventually you would have to go
from this idyllic fortress we have hidden for so long
I could only pray by then,
that for once you believed that we loved
leaving a piece of ourselves with one another as we move on with this life
Thank you for being a part of it
for letting me experience your vastness
surrendering to my reasons,
no questions asked
May we mend and blossom in a rush
I would always utter your name in a hush
until we finally meet a different version of us
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 3:21 PM UTC
June, lost in your brown eyes June
the way you make me shiver,
when I hear you.
My modern-day Dylan,
born with a fire sign making red as your color,
a fiery spirit with a striking masculinity,
Ambiguity,
the duality is astounding in you, June
enthralling me with your coolness and childlike silliness
when you're you June
But who am I to assume when you're being the real you?
As soon as the curtains and the lights are off,
you're concealed from the whole world to see,
back home you bring with you your loneliness and existential crisis,
so you write them in paper in a form of a song or poem,
or you just pour yourself a drink until they all go away
La douleur exquise,
you who belonged to everyone
and you who belonged to no one,
you will never know my name,
you who never cared for a name.
You June, yes you and your cold brown eyes
antithetical to the tenderness of your heart
The way you capture the first two of my five senses,
the way you bedazzle the assemblage with your electric presence
June, you have no idea how grandiose my dream was for you,
in seven continents you land with your own private jet
countless nights in every city where you stand to their largest stages
and you give your all
and they watch you, they sing along
and then they cry and shout with joy
Maybe I am being too ambitious, June
but you were bigger than Dylan
in my dream,
the millions of records you sold,
to the best-selling books you wrote
'cause you were just that gold,
and brilliant
in my dream
It's not that I deserve you but they don't deserve you like your brothers do
I followed you reach your aspirations,
gone were the days of your wild youth,
when you were only misunderstood
for being conceited and carefree
Now I see you,
almost in your anonymity
and I'm afraid to say that it seems your passions have burnt-out
June,
my eyes could not even gaze at yours without feeling like crying June
even when you smile with your teeth showing,
no matter how loud you laugh.
I have already solved the mystery behind those cold brown eyes June,
that we all share the same pain of losing someone significant
and this endless wondering about the meaning of our lives
June,
I may have stopped dreaming for myself
that I could be someone like you,
because my world is too small and distant compared to your universe
June,
in my dream there were seven of you shining the brightest
and I was not sad nor anxious even the slightest.
I was happy, June
And in my dream you took me to your apartment after the show, just for you to brag me your vinyl collection.
I didn't notice how it all happen but we were writing a song together,
could have been the greatest song of all time we're about to perform tomorrow
until I woke up and you were not there,
and all I have are tears in my eyes,
June
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 3:07 PM UTC
I thought about you again,
just like any other day
and it's enormous, this musing about you
or is it because the day we were born is just a month away?
same star, only twenty days apart
They said we were soulmates, but now I'm starting to feel like it's the other way around
I wrote this on a rainy August
losing track on how long it was since the last time we asked how each of us are doing,
not even a phone call.
I could begin to tell you about how awful my day had been at work, but I never did
and that I finally have plans on leaving or what I'm up to during the weekends, but,
I never did
We could have spent an hour or more exchanging messages, but we never did
and we never asked if we are doing alright or if we are happy the way we are now, distant from one another
If I knew then that nothing lasts forever could ache like this as much,
I would not let this small world of mine revolve around you.
My heroine, my muse,
Spica, the brightest star.
But if we had not met, would my rose garden never fully bloom?
Was being with you made me strong?
You said you love me but it felt like you did not understand me
but I know,
I may have chosen things that I'm not proud of,
Words I wished never slipped from my lips for you to hear
Is it too late now to go back from the way we were?
because we are running out of time and we are not getting any younger either
Who would have thought how petrifying it is growing old in this kind of generation?
Today, I listened to a song which reminds me of you,
I pondered at the thought of missing you,
but no, I don't miss you
I miss the memories of us sitting at the beach while adoring the ocean under the trees,
those days we used to hang out on our favorite spot,
so many sleepovers and endless conversations about almost everything
Every show, every movie we had seen
every occassion and places we had been,
every song you used to sing,
every passion and laughter and tears we had shared,
I miss them all
I think about the last time we spoke and how I should have said,
that it still hurts sometimes how we are no longer the same anymore
I wonder if time really could heal every heartbreak? especially from the person you loved and the countless times you called as a friend.
But one thing's for sure,
Next month will be even bluer without you
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 3:03 PM UTC
This is one of those moments she yearned for the world to stop dead,
to hear nothing but utter silence, eyes shut,
suddenly everything fades into black
Her throat sore and tightening, the heaviness of her heart
her fingers cold, forming lines in her left wrist
and when she's insatiable she draws another on her right hip
It made her feel alive, the sting,
like how you made her feel when she lets you touch her bare skin
she wished she would remain like this for long,
alive and happy
But happiness seemed too much to ask for as hoping,
hoping she is not partly dead and mostly sad and empty
Though there were better days,
like how she liked the color of her nails or her sad playlist
and then she pretends like she belonged with everyone else, oh how she does this remarkably well
But amongst the chatter comes solitude to her like a friend, and it is real and comforting,
and it did not leave her like what the others did,
it listened to her wept while she held her chest from the ache of her vague existence
Those were her gray days, the worst of her,
when she felt like there was a raging storm inside her head
Her body frail,
she felt worthless,
loathing herself for what she became
Is there no escape from this prison that is my mind she asked
at that moment she did not desire to be buried but she wanted
them to grieve
Yet all she ever dreamed of is to drown,
along with her demons,
the demise of her old self she wish she had loved
into a stream full of flowers, curled hair, dressed in aubergine
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 2:50 PM UTC
Here is what I have been thinking this afternoon,
strange how the rainy weather does not give me the blues
Maybe,
just maybe for the meantime
I could not even remember the last time I was lonely,
it was about something I could never explain nor understand.
You don't have an answer to it either but,
you were trying to make me feel better
and though I may not be at my best at present, I could say I am doing better
Better than the old scars I could no longer trace on my wrist
There is a list,
of things I want to do with you,
but nothing compares to the fresh sheets where we lay,
and you smelling like oranges, as I wrap my arms around you for a warm embrace
Here is what I have been thinking,
If only I could promise you that nothing in this world could hurt you
we were trying to heal for so long
because nothing could have prepared us on how life would treat us,
it made us feel alone,
despite of all people and places we called home
We wander in circles, looking for meaning of all this
chasing dreams like stars perished
And though I could not promise you happiness for it is finite
at least we could still smile after the tears
And no matter how great or small I could promise
there is someone who would always cheer with the things
you do
You,
who sparkle the fire with rose water so I would not burn
You,
who lighten up the the night when it is jet black,
so I could see how you turn everything alive and moving
and breathing
I am yearning, when it is safe and I am free
we could finally have the proximity
and then we would not worry about a thing
and I would not be afraid,
because I am with you
and I could not wait for summer to come
and spend it drowsily and tenderly in your arms
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 2:45 PM UTC
My july summer baby
you came through my window like a whirlwind
making the butterflies escape from my terrene
the way i feel for you is something as vast as the cosmos
like when we kissed the first time
how the stars misaligned and ignited into pieces of iridescence,
creating dust sparkles like magic
My lover, my confidante
you make me smile,
as I gaze at your lips that I always miss pressed on mine
soft eyes, warm hands, how you talk delicately
everything about you my love is tranquility
You are the calm after my storm are you not?
the water to my fire,
the moonlight over my dark ocean
This year has been a catastrophe so it seems
yet how astonishing of us for making this far
Silent charmer,
childlike wonder,
being with you makes me young forever
always in love with your sheepish smiles, your good mornings and your good nights
and when I'm stressed you bring me my favorite coffee
There is a sting I feel everytime i have to let go from your clutch,
the times we sneak from the others just to steal a hug
but I still look forward to the day you take me out again on a date
and when I could lay beside you and nuzzle in your arms uninterrupted
Those small things are what kept me sanguine love,
because sometimes this overwhelming void terrifies me and that one day you may not be able to deal with it
But for some unknown reason I knew, no words needed to be
spoken to
I am safe from the warmth I found in you
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 2:36 PM UTC
I found you,
past galore of faces abuzz
that lonely summer when I was lost
sitting across a table meant for two or more
I was on my own, mind hazy
you were an enigma I never knew then
Call me crazy but it was no coincidence that we met
you were one careful being
and maybe I am crazy,
the way you fascinate me,
a child at heart with a profound soul
you painted me from blue to gold
It was sudden, you and I
and made us afraid
but the way I feel for you is as warm as the morning sun
or as deep as the night with moon and stars flickering above
and it made me smile,
to the thought of you with your pretense of indifference,
the times you tried to brush me off until I found my way to your heart, cold and guarded
But look at you now my love, look at us now,
the way our hands are entwined with one another,
the way we bask in from our countless kisses and embrace,
it made me miss you everyday
If only I could rewrite this year that almost tore me apart
I would erase everything and begin again to the part where I met you,
where I am just happy and nothing hurts,
and where I only enjoy a random day with you,
drinking coffee as we talk for hours,
and by the evening I would lay next to you,
head rested in your neck, arms wrapped around your shoulder
But I am no writer of fate,
just a girl in love and still hoping for better days to come
and you are one of those days,
the wallop of your existence which you could not even grasp,
like the way you laugh or your exquisite lashes, how you hate the dark,
the scrunching of your forehead when you concentrate, the look your eyes give when you see me crying
and I would always be enamored of you,
you thought of me more than what they thought I am
but sometimes I wonder, why you care for such a world?
a world which tends to be cruel and gives you nothing in return
and that made you one of a few, with your benevolence and compassion
I wish I could also be as free as you,
you stood to your notions raw and true
the way you see yourself for who you really are,
I wish I could be stronger for you
What happened when I found you,
when I have nowhere to go to,
as I carried with me my heart shattered in two
for all the times I gave myself to everyone until I fell apart
only God knows how many times I tried,
to mend myself just to be broken and get beaten all over again
and so I shut myself out,
until there was no one but you
you looked at my scars and still told me I was beautiful
everything seemed brighter when I'm with you
and I would always remember the last time you took me out on a date,
when we said goodbye and meet again the following day
I would always remember the last time we made love,
every touch, every kiss,
the way you hold me like I'm the only one
the tears you wiped away as you whisper,
I am here
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 2:08 PM UTC