I said it, I know
A million times or more
And I know you can’t trust me, but I’ll say it some more
I love, more than anything else
I know I messed up, and **** I can’t forget
Everything I could have done to prevent it
All those times
All those laughs
I guess they’re all gone now
I wish I had some hope for the future
Some drive to live
I wish I had something else
Something for me to give
I’ve wasted all my time, I’ve wasted all my life
I want to die, but I can’t
I mess up so often I don’t know why you haven’t given up yet
I say I’ll change; I try to mean it this time
I don’t know if I can do it
Staying alive is hard enough when I’m happy
I might as well go burn in hell
For all the good I’m doing here
Hurt pain and more mistakes
They hurt me more than they could every say
But I’m still wrong it’s all my fault,
Hate me more and say I’m wrong
A million and one ******* times
It’ll never be the same, oh it’ll never be the same
They could forgive me, but why would they try?
They’d me grab a gun and die
It’ll never be the same, I’ll always feel insane
I walk around the earth like I’m having fun,
When all I wants a chance to make it all numb
It happened once twice way too many times
I almost felt like I was alright
One mistake and then I’m done
Why am I the only one who can’t feel numb?
I just want to end it, end it please
But no I can’t, I can’t end it here
I’ll make it better, to god I swear
When no one else could ******* care
You’re here even though you don’t want to be,
I still don’t know what you see in me
When they did something bad, it’s still alright
I have to put down the knife
Forgive them for every single thing,
Ruining the one thing that made me happy
Promised and broke it a thousand times
But I should’ve have trusted you?
Give me a reason why
I know I’m ugly, I look like a ****
While you’re sitting on a throne as a hypocrite
I’m the one who’s wrong; you’re perfect in every way
I must not be able to feel any pain
You’re perfect in every single way, call yourself ugly just to get my praise
Lie just to get away from me, laugh in my pain; in glee as I bleed
I can’t fix anything, you never wanted me too
Lied just to make yourself seem cool
Crushing every ounce of what I had
But of course I have no right to be mad
You’re still perfect in every way, and now I’m the one who’s ******* insane
I told a million and one times
Now you believe me, after all this time
As I walk along with haunted eyes
You haven’t eaten in a day, and I supposed to believe you again?
You betrayed my trust like I did yours, but only I can see your flaws
I see every single wrong thing you did, but say a single one and I’m a hypocrite
Tell everyone I cared about everything I’ve done,
Of course now you think you’ve won
Lost all trust and lost your love,
Aren’t you glad I’m so ****** up?
Sep 3, 2015
Sep 3, 2015 at 9:00 PM UTC
It’s only been a few days
That’s how I’m living my life
It’s only been a few years
I’ve lost some love,
I’ve lost some time
I still hate myself
But I’m still trying to hide
I used to try to take it away
This pain inside
Now all the ones I used to love
Tell me I’m despised
Well thanks for that, you ****** up too
If I make a mistake, you make two
So shut your mouth and burn in hell
Oh, it’s all so swell
Aug 9, 2015
Aug 9, 2015 at 1:03 AM UTC
When all is dark
I need some light
I need something to make it right
And you’re always here for me
Even your eyes
Shine brighter than a million stars in the sky
No sun could be brighter,
Even heaven doesn’t have your appeal
Nothing’s ever shined like you
No one’s ever loved me like you do
All those things I said
You’ve got to know that they’re true
Cause I love everything about you
You made me take it back
Cause there is love in this world
And it’s not what I’d of thought
There is beauty in this world
Cause I see it in your face
And I see it in your grace
And it still hurts
But you take my pain away
And I still bleed, still cry out in pain
But you make me cry these tears of joy
You make everything right
Someone who won’t leave me feeling
Disappointed
And I’ve found that in you
Aug 4, 2015
Aug 4, 2015 at 12:36 AM UTC
Just one last time
I wanted to make things right…
I never do it
Like I do it in my mind
Oh, just one single time
Just wanted to do it right
But there’s always a fight…
I hope I’ll do it right one day
I’ll,
See you in heaven
See you in hell
Every day I’m alive is a day that ain’t so well
I wish I could fix every mistake I made
I wish I could just take away the pain
And why
Oh, I don’t know why
It makes me want to cry
Every day I want to die
And why
A million and more times
I just can’t do it right
I’ll fix it all one day
When’d
Ya learn I’m not alright?
That I can’t even go a night
Without screaming out in pain
Oh
I’ll do it all myself
Cause I ain’t got nobody else
I wish I could say I did
I wish
I wish I had a life
One that would inspire
One that I’d be proud to show today
Not this one I’d give away
**** I’ve got this restless mind
Won’t give me any time
I just want to go away
I’d
Give my life
If I knew I’d make a difference
I’m tired of being a lie
I’d die
A thousand and more times
If I could just see her smile
Before the pain takes me away
And I hate myself
And everything I’ve ever done
I’m tired of these stupid songs
I’m tired of myself
I
Can’t even be myself
Liking men sets me apart from everything else
I’m glad I can lie today
I hope that no one else
Will ever know this pain
Cause it’s driving me insane
Seeing shadows all the time
All the ****** time
And when I want to end myself
I know it won’t change anybody else
But I feel so selfish not doing enough
Doing enough for all the other ones
The ones I love so much
I hope they love me in return
Jul 17, 2015
Jul 17, 2015 at 2:06 AM UTC
I thought it was my life
Building and tearing down out of strife
I thought you loved in another way
But I think it’s better today
And even though it hurts a lot
I can bear the pain
If the world’s at large,
Why should I remain?
But I can’t leave my town
And it’s so hard to change these ways
But I’ll still float on,
Won’t you understand?
I know I’m not making the most
My mind, it feels like I’m a ghost
I need something to make me feel a little less insane
Even though I’m not in the ocean,
I’m still in this undertow
I thought I was out of my mind
But why are you in it all the time?
I wish I could act like I didn’t care
But I don’t wanna be a liar anymore
So I lay on this wooden floor
Trying to drink away the part of the day that I cannot sleep away
That’s no way to live
They always say the things I hate to hear
**** it’s a sin to be this queer
I try to be good
I try to do things right
I always to seem to end up in a fight
I never wanted to lie
I never wanted you to make me cry
Why can’t I just live my life?
I always seem to be full of lies
I don’t wanna tell them to you
I stopped, that’s true
I’m sorry for all that stuff I did
I didn’t mean it when I said I hated you
I hope you were lying too
Can’t even be myself
Not like my parents help
‘Always here for you’ that much is true
But it’s the bad things they always seem to do
Give me help?
No, just make me depressed
Love myself?
No, I’m just a *****
Tell you I’m gay,
You tell me I can’t feel that way
I guess I’m just stuck in sin
Jul 15, 2015
Jul 15, 2015 at 1:03 AM UTC
It was the darkest night
But you were there, right by my side
Made me love things I always thought I’d hate
A few bad things happened to change
I’ll never tell you about my problems anymore,
I think it’s for the best or I’d do it some more
But even in the brightest light,
Evil comes and then the night
Devours all that you can see,
Taken what is left of me
I’m not the same person you loved
There’s barely anything left
The truth is, I was never meant for the light anyways
The sunlight only ever brought me pain
And when the darkness came, it never left me the same
At best, I like it a cloudy time,
At worst with pouring rain
But it always seemed to turn to night
One thing that gets worse, it’s always the pain…
The night was something I never liked
But I seem to make it myself
I hate myself for it
I never thought I’d be here, in this place
I kind of wish there was some pouring rain
Cause sunlight is too bright for an eye that is always used to the night
I wish my eyes would adjust,
But it’s been too long for me
Perfection in daylight…
Something I’ll never see
I wish I could stay with the sunset always in my eyes
But it always passes too quickly,
And I wish I’d die
Never, never, never
I wish things could just be alright
I know I ruined thing between us,
It’ll never be the same, cause we’ll never trust
And I won’t try to get it back
Cause I don’t deserve it
And I’ll never try to get back your love,
Even though it’s something that I could never have enough
When I was in pain,
You made things right
When god seemed far away,
You were in sight
And even though I’m afraid of the dark,
You were always the perfect night
Jul 13, 2015
Jul 13, 2015 at 11:37 PM UTC
I know you loved her more than me,
But that’s something I couldn’t see
And happy’s what I’d never be,
If it was like that
I just go over it and over it again and again and again
And now I’m done
I’m tired of thinking these thoughts inside my head,
Wanting always to be dead
I’m tired of living my life like I’m not alive,
And now I’m done
If I could take it back,
Every lie and time I cried,
And every time I wish I died,
I wouldn’t
Cause now I’m done
Done with feeling like I should listen to them
Worst person in the world, why should I care?
I’m gonna live life like normal, that must be fair
Take what I get and throw it in the air
I don’t even know when I started, so long ago
Always these claws tearing at my throat
Pain in my lungs, as I wake, sleep, cry
And now I’m done
Jul 11, 2015
Jul 11, 2015 at 6:49 PM UTC
Maybe you’re right
I’m just a player, playing the game
But why does it hurt, give me so much pain?
I never liked the thrill of it anyways
I know the things that I used to say,
But you never listened, any day
But you told me you loved me, in every way
You might think my heart’s like ice,
But it shatters within your vice
You captured my heart, but not my soul
I try to live my life like it’s my own
I know I’m selfish, I don’t do things right
I’ll try to be better this time; don’t wanna make this mistake again
I’ll live my life like it’s not the end
I know I always bring you down,
But so soon you won’t hear my sound
You won’t have to ever talk to me,
I hope that’s how you want it to be
You think I lied, a million times
But I never did, had no reason why
I loved you then and I loved you know,
I’d show you but I don’t know how
You lied to me a thousand times, a hundred different ******* lies
You made me laugh, you made me cry,
But half the time just wanna die
I wish I could say it was worth it with you,
But that honestly will never be true
You’d be better off if I was never born,
I’m sorry I was
But even though you cause me pain,
You gave me things I’d never change
When I wanted to die,
You gave me strength
In the face of death,
I laughed it away
Sorry for all the things I’ve done,
Playing a game I’ve never won
I don’t think I will, come on
Who’d fall in love with sick ol’ me,
Messed up beyond all belief?
Knife in hand, I had a plan,
But you’re not here anymore
But I can put it down and turn around, cause I don’t need you anymore
No one will ever be like you, I know that that much is true
I’ll always remember you
Jul 9, 2015
Jul 9, 2015 at 4:40 PM UTC
We were young
Still are
So why does it hurt so much already?
They always told me that growing up *****
So why didn’t they tell me about this?
I got pain shooting through my mind
I spend all my time wondering why
I don’t know, can’t ask
No one cares,
Not anymore
I got one ray of light,
After all these years it’s blinding to my eyes
It makes everything all right
Even when I’m not, I know everything else is fine
No one else matters now,
Not until I can show you how
How much I love you
Cause I know you love me
And I love you too
When everything I know is a lie, that’s still true
I wanna wake you from your dream
Find out why you’re thinking all those negative things
Cause you’re the perfect one for me
And you’re the only who I don’t have to ask
Do you love me?
Jul 2, 2015
Jul 2, 2015 at 12:58 PM UTC
“What kind of life you dream of? You’re allergic to love”
Yes I know but I must say in my own defense
It’s been undeniably dear to me, I don’t know why
When all the other parts of life seemed locked behind shutters
I was feeling down, like I always do about this time
There is no reason or rhyme, when all seems fine
It’s not
I’m not okay
I wish things could be that way, but I won’t lie
15 years in hell
I’m tired of saying everything’s well, with this proper grammar
Sometimes I just want to smash it all in with a hammer
My head not exempt
From this torture I receive,
It’s so bad that I’d rather bleed
But I don’t, and everything seems fine
It’s not alright
When I look in the mirror,
I wish I was somebody else
You know, and they know, of course I hate myself
It’s just easier not to care,
But it’s so hard when you do
Cause I care about you
And you care about me, too
Do you ever wonder why it’s so hard?
So hard to just take your word, when I’ve been told they’re all lies
All these good things you say, I have to think there’s no way
I must be insane
Someone who loves me, who doesn’t think I should die?
I just have to wonder why
And half time, I can’t come up with answers
So I’ll just leave it at this;
I get tired of it, all the things you say
Why can’t you just hug me all day, tell me it’ll all be okay?
Cause once in a while, I’d like to do it my way
My own path to take away all this pain
And I just want you to hold me in your arms
I just want you to hold…
Jun 26, 2015
Jun 26, 2015 at 10:50 PM UTC