Lingering as it still does, the intoxicating taste of you on my lips has been engraved. Of course I have been extremely misbehaved, acting out completely unrestrained. Yet still I'm here unashamed. The power I can feel behind your every touch, gives me quite the rush, now that the room has fallen hush I can't help I want you so much.
Baby now let's just lose all control, as you break right into my soul. I may seriously never let you go, in case you just didn't know.
20 years together and you're still my everything, my rock in the storm, a mate from which I cannot be torn, the other half of my soul, as well as my best friend. If I was given such a chance you're **** straight I would do it all again. For all this time you have held me close to you, I know that you love me It's plain to see that you really do. You're always going to be the love that I pursue. If I can promise nothing else I swear this much is true.
I will keep you right by my side for the rest of our lives. love shouldn't be pain you told me at the very start and you proved yourself worthy of my entire heart. Me and you I believe were just meant to be I'll accept nothing less than forever so that means it's for all of eternity.
2d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 11:48 PM UTC
For peace of mind I have honestly prayed with all of my might. Just like I have tried my best these flames not to just ignite. I can't even begin to try and explain how the pain really shaped my life. Even with everything that I just had to Sacrifice. It's a story that is not meant for the faint of heart. I am seen now as someone who does not easily fall apart. From the clutches of evil that would die to hold me in their embrace I only pray that I stay on this side of my very saving grace. I survived the storm one more time, Do you think that maybe that could be a sign. A signal of something more that's soon meant to come, Maybe one I will actually feel something instead of always being so numb. The future right now isn't looking so **** grim. Due to all the faith I have put in him. My Father who art in heaven that preserved my soul, the only one that can complete me til once again I feel whole. I have broken a few promises in my day But I do try to say what I mean, and mean just what I say. I believe that every time I draw in a breath, and that I am just that much closer to losing everything I have left. All the reasons are buried in the depths of those things that are hard for me to accept. I am the very poison that pollutes my veins. I try my best to control the beast within by pulling tighter on the reins. All my life I have been looking for someone that myself, from the likes of me they could save. I will take all the secrets that I tend to harbor right straight to my grave. I keep these raw emotions that are bare I hide in the places that to go no one would dare. This hole is but a burning void, melting through to my core. Yet it took forever for me to realize that I don't have to live that way anymore. The thunder rolls and the lightning strikes with a brilliant flash. I do not have to keep on living inside my past. Rather I am sound asleep or wide awake. I know without a doubt I'm responsible for the chaos I create. Even the very best laid of all those plans seem to send you a bit astray, I asked myself daily would I be better off I just suddenly started to fade away. The times that I seem to sit here so **** quietly are the very moments where I am completely consumed by my anxiety. I sometimes wish that had wings, that were the real deal so when flying high in the sky I could find my thrill. I just want to ride the pride, right on through to the other side. In the shadows good and evil simply seem to coincide. It doesn't matter that my patience is really wearing thin and in short supply, as long as I keep on smiling as I am seen riding by. The angels weep for the horrors I have somehow seen. Trying to doctor my memory just to keep it clean. I must admit that the monsters I accidentally did conjure are the very ones that are the hardest for me to conquer. I swear if I make it out unscathed, with my integrity mostly still intact. That I will give everything my all and stop holding back. In prayer it's to my bent knees I fall, no more losing my faith in some ungodly hall. From everything I have seen this disease of addiction is quite widespread but you are seeking mercy or decency left I haven't a single shred. The music blares to soothe the beast that lives inside every one of us without any kind of regard. I apologize to myself for making everything feel like I had to work twice as hard. I hope at some point, I will be freed from this hell of my own creation just in time to claim the very thing I've been starving for.... salvation. I guess I might as well go on and bid you a fond fare-thee-well. As I tell this story I tell over and over like some demented fairy tale
2d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 8:35 PM UTC
ok Just hold up, wait. Shouldn't we all just love one another, instead of spewing all of this hate. The atmosphere that this does create. is one that completely seems to devastate. Aimed at everything that is good, this death ray is simply set to obliterate. Damages done are way more than what I did anticipate. As this darkness does seem to quickly invade, I feel as if there is no escape. So perhaps I hesitate, unable to differentiate between reality and the things I hallucinate.
In the shadows, that are just as still, as they are dark, lingers things that will rip you apart. I find that I am forever scarred, just as I know my name is eternally marred. The haunted images always just bombard, leaving me with nothing but memories that are charred. I am here even though I am met with disregard. The flames that light me up, just to see where I spark have become my hallmark. Sweetheart, I am unarmed, as I prepare to disembark. I keep praying for a headstart, right to my graveyard. Where out of my misery, this moment has been carved. There appears to be no way to outsmart, all these old habits seem to die hard. Meaning that for such things as redemption and salvation I am now starved.
It was out of the darkest part of the most sinister night that magically I was drawn to the light, a light that did shine extremely bright So bright it mimicked daylight. It came to me as such a surprise, one that truly did excite, the light it just seemed to shine right inside, my deepest recess where my demons reside. Causing white hot flames to suddenly ignite giving way to explosions that sounded like dynamite. That is when this heart of mine did crack open wide. The calm that this seemed to provide has left my insatiable appetite utterly and completely satisfied. Yet still something didn't feel like it was quite right, it was almost as if I was searching for what could be considered my Kryptonite. The very thing that once had me crucified. So as I wait for this feeling to subside, I push all my fears aside and attempt to believe everything will be alright.
The highest of all kings, God that is above wraps me completely in his everlasting love. He assures me that I have a purpose, that will lift me up higher than any buzz. Even without these drugs I face decisions that are tough.. Sometimes these desperate situations they crush. I can hear these demons speaking now in tongues. Allowing these evil things to enter in such a rush, that there seems to fall a certain kind of hush. Yet it's not until push turns to shove, That I see that the possibilities are limitless, As my heavenly Father promises that to him I am precious and that I am enough.
2d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 2:18 AM UTC
At any rate I am here. Rather I'm further away or pretty near to me it's become crystal clear. I am here at any rate. Doesn't matter if I am in time or running late. Isn't this just great. Just in case here I am. Here I am just in case. I move around all over the place, when I get up. When I get up, I move around all over the place. Nowadays all my monsters have begun to give me chase, they chase and chase, chasing me every place. They get me so lost inside this maze, that my body aches closing up my airways: I guess possibilities are endless on how we interface. Anyways the questions that this creates, are rather hard to keep up with, when I have been the one enslaved. This, my world, is about to go up in flames. It's a **** shame, that I am just now finding myself as it really begins to blaze. The full blown craze, the consequences now it all outweighs. Maybe all the castaway runaways need to be replaced, if only by Gods good grace. Yet none of them have raised this kind of hell in days. Instead what seems to remain, why am I wallowing in evil's embrace. Whatever may be the case the downplay has started a new phase. With all of these so called infallible ways it's easy to give in post chaise yet always all this keeps coming at me sideways. It keeps leaving me feeling like I am such a disgrace. All over the fact I cannot simply erase all of my mistakes. So now, it's here that I coin a new phrase. Those with little faith, attempting to live in the shade of greys will find nothing but pain and sorrow in the shadows of their yesterdays.
3d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 12:21 AM UTC
Seriously Oh My God, I love my mother but she is driving me to the brink of sanity. when she starts to growl and yell, I use a lot of profanity She makes me want to shove a sock in her mouth then wrap It with some duct tape all around her head. WHAT MOM What was that you said. Hearing nothing but muffled madness with a bobblehead nod and shake. At this point it is starting to sound like a risk I just might have to take. At least then it will be quiet here for a little while. I hate to say this but it is highly possible that her muffled screams might just make me smile. If she's not screaming she's growling loud. You'd think she would eventually just chill constantly sitting in a cloud of smoke. Just be quiet and listen for a moment.THAT A BIG FAT NOPE she is still growling like a God ****** Bear while simultaneously yelling as loud as she possibly can. If you heard this **** for yourself day in and day out you might actually understand. Silence is supposed to be so loud It's deafening don't you know. Well obviously here that is most certainly not the way it goes. The routine continues now both night and day. No one else here seems to get a word in even if you pave the way. This is going to make me sound so **** bad but Mom really needs a gag made from duct tape and a rag. I love her so much but when she constantly yells she sounds like a delusional old hag. I have no doubt this rhyme is wrong as hell but I promise you it's better than listening to a Hippie yell. I have to find a way to save myself. If for nothing else but the sake of my fragile mental health. The only other time she isn't making all that racket is when she's got a glass **** in mouth, jaws just like a rachet. She may possibly be possessed by an ignorant demon, but sadly enough I don't have the skill to dispatch it. Why does she always seem to drive my *** bat **** It makes me sick to think that she may never quit. This probably isn't the best way, but as far as solutions go this may very well be it. yell so loud it's penetrates the thickest crowd. Growl low rather mean for way too long and I promise I'll be walking around in a daze because I checked out and so long now I have been almost all the way gone. It's more than just a slight possibility that if that happens, I'm never coming back. It not a possibility or even a probability it's no brag just a straight fact. My whole family is just as ******* disturbed as they are cracked. Cracked so bad they have a shell that's all busted ruff. Now if only mom would voluntarily just shut the **** up
5d ago
May 29, 2026 at 8:25 PM UTC
Better watch out sitting there running your mouth, I promise you this situation can quickly go south. You might just end up getting your dumb *** knocked the **** out. I'm quite corrupt so **** cold, I'm a renegade with a **** hole I'm dark dead soul. Matched with a smart *** attitude and a temper that's almost impossible to be controlled. I believe I'm now too old to go rogue and too young to attempt to go ghost. So instead I'm like a parasite that is stuck feeding on its host. This story has been told like it's a demented fairy tale. I'm fairly certain that I possess just enough skill to sell it very well. It's almost like I've been cursed and I'm under some evil sorcerer magic spell. I harbor so many secrets that I dare to never tell. Just as I'm watching for the fiery flames that flare up in my own private hell, I spin in circles until I start feeling rather unwell trying my best not to get dizzy and fall into these worlds that seem to be somehow parallel. I am pretty sure when I was made they broke the mold, So I'll just stand here after I lock and load , trying to hide all these bodies I. the cracks of my moral code. The pressure has me feeling like my skin is too tight and soon I'll just explode. My raw emotions and fatal feelings have already been exposed. Teetering on the brink of yet another psychotic episode, I woke up with a sawed off gripped tightly in my
hold. The question is now what kind of terror would be bestowed, if ran at someone even if I was unprovoked no doubt to torture I've been predisposed with my mental illness that have went undiagnosed. I've been pigeonholed on straight overload like I'm about to overdose. The location of the Graves that belong to the corpses that have already been decomposed has been undisclosed. Maybe you should just step back and watch the horror unfold. I have danger in my veins it leaves me feeling volatile twisted thoughts rattling loudly inside my skull echoing in this empty hull. That's what triggers something quite Phenomenal. I go into beast mode like a snowman that's abdominal after that I am completely unstoppable It's really is Methodical and Improbable leading to these homicides that are Unsolvable
6d ago
May 28, 2026 at 11:14 PM UTC
all my life I have been severely depressed, feeling rather like I've been possessed, even though my demons have long since been oppressed here just longing to be lovingly caressed. Out of all the issues I have that should really be addressed situations assessed to be hard pressed really isn't that far fetched. misdirect my intellect making it that much harder for me to connect to the souls that I worked hard to collect. these broken memories that in your mind have be etched, but as you self analyze the harder you inspect the further back you look and try to just reflect. I invest in the inept defect that I regret wedged in cement edged into descent I know I should probably repent but that would depend on how bad I want salvation and to what extent. all my **** life I have been severely depressed walking around like I have been possessed but my demons have been oppressed. This whole time I have just set and obsessed over these issues that desperately need to be addressed. Fixing these situations that really should be assessed. it's not that far fetched I'm hard pressed. my limits have been so tightly stretched that I'm distressed weighted down with emotions unexpressed I feel so insignificant like a insect that I become the very poison that ingest. the unbridled passions I have that have gone unregulated and unchecked have made such a mess but what did you expect. thus unadulterated evil begins to slowly infect and these negative thoughts start to infest Seriously color me unimpressed. which consequences are you willing to accept? Did these drugs leave yo the wit. your desired effect. I know my inner child I did badly neglect. I doubt it or at least so I suspect. I don't ok I'm ow what the hell someone expects me to believe I know what monsters my own mind can conceive. No more tricks up my **** sleeve it's about time of me to leave. The inhumane thoughts I find that often I entertain are something that no matter how I try I could never explain. I am still here and still writhing in unrelenting pain. My eyes are hazel green so I can't be another blue eyed ***** crying on the rain trying my best to just shoulder this shame. it's really kind of sad that I'have forgotst how many lies have sold, and how many you alone have bought. Im just a villain trying not to end up getting caught I'm discombobulated and more than a little distract. My reality is a fracture, always someone attempting to be the one to capture this cow that has already been put out to pasture. You're an endentured servent and Ill play your master waiting for the coming rapture swinging wildly from. the ******* rafter. I have to run so much faster to catch up to the things I am after. from the shadows echoes a ****** laughter. I am a highly skilled trapper, that sounds like a profane rapper busting a capper to this beat that's a real toe tapper. Looking just as debinearnear as you do dapper a real old school scrapper broken hearted sitting on the crapper. Haunted by the ghosts that I got when my heroes I did trade, the pen is still so much mightier than the sharped stainless steel blade yet here ai am just a lonely renegade that's on a quest to go on one more escapade. As for. this yellow brick road I have strayed. like a flickering flame starting to go out It's time I should fade. erasing all these stupid mistakes I have made. To my God above me I have prayed that I the winds of fate can somehow be swayed as the enviable seems to always be delayed.
I have written every word and every verse, to be like me is a curse, I know before things get better it always gets so much worse So I am demented and rather perverse. yelling out to the nothingness that surrounds like what ever I have to say is so **** profound. I'm don't feel like ever coming down. if you really want to find out go ahead and **** around, and ounce of prevention is worth more than the cure by the pound. this silence is a deafening sound and I am trying to sever these ties to which I am bound. My skies are dark and tragically grey, everything is in such discord and disarray that I am not the person you seem to think I protray. I myself I always to betray. when the monsters that are starting to just decompose, already know full well just how this story really goes. a flower by any other name smells nothing like a rose. watch the meandering River and the way it flows. For I have been frozen in a single moment in time always looking for everything I doubt I will ever find. traveling on beyond the parameters of my own **** mind. Lost in addiction so deep that I pray to the Lord my very soul to keep. while I am sitting here just fighting this sleep. Off this mortal coil I feel as if I should leap. sowing exactly whatever I did reap, when I had no doubt how bad my intentions have reeked. This whole time I have fought theses tears that taste so bittersweet attempting to make myself whole so I didn't feel quite so incomplete, while I secretly have attempted to render myself completely obsolete
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 3:21 AM UTC
Just ask me and maybe I will tell you, then again maybe not
Death's bouquet doesn't begin to cover up the stentch of the rot
How many lies have I sold? I don't know. How many have you bought?
I have no doubt that it was probably a whole lot
I'm discombobulated and more than a little distraught
Trying to remember all the lessons I already forgot
I always seem to crash and burn in a hell of a tail spin
Never have I ever been comfortable just sitting here in my own **** skin
I not only do not remember where I'm going but I have forgotten where I have been
All I know is **** it, here we go once again
The air perfumed with the scent of *** and sin
I'm just as ****** up now as I ever really was way back when
I travel on beyond the parameters of my very disturbed mind
searching for the things that I personally believe I'll never find
Always in the sinister darkness stumbling like I am blind
As I try and sever all the **** ties that are said to bind
Jurt as I have truly burned, I have perished and I have even pined
choking on these oh so fatal feelings, on which for so long now I have dined.
So many perplexing questions I constantly seem to ponder
The question is do the answers make me feel any stronger
All these **** creatures I seemed to accidentally conjure
To me are the very ones that are hardest of all conquer
There are many times where I have been sure that I was going to be a goner
Either way I would have met my fate and few to glory with honor
**** I really do miss my ride or die, my very die to ride
There seems to be no one left, in which I care to even confide
My all thoughts that all too frequently turn to homicide
**** Billy Wayne I wish like hell you that you hadn't died
feels so weird without my cuz standing here right by my side
in the shadows of this weird cloud I now attempt to hide
hiding all these **** tears that I've denied I ever cried
I have no problems telling you flat out that I'm writhing in unbearable pain
Theat could be why every symbol I utter drips with much disdain
These inhumane thoughts I find that I often seem to entertain
I just simply cannot ever begin to even try to explain
my eyes are hazel green so I cannot be just another blue eyed ***** crying in the rain
that's why everything I attempt to write is explicit and profane
It is what it is though and that's definitely all it's ever going to be
I surely do not give a flying **** if you tend to disagree
It is highly unlikely that I will ever feel any kind of Sympathy
I am begging anyone and everyone to come save myself from. the very likes of me
I'm Standing here completely lost among the dust and the debris, ever so quietly
just completely eaten all the way up by my extreme anxiety
my patience is growing thin and it's always in such a short supply
Dark and gray is my very dismal and extremely tragic sky
As I always seem to run into myself chasing spirits and smoke clouds without even knowing why
Smile plastered on my unrecognizable face as I come riding right by
wishing that I had some wings so that maybe I could really fly
instead of just rising to the very occasion as I get ******* high
off of this yellow brick road it's time for me to journey into the clear blue
Do not attempt to stand there and judge me like some people try to do
you really do not have any idea what kind of horrors I have lived though
The people that I actually trust, believe me there are very fucking few
To be honest there is probably only just one or two
if one of them isn't even me what makes you think the other one could ever be you
I'm hella throwed off that much I say is **** straight
Yet I'm still the captain of my ship and the master of my fate
Even though the things I constantly contemplate make it that much harder for me to concentrate
All my life I lived half *** on sedate constantly trying my best to self medicate
So maybe all of this anguish and turmoil I can finally
alleviate
before from all my well laid plans I start just to Deviate
So here's to all the terrors that have already been told
the older I grow. I grow more corrupt and so very **** cold
All of my inner most secrets have already been exposed
Good, bad and indifferent all are juxtaposed
like this mental situation that has just never been properly Diagnosed
As I am living with the ghosts of all the monsters that have decomposed
Falling from the sky in reverse right back into every pain filled yesterday
Why does every line that I write have to sound so cliche
The bad intentions and horrible ideas I attempt to purvey
Like a flickering flame that is just starting to fade away
Here in this silence the gunshots echo and the bullets ricochet
That's why nothing that appears to be golden never really seems to stay.
I have said just what I have meant and I meant just what I said
The disease of addiction from what I have seen is completely wide spread
The complications rattle on quiet loudly inside of my head
Especially when I'm staring at my ceiling while laying wide awake in my bed
If you are looking for Mercy or decency I haven't a shred
living my entire life like I have always been about three fourths dead
That's it this poem is now quite fin. it's over and done
Things are much more difficult now that I'm no longer young and dumb
I was always told I'd die tired if ever I dared try to run
I might as well be spinning spinning spun, who knows me better than me, none
Fit to be tied must be my silver streaked tongue
yet another sorrow filled chapter of my life's story has just begun
May 26
May 26, 2026 at 7:11 PM UTC
Not many people can catch my drift, my entire life has been a hard left shift, it's only with a twist that I even still exist. The pain I buried inside, is no longer the only thing I hide.. after being lost in the darkness for so long, I'm more than just a little bit gone. Some might say that I am touched, but I don't think I've been disturbed that much. Just let me try to explain
, I'm only crazy when I go sane. Of course that when I tend to go off chain. and let this world of mine go up im flame. I'm telling you not to cross that line, you don't want to feel this wrath of mine. I can't really describe how I actually feel. Not when nothing even feels real.. I am here right behind the scene, walking around in what feels like some kind of dream.. Yet I don't feel like I'm asleep as I am running with my demons deep..
Theres nothing colder than my soul, whenever I rock this **** bowl . Rocking it steady and slow just so I don't lose control.. If like a speed demon I quickly race away. Then you know that I can no longer hold these monsters at bay. I would run like hell if I were you, because sooner or later evil is going to break clean through. Don't close your eyes or else your very own demise might come as a surprise. Otherwise I will Sympathize as you end up a Sacrifice.
Crushed underneath the pending doom of the end coming way too **** soon, I am in pain, I'm writhing Hell I don't even know how I have been surviving Yet here I am just thriving, with all the chaos that is now arriving.
It's way too late to save myself from the likes of me, can you not see, that I attack internally,, killing from within. It matters not where I am going or even where I have been, the air has been perfumed with the scent of *** and sin. No wonder I have always been so uncomfortable in my own **** skin,.
The pen is usually mightier than the stainless steel blade, just a the wind whispers in its serenade, I have already been laid gently in my grave.
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 12:43 PM UTC
Once I thought maybe this was just some passing phase, a temporary fall from grace. Yet to this drug I am still very much a slave, and perhaps I am headed right for the grave. I have barely slept 10 whole minutes in 8 straight days. Completely twisting myself up in all kinds of ways, standing here watching as the brilliant blaze flashes bright before it fades.
Masterfully distorting precious memories, this demon lies constantly as it deceives. It's amazing how most everyone believes, that they are truly at ease in the familiarity of this disease. Keeping such nefarious tendencies hidden beneath so many degrees. Yet it leaves no apologies for the hell it will soon unleash.
Don't ask me how I know but the very first to always go, is the most unsuspecting soul. Growing so much colder the older it does grow, no doubt for so long now, just spiraling out of control, It desperately attempts to pull you down deep below, further still into its firey inferno,.
The concept can certainly be hard to grasp as it is truly an evil that has been unmatched, In its clutches all your hopes will be dashed. Just know that the moment you feel yourself being snatched, that it has just that fast, already permanently attached, The hell that awaits you is untapped, leaving you eternally trapped. Left in an unrelenting pain that forever seems to last.
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 2:35 AM UTC