As I struggle so badly to write out these thoughts
I focus on the steady ticking of the clock
I’ve tried to keep everything together by hiding behind walls
but I still find myself unraveling
I chose to numb myself
and in turn lost some of the traits that I adored of myself
It’s time to **** off the deadweight
Aug 1, 2019
Aug 1, 2019 at 5:21 PM UTC
What went wrong? How was I so dumb?
To think I was good enough for you & we could fall in love
You could never be my soulmate
Because you curse your soul each time you rage
I used to have these crystal dreams of a future with you in them
Now I wish they never popped into my head
Blurring, stirring, twisting & turning these thoughts in my mind
You're words keep stealing this desperate happiness of mine
Chiseling your way to the core of my threshold
And when I break, I promise you'll have NO control
Thoughts of disgust & hopelessness fill my body
When you get dramatic with me in the hotel lobby
Filled with depression & anger, it's a vicious chain
You detox, then relapse & I don't want this pain
You're into trashing your brain with harsh drugs
So that you can tell me to go run off with the "plugs"
I'm so ******* sick & tired of your pain, anger & devastation
But here i foolishly am, still taking this humiliation
You are becoming toxic before my very eyes
And I won't stand by as you tell me all these lies
You try to speak, but all I hear is the same vile song
You're throwing me to the wolves but i'll come back stronger
And I've been hiding Carmen for so long
But neither of us could care any longer
But when I'm back, I won't come back for you
I refuse to feel that same feeling of the miserable blue
I am not her, I will never be her
So I will not be treated as if I am her
And you will see when I'm gone,
I Was Never Her
Jun 6, 2017
Jun 6, 2017 at 4:50 PM UTC
In this designer bag I have a one-way ticket to the place where the monsters go
under this expensive make up,
no blood just ice that flows
beneath a stoic exterior lies a girl feeling so low
She looks to the frozen Earth for comfort,
but nothing in the ground can grow
the sun is gone as her heart turns cold
You can see her hurt manifest into anger
when her eyes turn black as crow
she's dangerous when she's alone
Jan 9, 2017
Jan 9, 2017 at 9:09 PM UTC
Lately i have found this new freedom
I haven't felt this in so long,
I almost don't know what to do with it
I am happy but I get real sad
Usually my own body makes me feel so bad
I've got a bad disease
even though I am free
and i belong to me
time for renovations
time for restoration
i will be okay, i will be better
get ready for a new lady, can't wait until you've met her
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 10:43 PM UTC
I can feel anxiety planting seeds in my spinal cavity
I can sense it ruining my human anatomy
It ravishes my body, leaving me drained
it steals my emotions, leaving me with nothing but pain
I am quietly, patiently waiting for the day
when Death will visit & take me away
I long to kiss him
I long to be with him
He's the one to placate my soul
To him I relinquish all control
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 8:59 PM UTC
tell me u adore me, tell me that I'm cute
ur so god **** handsome in the ur all black suit
walking thru cemetery gates
for picnics and painting dates
hypnotizing cat eyes
I've got black hair and 9 lives
admiring you with my tongue
all thru the night while the darkness hums
I love you the way the sirens love their men
I love u a million times and all over again
if you fall out of love
i will show u a war path
I'm a serial killer
i just might love you a lil too much
Sep 5, 2016
Sep 5, 2016 at 11:09 PM UTC
Welcome to the Mad House
U shall go crazy in all the rights ways
Where your mind will never be found
but your soul might stick around
The Savage and daddy's little Hellion
Hold onto your ***** & kiss sanity goodbye
For this, my dear, is gonna be a bumpy ride
Sep 5, 2016
Sep 5, 2016 at 10:49 PM UTC
The sun is gone, the Earth is rotting
I'm so afraid of being forgotten
I don't care about much
love, hobbies, life, all that and such
We tend to use our words as weapons
No one can express love for their blessings
I'm locked away in a broken mind
There's no happiness that I can find
I lay still on the ground
lost, hopeless just waiting to be found
will you help me please
I have a bad disease
melancholy is my best friend
her and i together until the end
Aug 15, 2016
Aug 15, 2016 at 2:30 PM UTC
Our breakfast is *******
But he loves me for my Berkley brain
Make great love to me
Lay me down until I can't see
It used to be just novacane for the pain
Until he saved me from a life of strain
Ive begun smiling in my sleep
Roll over and pillow talk to me
The Bonnie to his Clyde
We've been swimming in each other's mind
I've fallen in love with his redruM
He's got me right under his thumb
Riding on the back of his black bike
I've dreamt of this love, its ghostlike
Aug 3, 2016
Aug 3, 2016 at 9:13 AM UTC
Stand down n let me crash
I promise when it's over I will always come back
a weaponized language
my words, so lethal n unsung
a steel tongue to slice you apart
and a mouth to speak poison into ur crystal heart
no matter how far away
no matter the things that i say
I have always loved your way
forgive me for all the wounds
I am sorry for all of our doom
through every fight i have fueled
I have always loved you
but maybe, my darling baby
I can still be ur striking lady
Jan 8, 2016
Jan 8, 2016 at 5:11 PM UTC