My hair's growing out again, it's been a while since I last
cut it but I think it's growing at about the same rate as
my plans, slow and deliberate and always
changing.
I'm sifting through old boxes of things that don't even belong to me,
last year's receipts and photographs, documents of where
I've been and maybe suggesting something
about routine and habit, for I am just a compilation
of reflexive behaviors, I rise at 7, I live my life in patterns and I begin to realize
that whatever I let live in this space is going to become a part of that pattern, so maybe
evolution will take its toll in the form of me cutting
some people's resources,
cause I think I need my air a lot more
than they do these days.
I sit on a dock and dip my feet in the water, it's humid and the bugs
are biting but I always liked the way the water looks
at sunset, so I stay. I'm wondering what
this place will look like in a few years (or ten), whenever
I return from a destination I haven't yet settled on. I'm hoping
it will be the same and will be able to give me some semblance
of certainty, but who knows
what ten years will bring? I don't think I'll
know myself in ten years, isn't it funny how I'll be a different person and yet still
tied to the old sentimentality of having lived
in this body and inhabited this headspace for so long?
My hair will have grown out, my skin will be less tanned by sun
my mental capacity greater and more thorough
I will have degrees and publications
but I will always belong to this place, because somewhere in my mushy-feely heart, a young girl
still runs barefoot in the mud and chases
fireflies around a campfire. No matter where I end
up someday, I have roots in this soil and it's making me
melancholy
to think of time slipping through my fingers like that. I've been chasing
the thought of death lately, why I can't
make my peace with it, maybe it's cause I'm so young and haven't
lived enough, but we don't ever really know how much time
we've borrowed until it's time to pay back.
Chase these thoughts around and around again, I'm numbing
to the sun and the sound of other's voices, I think it's time to
get me out of my head and I hope that I get a taste of
that sweet high again
soon.
May 26, 2018
May 26, 2018 at 12:16 PM UTC
osing you was like a flowers petals wistfully wilting away.
losing you was like the sun disappearing for the sky full of sorrow to pour rain.
losing you was like a tree losing its leaves to become nothing but an empty reminder of what once was there.
losing you was like reading a book to find out that the last page was missing.
losing you was like never finding the answer to a question or never finding your way out of a maze.
knowing you was a dream and losing you was a nightmare and I don't know if I'm ever going to wake up.
Apr 22, 2018
Apr 22, 2018 at 3:40 PM UTC
i miss the way we'd converse about anything and everything in this humongous universe
i miss the promises you'd make and the faith i had in you to keep them
i miss seeing your emerald green eyes and thinking that they held constellations inside
i miss the way you'd turn the darkest nights into a day full of sunshine and rainbows so effortlessly
i miss the way you made me forget everything playing on my mind
i miss you
Apr 12, 2018
Apr 12, 2018 at 1:24 PM UTC
When you smile it's like a ray of sunshine but it always gets clouded with your insecurities and then you begin to rain on your own parade. I don't understand how someone like you can even hate yourself with such a burning passion that it could fuel a war because **** whenever I look at you, I see someone with the most caring and honest soul that couldn't ever be purer. You hold a heart that's been a victim of collateral damage, it's been bruised and scarred yet you still care and love with every fibre of your being. Your eyes are something completely out of this world. They're the sort of grey that reminds you of smoke in a clear blue sky and it's sad how they instantly pollute themselves with tears at night because you're simply too special. Your eyes could fill a galaxy with stars that would never burn out because that's how strong, mesmerising and powerful they are. Your voice is somewhat captivating and your shy giggles light me up inside because it's a symbol of your happiness which is what I'm always longing to see. I hate it when you speak such vile and poisonous things about yourself because the words you use to describe yourself are the exact opposite of my description of who you are. Everything about you is compelling. You're almost extraterrestrial but even that doesn't define how special you are.
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 11:04 AM UTC
Meeting you was like drizzle on a sunlit day. When the rays of that big ball of fire up there meet with the opaque droplets of acid shooting down upon the mere ground. A rainbow lit up the sky and I thought I could call you mine but then slowly and suddenly the colours disintegrated into the sky and as soon as the rainbow disappeared you were nowhere to be found. The clouds filled with grey appeared and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach because I knew you weren't ever coming back.
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 10:58 AM UTC