My hair's growing out again, it's been a while since I last
cut it but I think it's growing at about the same rate as
my plans, slow and deliberate and always
changing.
I'm sifting through old boxes of things that don't even belong to me,
last year's receipts and photographs, documents of where
I've been and maybe suggesting something
about routine and habit, for I am just a compilation
of reflexive behaviors, I rise at 7, I live my life in patterns and I begin to realize
that whatever I let live in this space is going to become a part of that pattern, so maybe
evolution will take its toll in the form of me cutting
some people's resources,
cause I think I need my air a lot more
than they do these days.
I sit on a dock and dip my feet in the water, it's humid and the bugs
are biting but I always liked the way the water looks
at sunset, so I stay. I'm wondering what
this place will look like in a few years (or ten), whenever
I return from a destination I haven't yet settled on. I'm hoping
it will be the same and will be able to give me some semblance
of certainty, but who knows
what ten years will bring? I don't think I'll
know myself in ten years, isn't it funny how I'll be a different person and yet still
tied to the old sentimentality of having lived
in this body and inhabited this headspace for so long?
My hair will have grown out, my skin will be less tanned by sun
my mental capacity greater and more thorough
I will have degrees and publications
but I will always belong to this place, because somewhere in my mushy-feely heart, a young girl
still runs barefoot in the mud and chases
fireflies around a campfire. No matter where I end
up someday, I have roots in this soil and it's making me
melancholy
to think of time slipping through my fingers like that. I've been chasing
the thought of death lately, why I can't
make my peace with it, maybe it's cause I'm so young and haven't
lived enough, but we don't ever really know how much time
we've borrowed until it's time to pay back.
Chase these thoughts around and around again, I'm numbing
to the sun and the sound of other's voices, I think it's time to
get me out of my head and I hope that I get a taste of
that sweet high again
soon.
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018 at 4:12 PM UTC
My hair's growing out again, it's been a while since I last
cut it but I think it's growing at about the same rate as
my plans, slow and deliberate and always
changing.
I'm sifting through old boxes of things that don't even belong to me,
last year's receipts and photographs, documents of where
I've been and maybe suggesting something
about routine and habit, for I am just a compilation
of reflexive behaviors, I rise at 7, I live my life in patterns and I begin to realize
that whatever I let live in this space is going to become a part of that pattern, so maybe
evolution will take its toll in the form of me cutting
some people's resources,
cause I think I need my air a lot more
than they do these days.
I sit on a dock and dip my feet in the water, it's humid and the bugs
are biting but I always liked the way the water looks
at sunset, so I stay. I'm wondering what
this place will look like in a few years (or ten), whenever
I return from a destination I haven't yet settled on. I'm hoping
it will be the same and will be able to give me some semblance
of certainty, but who knows
what ten years will bring? I don't think I'll
know myself in ten years, isn't it funny how I'll be a different person and yet still
tied to the old sentimentality of having lived
in this body and inhabited this headspace for so long?
My hair will have grown out, my skin will be less tanned by sun
my mental capacity greater and more thorough
I will have degrees and publications
but I will always belong to this place, because somewhere in my mushy-feely heart, a young girl
still runs barefoot in the mud and chases
fireflies around a campfire. No matter where I end
up someday, I have roots in this soil and it's making me
melancholy
to think of time slipping through my fingers like that. I've been chasing
the thought of death lately, why I can't
make my peace with it, maybe it's cause I'm so young and haven't
lived enough, but we don't ever really know how much time
we've borrowed until it's time to pay back.
Chase these thoughts around and around again, I'm numbing
to the sun and the sound of other's voices, I think it's time to
get me out of my head and I hope that I get a taste of
that sweet high again
soon.
wow I'm great at not picking a train of thought to stick to lol