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spooningthemoon
19/Trans Female
i used to dream of you bursting into the hearth shivering as i drape a red blanket round you. i used to dream of you leaning into languid eazy gold warmth from the crackling fire built for you. awoken to dead ash i wished you were buried in ice.
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Apr 6, 2019
Apr 6, 2019 at 10:23 PM UTC
you
was it for the lichens growing on my pleached entrails that you came, scavenging like caribou on pilgrimage to the wintering ground?
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Feb 25, 2019
Feb 25, 2019 at 10:38 PM UTC
the wintering grounds
last time we saw each other we made love. now we don’t even make conversation.
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Feb 25, 2019
Feb 25, 2019 at 2:54 AM UTC
it's weird.
white hot ecstasy                                     molting skins grinding slower, i                     puttering to halt. remember:                             the grubby larva                             sawing its way out of my                                    putrid flesh cocoon.                 after worms love,                 we rotten husks                 never know one                 another.      silence is all ever known.
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Feb 23, 2019
Feb 23, 2019 at 9:23 PM UTC
...
somewhere on the isle of my dreams, under the palm beach leaves, between the sea, the breeze, and the golden darts of Sol; i will find your fingers, thread mine around them. stay close to you evermore.
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Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 7:58 PM UTC
i - 11:13
maybe it’s the way you glued together all the broken pieces i would show you. maybe it’s the way you shattered them                         all over again and told me “I’ll be back when you’re whole.”
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Jan 4, 2019
Jan 4, 2019 at 10:32 PM UTC
nvm
if i have a nature it is the eucalyptus forests of california, of portugal. the forest whose burning seeds and bark fly like spittle from the mouth of a rabid raccoon. if i have a nature it is the trees in central park living on a token plot in a jungle of someone else’s design. if i have a nature it is the evergreen that chokes on holly, smothered by the weight of its peers. but nature is always changing. and so, if i have a nature it is a conifer heaving a gasp and another despite the hands at its throat. it is the grass growing in the cracks of the concrete jungle, reclaiming its home. it is the flower, clawing through the ash of those who came before to turn and face the sun if i have a nature it is dreaming it is pleading it is vowing alongside the germinating green Upright. Upright.
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Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 1:54 AM UTC
nature
my thoughts are peanut butter sticking to the roof of my head when i can’t find a glass of milk. my voice is like syrup sticking in my throat, never pouring out of the empty cracks anxiety’s tendrils coil around my ribs and spur my heart to run another year’s drag race.
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Jan 1, 2019
Jan 1, 2019 at 1:46 AM UTC
new year, no me
I have a smile on my face and it feels right, too. A smile so big it makes my cheeks hurt! A smile I can’t erase because you, because you, because you I’m almost always sad but I talk to you and the world seems brighter; a world so bright it’s like walking on the sun. Around you things never seem as bad, and I feel like my body’s a lot lighter. Because you, because you, because you You only see me as a friend, but I love you so dearly I kiss you every morning in my mind’s eye. And every night, I pull my sheets close to me in crude imitations of your embrace. Even so, it really doesn’t matter to me because the brightness of the world you’ve given me lives in my body. Dimly, faintly it shines. It’s you, it’s you, it’s you The ember of the earth itself has been placed in my beating heart, thawing old permafrost wounds. And thanks to its warmth, the old buried seeds of my joy have been coaxed to growth. Because of you, because of you, because of you As my new feet take root in the soil of my life, the light of my love for you makes me a flower that breathes the same warm, restoring flame that I tremulously blew from the ember you gave me. It won’t matter if all I have left someday is an amber hued ashen ember, and if the fire in my heart burns to nothing at all, or even if I am lost to glowing light of the world. It wouldn’t matter if the petals of the flower you turned me to wilted and fell. Still all I had I would give you, Because it’s you, because it’s you, because it’s you. And maybe on that day, I would make you a living, fiery flower too.
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Jan 1, 2019
Jan 1, 2019 at 1:42 AM UTC
NSL101299
I have a smile on my face and it feels right, too. A smile so big it makes my cheeks hurt! A smile I can’t erase because you, because you, because you I’m almost always sad but I talk to you and the world seems brighter; a world so bright it’s like walking on the sun. Around you things never seem as bad, and I feel like my body’s a lot lighter. Because you, because you, because you You only see me as a friend, but I love you so dearly I kiss you every morning in my mind’s eye. And every night, I pull my sheets close to me in crude imitations of your embrace. Even so, it really doesn’t matter to me because the brightness of the world you’ve given me lives in my body. Dimly, faintly it shines. It’s you, it’s you, it’s you The ember of the earth itself has been placed in my beating heart, thawing old permafrost wounds. And thanks to its warmth, the old buried seeds of my joy have been coaxed to growth. Because of you, because of you, because of you As my new feet take root in the soil of my life, the light of my love for you makes me a flower that breathes the same warm, restoring flame that I tremulously blew from the ember you gave me. It won’t matter if all I have left someday is an amber hued ashen ember, and if the fire in my heart burns to nothing at all, or even if I am lost to glowing light of the world. It wouldn’t matter if the petals of the flower you turned me to wilted and fell. Still all I had I would give you, Because it’s you, because it’s you, because it’s you. And maybe on that day, I would make you a living, fiery flower too.
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42
I sit and stare at blank white what, I wonder, shall I type? Is there anything that can set me write? Until static fills my head and cosmic background radiation drones through my radio station fingers, I have nothing. I am nothing. Why do I have to drink to right?
0
Jan 1, 2019
Jan 1, 2019 at 1:40 AM UTC
I had to drink to break my writer's block