It’s been another year
of loving you
of hating you
and trying to forgive you.
Apr 26, 2019
Apr 26, 2019 at 11:27 PM UTC
I've hated you for a lot of things over the years, but for few things as much as this. I hate you for making me say goodbye to you, again.
You must not understand how hard it was for me to say goodbye the first time.
May 7, 2018
May 7, 2018 at 9:00 PM UTC
For a long time, I hated you. I hated you for not loving me like I loved you. I hated you for making me stand by and watch you with her. I hated you.
Then I let you go. I let you go because I needed to move on. I let you go because I didn't like who I was when I was with you. I let you go because I couldn't take it anymore.
Then you came back. I still hate you. I hate you for being selfish. I hate you for making me question how much I have changed since you left. I hate you for making me miss you again.
I'm waiting to be indifferent.
May 7, 2018
May 7, 2018 at 8:58 PM UTC
I would do anything for you, and I always thought that you would do the same for me. But now, I'm not so sure.
I'm full of doubt. I'm terrified. Terrified of losing the person that's the most important to me. I want to run, like I used to. But I'm in too deep.
I am all in. I opened myself completely to you. You've seen parts of me that no one ever has. And you brought out the best in me.
I don't know what changed, but I want it to go back to the way it was.
Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 2:21 PM UTC
I told you that I was broken
That I didn't do this often
That I didn't believe in love.
But I loved you with an incredible love
It was a once in a lifetime love
A love I never wanted to give up.
I wish I could take back those words
The beginning of the end
And just go back to the way it were.
I feel broken again
The urge to run returns
And I'm afraid you won't chase me.
Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 2:17 PM UTC
37 seconds
that's all it took before I hung up the phone
that's all it took for me to see that you didn't care
at least not like you used to
so much silence
normally our silence is comfortable and filled with love
normally our silence breaks with laughter
but not this time
we said that we were ok
we said that we were gonna be fine
so how then does everything feel so broken
Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 10:58 AM UTC
There is something so poetic
and humbling
about an old man playing with hot wheels cars
to pass the time,
to forget about growing old,
to forget that he forgets everyone around him,
even those that used to be everything.
It's peaceful and innocent,
and child-like.
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 6:17 PM UTC
I always had to remind myself
You were with her.
You chose her.
I went with you to get the ring.
And how inappropriate
That I be there
With you
To pick a ring
For her.
I told myself I wouldn't
Not anymore
I couldn't.
My heart couldn't take it.
Yet over
and over
I did.
And now I think of her.
And you.
And your son.
Her son.
Your family.
And then there's me.
Mar 23, 2014
Mar 23, 2014 at 8:42 PM UTC
I feel
For once, I really feel
I feel love
And life
And like everything makes sense
I want you
I need you
But I'm afraid to admit
I hang on
I'm holding tight
To that last piece of me
The ultimate vulnerability
Those three words
I can't say
Though it doesn't mean that I don't
I will that you know
That I feel for you
Things I thought not possible
Open and warm and alive
Instead of dead and cold
Closed to the world
I want so badly to say
I love you
But I can't
I'm still me
Mar 23, 2014
Mar 23, 2014 at 8:31 PM UTC
In just one breath
You speak words I thought I'd never hear
Just one breath
One drunken breath
Those three little words that should mean the most
You might not remember saying them
But you did, and I did too
And everyday I cling to those words
Those intoxicating words
As I start to question, like I always do
I replay those words over in my head
As we grow further and further apart
As we start to avoid saying those words again
It makes me wonder
If we ever meant them
And I write
I furiously scribble words on paper
Words of emotion, frustration, and anger
Anger with you
Anger with myself
The words I write, they liberate
They make me feel
The written word creates a world of emotion
That spoken word never could
I live vicariously on pen and paper
As I sit cold,
And silent
Hanging on those last words.
Feb 6, 2014
Feb 6, 2014 at 5:38 PM UTC