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sar
sar
I'm just a seventeen year old Texas queen stuck in a dream that tastes of whiskey + nicotine. #illhueminati
Poems2
Followers11
Words309
When you get the news that I've left swinging from a noose to rid my head of not only the blood but all the terrible thoughts you put in with your gun shots of cruel words + icy empty eyes. Don't you dare act like you ever gave half a **** or like you'll miss my presence, or how you'll crave my skin upon yours again. Don't you ******* dare scream out to the world how you miss me so or explain how I'd lend you my broken pieces to try + fix you + help you be less broken. When I was truly the broken one - broken into a million pieces - inside + out. No, please. Please, don't you dare leave just yet. These are my last words. Don't you dare interrupt me, this time. I beg, it'd be best if you'd just shut the **** up. + listen to me, for once. Yes, you're going to finally hear me out, for once. Just please, I deserve to be listened to, for once. This is your fault. I want or more so need you to know that. I mean, you know everything else. You knew I was broken. + you knew I was hurt. + you knew I was lost. + you knew I needed your help, but I was not good enough. I was too berserk. Maybe what people say is true, maybe people are worth more dead than they were alive. Don't you dare put this paper down, + give up on me, again. I've drained my heart + soul into this pen + I've allowed this pen to dance freely on this piece of paper. You will soak up every word, for me. + taste every syllable, for me. + I will be watching + I will be hoping you fall apart just as I did. Comical how things work out, isn't it? sh, calm down. Stop blaming my insanity. Baby, you did this to us, not me. I'm so sorry. I will not be vicious during your downfall like you were towards me during mine. I can explain this. I can justify this. I can show you why. All the shattered pieces that broke off of me. I've decided not to destroy these leftover pieces like I've destroyed myself. I want you to know it wasn't easy being alone being casted out + feeling lower than the mantle + I can tell this may never make sense to you. I knew it was ridiculous of me to think someone as perfect as you could help someone as helpless as myself. + I knew it was so ******* stupid of me to think someone as flawless as you would actually give a **** about someone as unimportant as me. But I know that I am a human being too just like you + I know I deserve love + attention too. How dare you? How dare you? How ******* dare you? How could you do this to me? Look what you've done. You took someone who was already crushed + you picked her up + you allowed her to feel a new type of rush, but then what did you do? You dropped her, just like everyone else before you did. I had the best of intentions. When I met you I thought to myself yea I will sneak a peek + maybe blush when he looks my way so just maybe he will feel the same rush. But **** my intentions. I meant well! I truly meant well, but look where that has left me. I'm more lost than I was before you came along. Because let's forget my intentions + lets take a second to question yours. If you merely wanted to smash + dash you could have done so but instead you got to know me - the parts that weren't so pretty touching things that were not tangible + tasting memories that were sour. So, yes when I was cut open + analyzed + the person I thought was perfect didn't like what he saw + he just left without suing me back up without saying good-bye . . . I was left, bleeding out + feeling empty. But now, you understand what everyone means by "she's insane," now you believe it too. They made you believe that I was insane + now I believe it too. That's me, now. I'm insane through + through. + I cannot succeed living in the same world as them. So here, I will sacrifice myself for you. Because I realize it wasn't just you, + I need to decide who I'll give myself to. Because I can only give so much of myself to strangers who look as if they need something to keep them going until I just stop. + I've decided to stop to stop breathing to stop living to stop existing. I'm donating myself to you. Don't you dare think this is me giving myself to you as a way to show my love. I would just hate to be wasteful, + I know you're broken. + I know you know people do not belong to people, so take my ashes. I've left them all for you. When you're feeling low I know you'll grab your smokes + I know you'll grab your coffee, too. I know how you like to roll your own because it makes you feel more at home. + I know how you like to brew your own because it taste more fresh on your breath. + I know you'll be tempted to throw my ashes in. + I'd like you to know that I do not object. I actually encourage it. Because now you truly understand: that it isn't easy + that it isn't our fault + that you're morbid, too. Don't you dare forget this.
0
Jul 11, 2013
Jul 11, 2013 at 6:30 AM UTC
sar
Don't you dare.
When you get the news that I've left swinging from a noose to rid my head of not only the blood but all the terrible thoughts you put in with your gun shots of cruel words + icy empty eyes. Don't you dare act like you ever gave half a **** or like you'll miss my presence, or how you'll crave my skin upon yours again. Don't you ******* dare scream out to the world how you miss me so or explain how I'd lend you my broken pieces to try + fix you + help you be less broken. When I was truly the broken one - broken into a million pieces - inside + out. No, please. Please, don't you dare leave just yet. These are my last words. Don't you dare interrupt me, this time. I beg, it'd be best if you'd just shut the **** up. + listen to me, for once. Yes, you're going to finally hear me out, for once. Just please, I deserve to be listened to, for once. This is your fault. I want or more so need you to know that. I mean, you know everything else. You knew I was broken. + you knew I was hurt. + you knew I was lost. + you knew I needed your help, but I was not good enough. I was too berserk. Maybe what people say is true, maybe people are worth more dead than they were alive. Don't you dare put this paper down, + give up on me, again. I've drained my heart + soul into this pen + I've allowed this pen to dance freely on this piece of paper. You will soak up every word, for me. + taste every syllable, for me. + I will be watching + I will be hoping you fall apart just as I did. Comical how things work out, isn't it? sh, calm down. Stop blaming my insanity. Baby, you did this to us, not me. I'm so sorry. I will not be vicious during your downfall like you were towards me during mine. I can explain this. I can justify this. I can show you why. All the shattered pieces that broke off of me. I've decided not to destroy these leftover pieces like I've destroyed myself. I want you to know it wasn't easy being alone being casted out + feeling lower than the mantle + I can tell this may never make sense to you. I knew it was ridiculous of me to think someone as perfect as you could help someone as helpless as myself. + I knew it was so ******* stupid of me to think someone as flawless as you would actually give a **** about someone as unimportant as me. But I know that I am a human being too just like you + I know I deserve love + attention too. How dare you? How dare you? How ******* dare you? How could you do this to me? Look what you've done. You took someone who was already crushed + you picked her up + you allowed her to feel a new type of rush, but then what did you do? You dropped her, just like everyone else before you did. I had the best of intentions. When I met you I thought to myself yea I will sneak a peek + maybe blush when he looks my way so just maybe he will feel the same rush. But **** my intentions. I meant well! I truly meant well, but look where that has left me. I'm more lost than I was before you came along. Because let's forget my intentions + lets take a second to question yours. If you merely wanted to smash + dash you could have done so but instead you got to know me - the parts that weren't so pretty touching things that were not tangible + tasting memories that were sour. So, yes when I was cut open + analyzed + the person I thought was perfect didn't like what he saw + he just left without suing me back up without saying good-bye . . . I was left, bleeding out + feeling empty. But now, you understand what everyone means by "she's insane," now you believe it too. They made you believe that I was insane + now I believe it too. That's me, now. I'm insane through + through. + I cannot succeed living in the same world as them. So here, I will sacrifice myself for you. Because I realize it wasn't just you, + I need to decide who I'll give myself to. Because I can only give so much of myself to strangers who look as if they need something to keep them going until I just stop. + I've decided to stop to stop breathing to stop living to stop existing. I'm donating myself to you. Don't you dare think this is me giving myself to you as a way to show my love. I would just hate to be wasteful, + I know you're broken. + I know you know people do not belong to people, so take my ashes. I've left them all for you. When you're feeling low I know you'll grab your smokes + I know you'll grab your coffee, too. I know how you like to roll your own because it makes you feel more at home. + I know how you like to brew your own because it taste more fresh on your breath. + I know you'll be tempted to throw my ashes in. + I'd like you to know that I do not object. I actually encourage it. Because now you truly understand: that it isn't easy + that it isn't our fault + that you're morbid, too. Don't you dare forget this.
Continue reading...
206
You've made me forget why I was so guarded, + you have made me forget how it felt to be broken-hearted. You've helped me remember how it felt to love, + you have helped me remember how one can feel on cloud 9 + above. But you see, that was then + this is now. Now everything is switched; now everything is but a memory. Your memories . . . They're like toxic drugs: they give me hallucinations of comfort + joy, but they really hurt me, much more than I already was. Yet, I choose to relive them in my head. Your hugs. Your words. Your smile. Your scent. Just please. Please, make me forget you. I do not want to remember. I will not allow you to stay in me. You made me remember what you made me forget + I did not see that coming. My stupidity is no excuse. You told everyone we were only "friends," so I suppose this is where that "friendship," must end. Because you're nothing. Like a burnt-out flame or a forgotten memory. You're nothing except history that unfortunately had to repeat itself for a reason I cannot explain. But more importantly: you're nothing to me. Everyone knows history must happen for us to learn from the mistakes from the past so they will not reoccur. But what you must understand is this passage has happened to me too many times + I'm afraid I will never learn from my mistakes. The only way out of this is to burn the history book or myself. Which is easier? I have not decided.
0
Jul 9, 2013
Jul 9, 2013 at 10:38 PM UTC
sar
history
You've made me forget why I was so guarded, + you have made me forget how it felt to be broken-hearted. You've helped me remember how it felt to love, + you have helped me remember how one can feel on cloud 9 + above. But you see, that was then + this is now. Now everything is switched; now everything is but a memory. Your memories . . . They're like toxic drugs: they give me hallucinations of comfort + joy, but they really hurt me, much more than I already was. Yet, I choose to relive them in my head. Your hugs. Your words. Your smile. Your scent. Just please. Please, make me forget you. I do not want to remember. I will not allow you to stay in me. You made me remember what you made me forget + I did not see that coming. My stupidity is no excuse. You told everyone we were only "friends," so I suppose this is where that "friendship," must end. Because you're nothing. Like a burnt-out flame or a forgotten memory. You're nothing except history that unfortunately had to repeat itself for a reason I cannot explain. But more importantly: you're nothing to me. Everyone knows history must happen for us to learn from the mistakes from the past so they will not reoccur. But what you must understand is this passage has happened to me too many times + I'm afraid I will never learn from my mistakes. The only way out of this is to burn the history book or myself. Which is easier? I have not decided.
Continue reading...
49