hands press like fog
whispers curl around me
I move
I shift
I crumble
and they name me still
lazy.
wothless.
not trying.
difficult.
the sky leans too heavy
but no one hears the weight
I carry in quiet
I am a river folding in on itself
slow and relentless,
and the world keeps calling me
Feb 13
Feb 13, 2026 at 8:18 AM UTC
I love you so much
it makes me wanna
commit suicide
think of you all the time
I think I might just pass out
your face makes me dizzy
your brown eyes and soft features
such a cute sight to admire
I'll flip the system I'll make him mine
but what really makes me dizzy
is knowing
how easily I could steady him
with a look
with a word
with a command
There are things I want to do to him
that don’t start with touch
They start with silence
With eye contact that lingers too long
With the way his breath changes
when he realizes
I’m not asking
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 8:57 AM UTC
a scene keeps popping up in my head
its calling me
I lay on the ground
all alone
like I've always dreamed of
cuts all over my body
not deep
just there
I admire them
it gives me calm
music is playing
its summer
the fan is on
the music is calm and silent
like a whisper seeking through the air
I feel at peace
light leaks at the window
a soft line
knowing I cant have this angers me
it ruins everything
so I ruin myself
Feb 6
Feb 6, 2026 at 11:08 AM UTC
its only art I tell them
a knife to separate meaning
an axe to simplify the shape
blood becomes a craving
then turns to something greater
ripped forms seem honest
quiet and still skinned down
to structure no emotions
behind my eyes
so easily to stare at for
so long
I see what I can take
just enough to not
make me gag
I try to not go back
wpd
it calls me and so I go
I go back to the truth
something in me learns
just how easy it is
to keep staring
once empathy is cut out
I tell myself they deserved it
I close the tab and open it again later
not because I wanted to see it
but because I couldn't decide
what I was supposed to feel
I told myself I was testing my limits
making myself stronger
in the end I made myself scared
not of what I was watching
but what I had turned myself into
the disgust doesnt come from the screen
it comes from me
from how my face stays neutral
from how easily I can watch life end
and still think about dinner afterward
I wait for nausea
something anything
but nothing comes up
I tell myself Ill stop
I don't
not because I want more
but because I'm terrified
how easy this has become
when I close the site
their isn't relief
its suspicion
if this didn't break me
What else won't?
just what have I done to myself?
Feb 1
Feb 1, 2026 at 7:12 PM UTC
I don’t hide it well,
I just don’t show it.
I keep things where they belong—
inside, quiet,
not asking to be handled.
People think I’m not fine
because I don’t act like
everyone else
I don't correct them
That’s easier
than explaining something
I don’t want fixed.
I’m not looking for attention
or concern
or advice.
Just let me be
how I am
without trying to name it
don't fix someone
when they don't want to be fixed.
Jan 29
Jan 29, 2026 at 1:28 PM UTC
I learned God’s name
before I learned my own
I ask forgiveness for love
that has never harmed anyone
Sometimes I wonder
if Jesus would recognize the fear
we built in His name
If He would sit beside me quietly
while I learn to breathe without shame
Some days I wonder
if God is real at all
or just a voice we invented
to make us keep going
but its making me want
to stop If God is love
then maybe one day
I won’t have to choose
between heaven and myself
Jan 22
Jan 22, 2026 at 12:39 PM UTC
you killed me with your words
you spilled your lies
and boy it really hurt
to see you and her
so in love
it makes me sick
leaves cuts on my skin
and I cant take it anymore
I'll have to leave the world behind
because I'm losing my will to go on
Jan 15
Jan 15, 2026 at 12:08 PM UTC
grind me up like a rotten piece of meat
grind me up, grind me up
till there's nothing left
**** me now
eat me later
cut my skin
wear me thin
then tuck me in
tell me you're gone
then you're back
chew me up with flavor
like gum on your tongue
throw me out later
the flavors gone
feed the dead rage
**** the wrath inside
feel my skin vibrate
strings scream
through worn-out seams
what a slow bleed
I am lost in sleep
can't wake up
wont wake up
never facing reality
Jan 12
Jan 12, 2026 at 2:31 PM UTC