On the edge.
No, not close to the edge.
Right there ******
Terrifying, lovely.
Lovely, indeed.
Sublime.
I'm afraid, to be honest
of letting go and of letting in.
I'm so close to falling, yet I waiver, I wonder, I stall
I'm unsure.
I've never been so sure.
Dec 28, 2016
Dec 28, 2016 at 11:09 PM UTC
I am leaving this totally raw, not edited out parts. If you feel this may offend you, Please don't read. I needed to just vent to somebody so here we are.
I keep trying to forget about you. Not the moments we shared, just you.
I'm trying to forget the way you smelled after a quiet night of dancing.
I'm trying to forget how your eyes twinkled when you talked about your family.
I'm trying to forget the way you cared for me when I told you my darkest secret.
I'm trying to forget how your arms wrapped perfectly around my waist when we hugged.
I’m trying to forget the way you became a emotional wreck when I said I tried to **** myself.
I’m trying to forget the way your beautiful face was illuminated by the fire
I’m trying to forget the love I still have for you.
Everywhere I go I swear I see you. I was walking down the street and I prayed to god that wasn't you in the yellow 2005 punch buggy. When we talked, you only ever had the truck I helped design. Who knows though, You’ve changed since we talked last. But that look the passenger gave me, It was only a look only you could give me. I want close enough to see the two telltale signs it was you, your eyes and your scar. But that look gave me nightmares for many weeks to come. It was haunting and regretful. I could of seen things, But I swear the person said my name.
I thought I saw you today. The gas station that's right in the center of town. I saw someone in the distance and my heart beated out of my chest. I don’t know what I would've done if it was you. Cry, panic, hug you, ignore you, who knows? It’s funny how after all this time, I still can’t seem to get rid of you. What do you want from me? People used to say I was obsessed with you, I'm kinda starting to believe it. Maybe this is love, how would I know? I’m only nearly fifteen. Never been kissed or loved.
I can try and try but I won’t forget you. You’re too much of my heart and soul. You were my best friend. I told you everything, everything. When I think about you all I wanna do is cry. Why I have to go and wreck things i'm not sure. I just wanna know how you are.
Mar 8, 2016
Mar 8, 2016 at 11:04 PM UTC
for a brief moment
caught in remembering
vividly she came back to me
the sunlight on her face
strands of her reddish blonde hair
floating free in the small space between us
what words passed between us
long since faded
but the heart remembers the love
known between us that day
with a clarity that speaks so clearly to me
the heart knows what the mind fails to hear
and my heart still speaks of you to me
still sketches your beautiful face in my dreams
in such sweet living breathing quality
i cannot help but feel that i lost a world of love
when i lost you
your hand in mine
our souls still linger in each others arms
kissing tenderly and passionately like lovers do
at least that is what my heart tells me
Nov 28, 2015
Nov 28, 2015 at 7:08 AM UTC
If she asks you
If she asks you who I am, tell her. Tell her
because she is not starting a fire for an explanation but a confession.
If you tell her I was just a girl you dated
for a couple of years, she will only give you a hard time.
The hundreds of photos tagged in your outdated profile and the stack
of books with our names written will be her allies.
If you tell her I was an old friend, she will only hear
half of what you say. She will recall how you looked at places
with a tinge of regret and a shade of nostalgia. She will remember
how you skipped a certain song ― a reminder of something you’ll find an excuse
not to tell her every time the car radio is on.
If she asks you who I was, lie a little,
because she is not crossing the line for answers but for assurances.
Don’t tell her how our lips played with poetry and how we dared
to dream under the light of the taciturn satellite. Skip the part where we
fought dragons together and how we named each other’s scars.
Reserve the fact that you still keep the letters, notes, old restaurant receipts under
your drawers and some tearstained thoughts at the back of your pillow. She doesn’t need to know
why you reread past conversations or why your mother mentioned me at the family dining table
just to ask you what I have been up to.
Finally, if she asks you who I was to you, tell her you love her. Put her in the limelight
because she is testing you to pull the trigger pointed at her
But you won’t. Instead, you will tell her she’s beautiful to compensate
for the words you never had the guts to tell me. You will tell her she’s a keeper, for the hell of it.
You will tell her a poor research about human cells being replaced after seven years so that one day,
I will leave no trace on your body.
She will then forget that you mentioned my name while sleeping. She will wash the lipstick stains
on your bedsheets and remove the extra toothbrush in the shower. She will ignore the way you twitch
every time you hear a familiar author or my favorite curse word. She will fill the spaces
of your fingers and plaster kisses at the holes of your chest. She will replace every scent of me
with her own promises, insecurities, and mistakes.
She will do this. She will, because when she asked you about me,
she knew I was the ghost of the house. And at the back of your head, you wanted to tell her
that the ****** no longer need saving. But by all means,
darling, she can try.
—
A. A. Dizon
Nov 3, 2015
Nov 3, 2015 at 3:28 PM UTC
His hands are ice,
Sharp like broken glass,
But he says, "Come here,
The cold won't last."
So you hand him your heart,
With a smile on your face,
His hands are ice cold,
But your heart is in flames.
He says, "Trust me,
You'll melt me to a puddle,
Fire and ice,
We'll make such a nice couple."
So you give him your all,
With a smile on your face,
And you fall and you fall,
Toward your icy embrace.
He squeezes his hands,
With your heart inside,
He didn't melt, put your flames out,
But you smile and say everything's fine.
Then you say, "That's okay,
My flame comes from within.
I'll take my frozen broken pieces,
Reconstruct and shine again."
Mar 17, 2015
Mar 17, 2015 at 11:44 PM UTC
I felt the weight of a million universes on my shoulders and in my head, pounding
Blood rushing to my head and I cannot fathom obtaining any peace until my blood has stopped pumping
Undesirable, inconsolable, insecure, three words to describe my demeanor
Torn from what I wanted , needed, and all I knew, brought to a state of numbness
Walking around like an emotional, emotionless zombie, unable to think speak or feel properly
Heavy heavy heart, what more can you endure when all you've got left is shattered pieces, too shattered to put back together
My eyes fill like a bathtub and my skin tingles with a feeling of remorse
There's a deep pang at the back of my throat, and a sharp stab in the center of my chest, I cannot feel this way .
This is not what it is supposed to be.
Mar 17, 2015
Mar 17, 2015 at 11:43 PM UTC
Grey clouds gather and I can see them reflected in your eyes.
Grey clouds gather as we lay under these skies.
The rain comes down, we run from it all.
The rain comes down, will you catch me if I fall?
I don't want to read too deep,
Into the things you do,
Or the things that I see at night when I sleep.
But it is hard when you practically said that you love me,
It is hard when I don't know what you want this to be.
Am I just wasting time? Waiting for the words to be said.
Or am I just wasting time, is it all in my head?
I am used to you pulling ahead,
We should have kissed long ago,
My soul feels like led.
But maybe it simply feels like a bird,
I am ready to fly,
Ready for my cry to be heard.
I am filled with joy and fear all at the same time
Is this beating heart even mine?
The rain came down, I felt so alive,
The rain came down, I like when we just drive.
I think I finally realize, you are my cup of tea,
Come on friend, come and cut me free.
Come pick my petals and kiss me quick,
Come make my heart explode and make me your pick.
If you fill up my cup, can I fill yours too?
As this rain pours down, tell it can be true.
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 11:43 AM UTC
A sky of stars and galaxies
Reflects itself in my mind,
And for a moment,
I wish that I could capture
That view through a man made lens
So I could share it with you.
That's what missing you feels like--
Like there is so much in my head
But no way to show it.
No way to send you a virtual kiss,
Or take a picture to tell you
What I am thinking.
My surroundings are vast and I am small,
But let me tell you this:
You are somewhere between
A mortal and a miracle,
And I find you in the stars
Because you don't belong
Among the humans.
That's the way I look at you--
My own personal Galaxy
That wraps me up
In a warm blanket of stars.
We may be apart,
But my heart lies wherever you are.
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 1:24 AM UTC
I remember you quite well.
Your face, the way you spoke.
The way your body felt in a warm embrace.
It all floods back from my memory.
Right now.
It's been about 4 years since we met.
4 years.
You told me you'd never forget me.
I remember the first time you told me you loved me.
My God we were so young.
It's been about 3 years since you wrote me the first letter in the series of many.
3 years.
You told me I was perfect and that stars are not nearly as beautiful as my eyes.
It was the first time I truly felt that was true.
It's been about 2 years since we stayed up at your house, eating pizza, talking to each other about the wonders of life at 3 am.
2 years.
And I still stay up that late almost all the time, thinking about how you hugged me and told me I was wonderful and everything would be okay, and how for the first time in my life I had someone to talk to. I've never had that after you.
It's been about 1 year since we slept in each other's arms and you made me jump on your back and we ran through the pouring rain together.
1 year.
We came to a stop. We sat on the bench right next to the lake. We spoke and all I could pay attention to was the way you said my name like it was the religion you practiced and the way the water dropped down your face and body like you were being baptized.
You kissed me then.
I've never felt so holy in my life.
It's been 4 years since we met.
It's been 3 years since I knew I loved you.
It's been 2 years since you saw the real raw unabridged version of myself.
It's been 1 year since I was saved.
And it's been my whole life I've been waiting for someone like you.
Tragically, my love, I don't think you even know my favourite color or the way I love to sing anymore.
You used to think of me every minute of every day.
4
You used to think of me often.
3
You used to think of me sometimes.
2
You used to think of me once in a blue moon.
1
You stopped thinking of me, just like that.
I lost my faith like I lost you.
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 1:04 AM UTC
I trace the curve of your spine
And write my secrets on your bones
We're surrounded by others
But your eyes say we're all alone
Is it that I'm myself with you,
Or that you're yourself with me?
Maybe it's the feeling of togetherness,
the power of we.
I don't know of it was that **** smirk
Your scent,
Your clothes
Or your jokes
All I know is you turned me inside out
My usual thought-out replies
Replaced with a measly choke
There's really no thesis to this,
No ****** no conclusion
Everything I just described so vividly
Is merely a self-made illusion
I haven't met you yet - the one that'll make flowers blossom in the corners of my mind
Who I'll crave and adore
And with whom I will spend my time
I'm not waiting for you, I have no time to seek
You're somewhere living your own life.
Each minute,
Hour,
Week.
The memories you're making now I will hear about in years to come
Along with your whispers in my ear: "This is it... you're the one."
Maybe you think you're in love now, with him or she
But the universe will make it happen
The one you love... it'll be me.
Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 4:03 PM UTC