This empty hole in my chest
Is from the pain your brought in my life
Pain I will never be able to put to rest
The smiles we shared
Will never be able to make up for the tears I shed.
Dreams turned to nightmares when you had left
You had the pleasure of breaking my heart and had no sympathy when I wept
You are a demon none deserving of grace
You had the darkness inside of you to say the things you said to my face
The sweet sweet lies you hissed in my ear
I never knew demons could walk the earth
For I called one my dear
Now I lay here in a puddle of my own tears
Commencing my self destruction to run away from this feeling
I try not alert the neighbors with my screaming
I will never forget your face
You are the one that has brought me back to this place
A place where this pain will consume every inch of my body
Oh how I wish you would be sorry
You had eyes that could enchant a nation
But I saw the darkness in your eyes when you broke my heart with no hesitation
But...
I , with no doubt deserved the cruelty you inflicted in my life
I deserved to feel the hole in my chest
I deserved to have the tears that soak my vest
I am a foul creature not from this place
I am the evil being not deserving grace.
-T
Oct 6, 2018
Oct 6, 2018 at 8:03 AM UTC
The drugs numb the pain
For a brief moment
I forget that I’m insane
Fists bleeding from self destruction
I cry out to anything listening out there
Yearning for an abduction
Eyes bleeding
Wrist screaming
My soul is tired of living
Slowly becoming unforgiving
She held my heart in her hand
Dropped it on the floor
Made me feel like a one night stand
She hissed so many lies into my ear
I thought it was love I felt
But it was fear
Fear of getting hurt
Fear of being left in the dirt
My heart would ache at night
I would call for you
And you’d be out of sight
The demons comforted me
The told me to sell my soul
If I wanted to be made whole
You were an angel craving chaos
I was a demon seeking peace
But in the end
You become the demon.
A demon dressed in white
Lurking in the night.
-T
Mar 18, 2018
Mar 18, 2018 at 7:22 AM UTC
I'm single.
And it has obvious benefits
I don't have to share my food, and i won't be yelled at for occasionally being emotionally
Oblivious.
But I'm a mess too, a disaster that no one wants a part of, but i guess that's why I'm apart from most everyone.
I'm single
Because it takes courage to love, courage that i don't have anymore because I've cried too much like a purple dove.
Everyday i see random couples out there in the streets under the spell of love
And being crippled by the hooks of loneliness i look up above and wonder what sin did i commit?
Can i change this sentence with a legal team and a habeus corpus writ?
I'm single
And cynical, growing more everyday.
I can't even appreciate a love song anymore, i know i sound crazed.
But you'd feel the same if everyday
You die just a bit more inside with each affectionate display.
I'm single
Because i can't offer anything but myself
No wealth, mediocre at best looks, and at best average health.
I'm a wreck no one wants to fix... so I'll do it without help.
Feb 21, 2018
Feb 21, 2018 at 2:25 AM UTC
When she promised to never leave
She forgot to mention the card she had in her sleeve
When he promised to keep you from your demon
But left you on the floor screaming
When she held your heart in her hand and then threw it to the cold floor
Spat in your face and walked out the door
When he kissed your forehead before you slept
Then out of your bed he crept
When she whispered she loved you in your ear
Then was the reason for a tear
When he held your hand when you walked down the street
Just to leave you at night drowning your bed sheet
When she made you smile day and night
Then she was out of sight
When he noticed the little things about you
Just for you to realise the promises were never true
When she made you trust her completely
Then made you feel like jumping of the balcony
When he looked you in your eyes and said he loved you
Then bid you adieu.
-T
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 6:10 AM UTC
I have no grasp on my feelings anymore
I lost track of them crying on my bed room floor
Ive lost all sanity
All grip on reality
Standing against a tall wall
Knees weak from the journey and about to fall
I stare blankly at the wall with tears at the end of my eyelids
I cry out a scream of helplessness to anyone who would hear
But as always I am left alone to quiver in fear
With my fist tightened I throw it to the wall
A sharp sting grows within my fist and tears begin to fall
I fall to my knees and hold my wrist
With tears in my eyes I shout to the heavens and raise my ****** fist
The heavens shout back with a thunderous roar
And a rod of lighting strikes the soil beside me
At that moment a new feeling was born inside of me
I pull myself up and throw my fists to the wall
Over and over I punish my fists
And as tears fall down my eyelids
I begin to see the wall weakening to my fists
I throw another one and blood begins to pour to the floor
And I begin to realise I am at war
I look down to my ****** fists
I roll them up into a ball for one last try
And try hold the tears in as I cry
I set myself up and throw my fist to the wall
With the impact, the shock of my hands shattering sends me to the ground
And I lay there with no sound
I punch the devil in the face and come back to life to see...
The wall has been broken and I have been set free.
-T
Dec 31, 2017
Dec 31, 2017 at 6:18 AM UTC
I deserve all this pain and torment
Cut my writs and numb my heart
Use the blood to create your art
Cast the stones
Break my bones
Let me choke on my blood
Agonising but deserving death
Loosing each and every breath
Hold a gun to my heart and pull the trigger
Let the bullet flow through me like fish through water
Let this be my ultimate slaughter
Round my neck with a noose
Tighten it and make sure it is not loose
Tie an anchor to my feet and throw me in the ocean
Let my scream not be heard
And my vision be blurred
Lay me on the road and run me over
Let the tyres crush each and every bone
Let my existance become unknown
Throw me into the fiery pits of hell
Let my flesh burn to ash
Then throw the remains in the trash
Throw me out of a plane
And let my life flash before my eyes
Let me remember all the lies
Let me remember all the forgotten cries
Let me remember all the false allies
And as I look at my final sunrise
Let me say...
I deserve it.
-T
Dec 11, 2017
Dec 11, 2017 at 7:51 AM UTC
It is the season for heartbreak
When youll cry yourself a river
And drown yourself in the lake
You will find serpents dressed in diamonds
Taught to trick and break you
Break your heart into right into two
Falling into temptation is common for humans
You fall knowing that there is a chance you will crash
But then blame the other person for being rash
Humans are fools destined for destruction
Hurting each other like it was an instruction
No antidote can cure the pain inside
No person can tame that emotion
For that demon is wild
Pain is mental suffering or distress
It was that emotion you felt when your head was pressed on my chest
You cover the cuts with your bracelets
Numbing the emotional pain with physical pain
But at the end of the day there will be nothing you will gain
Give me your pain , let me take it away
Ill keep the demons out for as long as youll stay
It is the season of heartbreak
The revealment of all the beings that were fake
Take my hand and I will keep you sane
I will rid you of the pain
-T
Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 7:46 AM UTC
I realised I didnt have to live with the pain anymore
I had to let it all go
If I let the pain stay it would forever grow
If I let you stay you were going to destroy me
I had to save myself some pain
Before you turned me insane
You were a good girl trying to be bad
I was a bad boy losing himself
Voices telling me to let you go
Deep down I knew I had to
My heart knew what my mind didnt know
You were a parasite killing me slowly
I was falling so hard I didnt even see it
UntilI hit the very bottom of the pit
I wasnt chasing love, I was chasing my own demise
My heart thought it was love
But my soul was too wise
But how do you forget someone you once knew?
How do you cut her face out of your memories
How do forget someone who brought you to your knees
She never needed me.
The devil was her companion
But art was her passion
Maybe thats what kept me around for so long
But I saw your soul through your art
I saw right through you but the most important part
Was...
I had to let you go.
-T
Nov 12, 2017
Nov 12, 2017 at 6:46 AM UTC
Walking alone in the hallways
Hearing the echoes of your laugh bouncing of the walls
Reminiscing on better days
I dont feel empty anymore.
I am detached from reality, floating in a still state of mind
Trying to hide away in a place no one can find
Brick walls being built
Shutting away the voices
Running away from the guilt
"If we are ment to be. We will come back to each other," you said before you left
You took my heart and never brought it back in one piece
That should be considered as theft
My heartbeat used to beat for you
Now my heart aches beacuse of you
Regretting the moments I believed would last forever
Forcing myself to believe we werent ment to be together
A part of me still holds onto you
Losing hope but reaching out for you
Realising you wont do want I need you to
I never thought the dream would end
When it did my life became a nightmare
Happy moments became rare
You and me we were forbidden lovers
In a story that was eventually going to end in one of us leaving each other
I wished I listened to my mother
She warned me about you.
But addiction got the best of me
Thought that we were ment to be
I was wrong.
You left in peace
But left me in pieces.
-T
Nov 11, 2017
Nov 11, 2017 at 7:44 AM UTC
Im drowing in my own tears
Needing a helping hand
Needing saving from my own fears
Troubled by my demons I crawl into a ball
I scream out for help
But my voice is blocked out by a wall
My lungs begin to burn from the lack of air
My heart begins to ache from the lack of care
Tears gushing out of me like a waterfall
I begin to taste my own ending
My soul is detaching from my body and is descending
I will meet my tormentor
Look it in the eyes and ask it why it tormented me my whole life
Why it kept me from having kids and a wife
My life was never my own
I was a loner walking amongs demons
Without a place to call home
Reflecting on life in the after life
Seeing myself crying on my bed at night.
I was such a lonely boy who told everyone he was alright
It grabbed my hand and took me to me demise
I would be punished
Burnt with a fire fueld by all the lies
I could feel my skin being eaten away by the flames.
A memory comes to me.
I remember a sweet childhood full of candy and games
I was an innocent infant
Till it found me and consumed me
It was always in me and never let me be
I felt empty yes, but it was drinking from my soul
It was the reason why I felt so empty
It was the reason why I was never happy
I resented my life ever since it found me
I was broken and couldnt be helped
Now I stand in a fire about to melt
The pain seems familiar
Feels like home.
Screaming wouldnt help
Im lost now. With no way of coming back
At least my name would go up on a plaque
I made a difference in a few
I imprinted on the ones who mattered the most
They used me and overdosed
Made me feel even more empty than I already was
How could a being be so deceitful?
So cruel and so evil ?
Is that how you were made ?
Or was it part of the game you played ?
The game of heartbreak and tears
Fake people and smoke and mirrors
I lost that game a long time ago
I came back to reality
And the fire had burnt me from head to toe
How was I still alive ?
Then I see the burnt flesh peel away
The fire eats my skin away again
Im beginning to go insane
It was my sentance
To burn in the fire forever
But in some way to me it brought pleasure
I was used to the pain
So as the torture repeated again and again
My face just remained plain
I was numb
And I looked up to earth
Looked all the way back to my birth
Maybe if I was born in a different time I would have turned out differently
It wouldnt have found me
I would have been a shut door without a key
Safe from the voices
I would have felt true happiness
My life wouldnt have been a mess
But it was inevitable for the ones I loved to hurt me
I watched them move on, find joy in someone else
To me it never made sense
Was I that bad of a person
I loved all. Cared for all. Sacrificed so much
But actually I destroyed everything by just a touch
Everything I loved , touched , encountered turned to dust
I never brought anyone happiness, just pain
I was a cloud full of it and showered it over everyone like rain
I was chasing love but ended up running away from the pain that came with it
Was love just abstract
I was never going to find it and that was a fact
I was always being played with
I was lied to and shown fake love
Love was just a myth
Or it was just not for me
At least thats what I thought
Until I met her.
A sublime beauty.
I was lovestruck .
And she had my heart .
She had her way with words
She had me wrapped around her fingers
She knew that I was forever going to be hers
I was addicted to her
She kept the pain away
I knew if I wanted to survive I had to make her stay
I wasnt going to let her go
She brought a new feeling
I didnt know I would fall so hard for a human being
Was it fait
Because it felt like she came into my life too late
I was a messed person with no future
But she overlooked all of that at loved me
The voices were still there but they were fading away
It wasnt tormenting as much anymore
Slowly it will close my door
And the key will be thrown away
Ill be left alone, with her.
-T
Oct 28, 2017
Oct 28, 2017 at 8:41 AM UTC