You don't love me
you love the idea of me
I loved you
but that was a scary place
You didn't care
you knew you could leave and I would always be there
You blamed me
but there was blame to share
You left me
I left you
I don't know you anymore
I am a monster
You never loved me
you created me into a monster leaving me alone
Oct 26, 2017
Oct 26, 2017 at 10:06 AM UTC
you said you'd never leave me wondering if you cared
but now I'm alone and scared
I'm losing control
left alone with a broken soul
you said you'd never let me go
and now these emotions overflow
Then it hit me
you have the key
I stay hidden
living in depression
you consume
I hide in my bedroom
afraid you will leave
while you deceive
I was naive
just leave
Oct 20, 2017
Oct 20, 2017 at 10:31 AM UTC
I saw you and I couldn't stop staring
my friend came running and you gave me the look
I was scared because the last time I had that look my whole world came crashing down
You make me happy like no other and I'm afraid
I love you and I know I do
It hasn't been long but I know it's you
You came crashing into my life the day I finally said goodbye to him
you are everything I need and everything I want
From the look I knew because I see you stare at me across the room
Your kiss makes me fly
your touch makes me whole
please don't let me go
look at me everyday like you did that first day
Oct 20, 2017
Oct 20, 2017 at 10:07 AM UTC
crash
the sound off the bowling ball hitting the pins is how it felt when I saw you
The sound of the music was ringing in my ears when my friend brought my phone back with your name and number in my phone
I was hesitant but you make me feel safe
I didn't realize how much I missed you when I had just met you
I found you
you are everything I need
holding your hand I was letting go of everything
When your lips pressed against mine I could breather for the first time
I feel tingles in my body thinking about you
My heart was beating so hard I could hear it over the sound of the bowling pins crashing down
With each kiss you hit down each bowling pin I had set up around my heart until you hit a strike.
You hold my heart in your hands just don't put me in the gutter.
Oct 16, 2017
Oct 16, 2017 at 2:59 PM UTC
You aren't in my life but I still feel controlled by you
I apologize for things you would get mad at me for but others wouldn't
I still flinch when I get texts saying certain things that shouldn't make me panick
I suppress my feelings and I try to save others because I couldn't save you
I don't know if you're dead or alive
Either way I will never get my questions answered
You clung to me as much as I clinged to you
You took the breath out of me and replaced it with poison
I lost all the people that cared because of what I had done to keep you
I still feel like it's all my fault
It wasn't my fault
You were 17 you took advantage of me with your snake like ways
You slithered your way into my life
You knew I would fall for you.
There was no way out only in
I'm still in a game that you left a long time ago
My life is still scarred by a 13 year olds wish to feel
I just wanted to feel
And trust me I felt
I still feel but not what I wanted
They say careful what you wish for and now the only wish I make is that I was the last that you got a hold of
Jul 28, 2017
Jul 28, 2017 at 2:27 PM UTC
It started innocent
I was captivated by your smile
I was pulled in by the mere thought of being loved
I thought that if I felt wanted I would be okay
I thought I was okay
I wasn't okay
You pulled me in while you were drowning
How do you expect me to save you if I barely save my self
All wanted was love
Now look what you've done
Are you satisfied with the picture that you've painted with my blood
It was innocent
I saw your face and I remembered how I felt love
I wanted to feel loved again
I missed him
I used you to fill that void that he left
It started with a sip then a glass next thing I know the bottle is gone
It felt like every touch you made my heart race
Like every kiss would last forever until you were drinking everyday
I didn't know the sober you
I lost you I loved you
I want you but you're too far gone
I'm afraid to say I love you because all the love I've ever felt has just hurt
I never was taught how to love
How am I supposed to have stable relationships
I don't know what it means anymore
I know what love feels like
Falling in love after you've been in love is scarier than falling out of love
You never really fall out of love
There will always be the smells the songs the touch that will Always be a part of you
I try to escape my own skin but I can't
I can't forget those nights
Those words
And those feelings
To be loved
To want to be full
But never actually being
May 21, 2017
May 21, 2017 at 9:04 PM UTC
Lost in my thoughts again didn't know it would be so soon
calm down it will be alright love close your eyes and fly to a place where they won't find you. close your eyes don't be afraid I am here spread your wings.... And fly
thought you would be the one
but entered into a place I kept hidden full of broken pieces I am corrupted
close your eyes don't be afraid I am here shut the door..... And cry
I am afraid it will end up the same way I love you More than words can explain close your eyes don't be afraid I am here begging you please baby... Don't leave
You shut the door and I am lost
Walking through a world of mirrors reliving the days I tried so desperately to forget
It's my fault
I should have been there
It's my fault I wasn't enough
I tried, I am trying
I'm begging you please forgive me
I'm lost in my thoughts so soon I wanted to forget but I haven't learned yet
Feb 9, 2017
Feb 9, 2017 at 7:52 PM UTC
I should have known this would happen again
They're getting worse
I'm slowly being lured into their trap
I know what this is
The demons within me
They're getting stronger
I can not suppress these feelings much longer
I'm afraid
I know what happens next
The hospital
More pills
More doctors
People saying
"It gets better"
Bull ****
I've been fighting for five years
Every time it just gets worse
They say to look and help others
I do
That's all I ever do
I get so lost in other people's problems I forget my own
Tick… tick… tick…
I'm a time bomb about to detonate
Except no one knows when I will go off
I bury these feelings deep within until everything bottled up
They say to forget
How you can you forget when everything you do points back to them
Shh... It's okay they say
No it's not okay
It's not ******* okay
I'm a mess
A hoarders house looks better than my thoughts
It's normal to go through stages like this I've been told by doctors
Okay so it's normal to want to die?
Okay I'll remind you that that when people tell me how ****** up wanting to die is
I'll remind you that when people think I'm physcotic when I break down because of words said
I tell myself I'll be fine
I do it for my family
I could care less what happens to me
I get texts saying "please don't die"
but what's stopping me?
Oh wait…
Nothing
Dec 14, 2016
Dec 14, 2016 at 9:40 AM UTC
Broken with no where to run in a maze but with every wrong turn you break down just a little bit more you see life is a game but this game has a twist it starts with a me at only 13 years old 1 cut 2 cuts 3 cuts 4 when will it be over I cry 5 cuts 6 cuts 7 8 cuts 9 cuts ten aw now they is satisfied with the blood slithering down her arm 1 month later 1 pill 2 pills 3 pills 4 5 pills 6 pills 7 8 pills 9 pills ten with dears streaming down her face she croaks please make it stop 11 pills 12 pills 13 pills 14 now she has her fill found by her parents rushed to the hospital now for the mental hospital stay her heart starts beating rapidly when she sees his face how beautiful she thought till the day she was worrying about him instead of her she finally broke it off then tried to end it again then one day she finds herself dancing with amazing people she loves not expecting what might happen four months later but this time she won't get saved... She is dancing across the room scars cover her body she hides her pain with her fake smiles she clings to anyone or anything that shows a remote amount of affection her anxiety controls her life she fights for as long as she can till her last night she decides to end it one pill for being a freak a second for all the lies she was told a third for staring at her plate but not touching it a fourth for her sexuality a fifth because of her father a sixth for all the boys that played with her heart a seventh because she thinks she's fat an eighth just because there is no going back a ninth for all her imperfections a tenth for all the abuse in her life an eleventh because she desperately wants to stop breathing a twelfth because that's when death started calling her name a thirteenth because she had no friends a fourteenth for being so ungrateful a 15 because that's the age she doesn't want to see they tried to save her but it was to late she made up her mind... See I told you this game has a twist.
Oct 18, 2016
Oct 18, 2016 at 9:06 AM UTC
Frozen
I’m staring at you
With another girl in your arms
It’s not me
We share the same name
but it's her you love not me
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 9:15 AM UTC