you can't compare the sun to the moon, kind of like I can't compare him to you.
Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 11:56 PM UTC
I'm home alone
my thoughts are starting to take over
the more I think the slower I breathe
I thought I fell in love again, but I was wrong and now I'm stuck with somebody I can't stand kissing because he isn't you
you ended it 6 months ago, why are you still in my head?
I'm no longer sane
I wish I could love him like I loved you
I don't think I'll ever love again
my life is falling apart
everything is going wrong
my mom kicked me out and I'm not even concerned
because
all I can think about is you
and how it was
and what could've been
but it won't be
because
you don't care
and you never did
you told me you loved me and left 2 weeks later, you don't do that to somebody you love
do you know how bad you messed me up?
all I think about is how much I hate myself for letting you leave
I could've stopped you
but I was so stubborn
I thought you were gonna come back,
you always did
but boy was I wrong
I think I'll miss you forever
but then again
they say time heals all wounds,
so how much longer do I have to wait?
Aug 6, 2014
Aug 6, 2014 at 2:18 PM UTC
today I took 8 shots and i called you
I just wanted to hear your voice
but then I realized I was drunk and stupid so I hungup before you answered
you called me back twice and i was way too terrified to answer
so you texted me asking "who is this?"
and I think the blood in my veins stopped just as fast as the air in my lungs did
I guess I had hope you called back because you actually wanted to talk to me
after 3 text messages you went on ignoring me and you ended up all over my twitter tl looking for another bootycall
it took every muscle, feeling, and bone in my body to keep the tears from streaming out of my eyes and down my cheeks
I think I'm gonna miss you forever
It's been 5 and a half months why are you still in my head?
you're taking over my thoughts
kind of like you took over my heart
and I don't think you're giving them back
Jul 31, 2014
Jul 31, 2014 at 5:56 AM UTC
sometimes I just get in these moods where I think about nothing but destruction
But, what's the point in living, anyway?
I don't see a purpose quite exactly
my idea of fun is everything illegal
but if I get arrested, it's gonna be more than difficult to find a job
I could end up homeless
Or even worse, 40 years old living with my mother
we're born, and education is forced on us
we go to school with people we hate
atleast 50% or more of the school population hates themselves because of the people and remarks they have to deal with
everyday
but if we drop out of school, it's gonna be hard to get a job
and if we get lucky enough to get a job without education it's usually a job with poor pay
but how do you pay for your wife and two kids as a coworker at McDonald's?
"Lifes to short to have bad days," they say
life's not so short when you spend most of your time drowning in sadness and remorse
thinking about different ways to commit suicide
because it all started with a stupid boy
and it ended with a couple girls from school laughing at you
I breathe in anxiety
I exhale insecurity
while I'm stuck contemplating wether or not the girls across the room laughing at me
It's all so stupid
I guess life's not so short after all.
Jul 27, 2014
Jul 27, 2014 at 3:20 AM UTC
Dear Talia,
I don't want to be a tortured artist.
I don't want to be depressed and I don't want to be anxious.
Competitive sadness and disorders treated like accessories disgust me.
The world glamorizes mental illness, and I don't understand why. There is nothing romantic about being mentally ill just like how there's nothing glamorous about a broken wrist or a torn medial collateral ligament. There's nothing romantic about constantly being afraid that the world will fold in itself and **** you with it. There's nothing romantic about feeling like you could break down and cry at any moment.
This is the first piece I've written while being medicated.
I want it to be Christmas already.
The world dreams itself a halo, but can only attain horns. The halo is an illusion and the horns are an idea.
I'm due to take another Lorazepam. Would I look cool to the kids who idolize dysfunction and misinterpret pain as style, if I were to take one of these, with water and a distant glance, in front of them? Geez, to have their approval would to have everything and nothing at all.
I'm not sure why I've written as much about this as I have.
You.
It is 2:48 am and all I can think about, in this moment, is you.
I can't wait to spend Christmas with you. I can't wait to wear bad Christmas sweaters, and be the couple everyone hates, as we sing Christmas carols and spread holiday cheer.
I wrote this poem a few minutes ago. Sometime around 2:30 am. I'm not sure. I'm exhausted:
I sat on the edge of my bed, and on the edge of my life,
medicated to the point of pointlessness. Soft.
It was the nineteenth, not the twentieth,
and I wished I saw the fireworks with her fifteen days earlier.
My gasps tore the shingles off of the house.
And they hung suspended above the hole in the roof.
And God stared down into my room, as the shingles swirled skyward.
"I see you," I said, "but I don't believe in you."
I left home and ran until I was a dream that had passed itself.
I hope that was okay.
I love you.
Yours,
Joshua Haines
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 3:17 AM UTC
well ****
I finally stopped crying
I may have spent a lot my time stumbling to stand and drunk texting all his friends
but I was happier than I've ever been
you came into my life for barely 2 months
and now I'm back into the same sadness it took me almost 6 months to get out of
I'm tired of feeling angry
shouting stupid words i don't mean
you can't calm me down
not this time
i changed for you
but you changed me for the worst
I feel empty
the only thing I feel are the tears rushing down my cheeks
and the ache in my throat after shouting
sometimes I even feel the blood rushing down my hand after picking up the glass
I fell in love,
again
I must admit
I didn't think it was possible
but once I met you I know it would be inevitable to fall in love with you
I am once again drowning in sadness and regret
I am drowning in my own tears
I can't take it
I got through a heart break once
I can do it again, right?
you love me?
then please, let me go
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 2:51 AM UTC
your eyes are as blue as the ocean
and my hair is as blonde as the sun
together we both make the perfect beach day
but sometimes
you become dark
and that's when it storms
you become the dull grey sky
I try to light you up but it only makes things worse
and I guess that makes me the lightening
It may be dark and stormy
but what's a storm without lightening?
and what would the ocean be like if there was no sun?
what would I be like if i didn't have you?
I have a strong feeling I'm about to find out soon
maybe they were right
and maybe sometimes there's no calm before the storm
sometimes the storm just randomly hits,
hard
and maybe one day,
It won't clear up
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 2:05 AM UTC
have you ever broken something and tried to put it back together?
you usually can't find every single piece
but you glue the bigger pieces together
it's not perfect but it doesn't look half bad
most people won't notice it's broken unless they look hard enough
and that's kind of how it was after you left
I was like a broken vase that you dropped on purpose
it may have taken 6 months for me to put most of the pieces back together
and I'm still missing some
but only a couple people had to look hard enough to notice such sadness in my eyes
and everytime I see the half broken vase in my hallway I smile
because even though it's missing some pieces it still stands
it may not be perfect but it's fixable
And it gives me hope that maybe one day I'll be okay
without you,
the missing piece
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 3:44 AM UTC
She was poised and quiet
Framed in the morning daylight
crashing waves
A fragile heartbeat
A gentle breeze
Behind her sadden eyes
The unfathomable depth of the
ocean
Torn and broken
Cast aside and abandoned
She put herself back together
Time and time again
She gave and she gave
While they only took and took
Not realizing the pain
Yet she still gave
Still loved
Each time picking up her fragile body
harder and harder than the last
Then the day came upon her
When he saw her
Framed body against the setting sun
Hair tangled
Tears staining her pink cheeks
Walked to her
Kneeling beside her
As she gathered her shattered body
He helped to pick her up
Words never spoken
As they weren't needed
Took her hand
Helping her up
Wiped her tears from her cheeks
No longer would she need to reconstruct herself
No longer would she have tears
He was not one to break her
Nor take from her
He help her piece herself together
Protected her forever
Never to be hurt again
She would be loved and free to love
Her spirit is aglow
By the moon and stars at night
By the sun during the day
She is the one for me
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 3:22 AM UTC