nyx-ashling
American
Nyx Ashling is my alias, Nyx being the ancient Greek first goddess of night and Ashling being an Irish name meaning dream or vision. I like to share my poetry, but because of some of my subject matter I cannot share it with everyone I know, so it would be nice to be able to share it with an unbiased third party.
I try to will my hands to movement
but the energy that fails to stir them
is that of a dying spider
my hands are dying spiders
the weight of broken ballerina ankles rests on them
as one finger, one spindly leg reaches foreward with the fading pulsation of apathy and desperation
apathy pitted against desperation in a cage match thumping against the bars of my ribs i cannot funck fu k func function like this
i once saw a dying spider
she had been in the skylight for weeks
lights flooded the room and she floated down the middle
on a silver string, what skirts are made of for dancers
her legs slowly splayed as she turned so thin so light
in my head i heard played the last grand notes of swan lake
she landed her perfect pirouette to the end of her swan song
and dies to an admiring audience weighed of broken ballerina ankles
her spindly, skeleton leg reaches foreward
driven by desperation
slowing by apathy by starvation by stubbornness by fear
her legs curl unto herself
caging the match pitting apathy against desperation
she cannot fun...c..tio...n... like... this...
Silence falls on my eyes and creeps them closed as my hand
fails to reach the next letter
i desperately have to reach the next letter
but Apathy blinks and says
whats the point
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 5:42 PM UTC
It's nice when inspiration hits
But if you want to do something you can push yourself to be creative
Take your favorite song and sing it
Start drawing start writing write the stories of your scars
These ones on my legs I was angry and I could only take it out on myself because I couldnt take it out on anyone else
Why was I angry I didn't know myself I didn't fit in my skin and thats where the ones on my neck come in
Some people need a sunny day to create
But when you let go of the need
It's a feeling of freedom the feeling of creativity
Jul 23, 2013
Jul 23, 2013 at 12:25 PM UTC
Sometimes it feels like you were never here
Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that I told you it was over
That today I could just march over to yours and inform you of your abuse like a well practised debater
I know that you've moved on
While I'm stuck in this rut
The wheels spinning and spitting the same dirt from the same spot in this ******* rut
The engines riddling the air with the same plaintive and helpless whine
I don't know how to move on
I just keep hating you
Jul 23, 2013
Jul 23, 2013 at 12:19 PM UTC
I might be a mother someday
I dreamt of it last night
It had come too soon
I wanted to love her
But couldn't take on the commitment
I was still a child myself
I claim to not like kids
"two minutes, that's it,
Anymore is too much"
But I feel one day I will love a child
More than anything
And that's strange to me
I would tell them
Please don't drink
Please don't do drugs
Please don't smoke ***
if it makes you feel bad
You don't need to impress anyone
The same goes for stealing
But if you do I won't hurt you
Though you will pay the consequences
Because you need to learn from your mistakes
But I'll remember that we all make mistakes
So I won't judge you too harshly
Because no matter what you do
Life goes on
As long as you're here
So if you hurt yourself
I'll remember people do that sometimes
And I will help you
No matter what you believe of yourself
You are stronger than that
Because you are human
You are capable of so much
And finally, I will tell them
I love you
Jul 23, 2013
Jul 23, 2013 at 12:12 PM UTC
For the first time
In a long time
I felt it.
A rush, a tingle, a warmth that spread into a giggle.
I was giddy.
Why was this happening?
My heartbeat caught, my breath sped,
No that’s not right.
I was smiling.
Because… of the couple on the screen.
Because… I had a dream.
I was kissing a girl, and for once,
That girl wasn’t you.
I was smiling.
I could breathe. I’m still breathing. Still smiling. Happy.
Happy… Alone?
So long I saw the world in shades… your shades.
And now I can say, “Get out of my head! I want to see the sky!
I want to see the light shining down with both of my eyes!”
And I see blue. Beautiful blue.
And sun where there wasn’t before.
No longer held down
by weakness
by hatred that grew...
I think I’m finally… getting over you.
Dec 6, 2012
Dec 6, 2012 at 11:38 PM UTC
“Nope, we’re just friends,” we used to say,
Each time they asked we both looked away,
Scared of what her reaction might be,
Knowing not that her want was only for me.
So long ago this now seems,
What happened to us,
Our hopes,
Our dreams?
We haven’t been talking so I’m sure you’ve not heard,
I dearly do miss you,
My sweet Blackbird.
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 29, 2012 at 7:00 PM UTC
“Now Sherlock, you can correct me if I’m wrong-”
“-I’m sure you’re wrong, John, but please carry on.”
“You seem a bit distracted,
Was it the legislature enacted?”
“Now John, why would that affect me?
Good for other people, another way to be free-”
Then in Sherlock’s head went a little Ding!
Turning to John he said “Why John, are you perhaps fishing for a ring?”
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 29, 2012 at 6:59 PM UTC
Membranes, wings and rains,
Think brains, pull up them Hanes,
Dress yourself in scarves and silks,
Drink some warm milk,
Remember… remember, cuz tonight you’re only feelin’ ill.
Broke out of that chrysalis, colors all a-flyin’,
S’a little intimidatin’, cuz it’s my first time bein’ this high ‘nd,
Little scared to take the plunge,
But I’ve got these wings so I must be invincible.
Let’s go let’s go let’s go even higher,
Fly cuz the tip of your wing’s on fire,
I’ll light you up my Moonlight Flower,
Dream and see it’s a good way to be,
Don’t worry about it, you know you can trust me.
Membranes, wings and rains,
Think brains, pull up them Hanes,
Dress yourself in scarves and silks,
Drink some warm milk,
Remember… remember, cuz tonight you’re only feelin’ ill.
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 29, 2012 at 6:58 PM UTC
Like a flower misses the sun,
When the frost takes over the ache creeps in,
Try to shake it off let my petals unfurl,
But it’s hard being rooted to the ground right here,
It’s hard to be feelin’,
Want the sun to come back,
But I gotta keep breathin’,
Make my own warmth, man.
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 29, 2012 at 6:58 PM UTC
She says “Envy me,” with an eyelash bats fly in a lightning flash,
Rubbin’ ash on my face to be like her but the light turns off and all I see is gray,
Smoke and mirrors play,
“It’s fake, but it’s beautiful,” they say,
And I’m taken aback when the mirrors crack and “Hey, wait!” I exclaim,
“You’re not the same!”
After which I proceed to rub the ash off my face
And she walks away like “So, what?”
I stand dumbfounded, like “Shouldn’t girl be shamed?”
Grown up a little it’s hard to believe I belittled myself,
I choke on the secondhand smoke and mirrors they say “Stop coverin’ up true colors, oh look, boo, you’re original red, black and blue be showin’ through.”
I look closer and harder to find that this face that was mine all the time I tried to hide like the shame inside like “Who could love it when it’s next to her?” and this bird came by,
Said “Girl, you bein’ absurd, you got your own light now let it shine, go spread your word, you got your worth, not lower than hers.”
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 29, 2012 at 6:57 PM UTC