one day you'll look back on your life
and realize
you were born a caterpillar
and grew into a butterfly
in the midst of absurdity.
you'll look down
and see everything beneath you
because you'll be flying,
with wings you didn't even know you had.
growing up is a process that happens over time,
and even though it feels as if it takes an eternity,
you don't always see her there when she arrives.
i think humans are just butterflies
that have more emotions.
we are stronger than we look,
but our wings should not be touched.
for the oils on your hands will weigh us down.
Oct 25, 2019
Oct 25, 2019 at 9:50 PM UTC
Someone stole my color
And threw it to the wind
Scattered like ashes
I don’t know if I’ll ever find it
Someone stole my color
From the face I know so well
I saw it in the cotton candy clouds
And the teal ocean swell
Someone stole my color
I guess that’s where it went
The world looks so much brighter
Like something heaven-sent
Someone stole my color
And that’s what no one knows
Depression isn’t black
It’s the color of a rose
It’s the light orange in a sunset
And the yellow of a peach
Light blue, my favorite color
So simply out of reach
Purple like my favorite eyeshadow
No, lavender, I’d guess you’d say
And my favorite music artist
Although he has passed away
Someone stole my color
Now everything’s too bright
I suppose sometimes darkness
Isn’t the opposite of light
Someone stole my color
So I’ll wear grey and black
As if in mourning
Until I get it back
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 3:21 PM UTC
He comes and goes
A man no one really knows
He’s there when you’re alone
Still as a stone
Sadness he detects
And closer he gets
He’ll devour you slowly
And takes your mind wholly
You deter him from time to time
Yet he’s always there, just waiting to climb
He whispers things,
Bad things that’ll break your wings
Sometimes he’ll whisper the sweetest things
Oh, what a joy that brings
He offers you freedom
And acts like a beacon
You’re afraid to take it
Fear to fall in that pit
Be strong you must
Don’t listen and trust
For he’ll absorb positive emotion
Slowly pushing you to the ocean
Be careful around him
Don’t let yourself take the swim.
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 3:19 PM UTC
Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 2:11 PM UTC
i replanted myself
and i grew more than ever
taller than the clouds
i became friends with the sky
the birds taught me a few lessons
i even met the sun
she showed me how to shine
when it got dark
i found myself reminiscing with the stars
but i left some things on the ground
and they cut me down
now i find myself in the same place
that i was before i decided to leave
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 1:48 PM UTC
you were the first person that i told
the biggest secret of my life
i trusted you with that
to this day, i still trust you with it
you see, you may hate me
you may avoid me
we may not talk
but you still have pieces of me
as i still have pieces of you
i don't resent you
the things you put me through have only helped me grow
you see, i have sprouted up
and i'm becoming a garden
and this time, i'm doing it all on my own
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 1:47 PM UTC
Waking up to a heavy chest
My body begging me to sleep again
And my anxiety begins the second I realize I'm alive
I'm trying to learn to function
With all of this negative energy inside me
I know it'll pass and
I know it'll get better
But right now it hurts
I feel unloved
Unloveable
I feel lost inside myself
A place I can't stay too long
Before I lose my mind
I can tell myself I'm worth it and
That my worth isn't defined by others
And it works for a bit
Until something else comes up and
My heart loses its energy
And I either feel like giving up
Or ready to fight everyone
Dec 14, 2018
Dec 14, 2018 at 2:20 PM UTC
I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."
And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.
And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.
How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.
How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?
People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.
I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.
There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.
I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.
You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.
We're warriors.
"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."
Tonight, I'm telling all of you.
I survived myself.
And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.
It's not easy but you did it.
And I'm so proud of you all.
Dec 14, 2018
Dec 14, 2018 at 9:50 AM UTC
there are so many of you
that i would love to sit down with;
maybe over a milkshake and a plate of fries;
and just talk.
i want to ask you about the boy that hurt you,
about the anger you feel deep inside
over a father who said he’d come back...
and then didn’t.
i want to run with you through pages of words and say
“oh that’s right, what a lovely metaphor.”
i want to see all your smiling faces and
thank each and every one of you for showing me kindness,
for saving my life.
i want to collaborate on novels of poetry
and laugh with you through the tears of our pasts.
so until we sip those milkshakes and eat those fries...
thank you, to
some of the most beautiful people i have never met.
Dec 10, 2018
Dec 10, 2018 at 5:34 PM UTC
dissociation a curse
dissociation my enemy
enemy barges in
enemy takes control
control is crippling
control must go
go seek advise
go to friends
friends may ignore
friends may listen
listen to god
listen to nothing
nothing is something
nothing is numbing
numbing craves alcohol
numbing craves drugs
drugs are prescribed
drugs will fix
fix my brain
fix cracked mirrors
mirrors taunt me
mirrors tell lies
lies i tell
lies cover bruise
bruise my hand
bruise my brother
brother is silent
brother please forgive
forgive me father
forgive me mother
father please help
father is futile
futile defines me
futile invites suicide
suicide with pills
suicide i survived
survived from coma
survived in hospital
hospital is helpful
hospital gives answers
answers for family
answers to problems
problems with doctors
problems with diagnosis
diagnosis is discovered
diagnosis is depersonalization
depersonalization creates poet
depresonalization becomes mad
mad
poet
Dec 10, 2018
Dec 10, 2018 at 5:30 PM UTC