Can someone explain to me why loving yourself after trauma is so hard to do?
You go through the motions, you try to love yourself again and nothing changes all the damage done to you.
I try to tell myself it only happens to the strongest soldiers of life, “you’re a warrior, you won the battle”
“Don’t you dare allow it to cause your foundation to rattle”
“You’re better than that”
But the hurt is still there.
I see it in my new relationships that ARE healthy. I see it in my interactions with my own family.
I just wonder when the pain of everything in my past will cease to exist so I can just be happy.
I self sabotage everything good in my life expecting something to shake its solid foundation. I look for things that might just cause some “irritation.”
I pray every night “god, heal this broken heart of mine.” Yet I’m the one who can’t seem to recognize the beauty in sunshine.
I swear it’s a curse to feel so much so deeply. But is it?
Am I lucky to see the beauty and the pain In the world so clearly ?
Mar 21
Mar 21, 2026 at 3:35 AM UTC
Writing from the heart is something I’ve always done.
I only get into this state of mind on my darkest days.
Most of the time it’s ABOUT someone
But right now, I’m in my self-criticizing phase.
Years of allowing abuse got me into this debilitating state of mind.
And I was my own downfall
Now every single emotion is intertwined,
While still not wanting to change a single thing at all.
Would I still be the same person if not for the sorrow?
Would my life actually have changed?
Or would all of the pain still come tomorrow,
And all my memories just rearranged.
I really am so blessed with the people in my life today,
But why do I still feel so numb ?
I feel like my logic has gone astray
But in the end it’s something I’ll overcome.
I’ll always remember, Tomorrow is a new day.
Mar 21
Mar 21, 2026 at 3:23 AM UTC
There comes a time when you will meet someone. This someone will be a tiny crush at first. Youll look their way to try & catch their eye, “run into” them in public knowing where all their favorite spots are.
Then, there comes a time where your heart feels bold. It cant contain the fire it feels for this other soul. It pushes you to say something or do whatever you can to be noticed by that one person.
Finally, there comes a time where you take a chance and you finally get what your heart has been craving, connection. This connection sends you over the moon with no intention of bringing you back down.
Until, it does. Yet you hold on to its comfort like a baby blanket.
You let the months drag on.
Days go by.
The spark fades. The fights increase
The gravity of reality starts to sink in.
You loved the comfort of not being alone. You loved being the hero and saving the lost soul that has been doomed to hell from the start.
An angel in a cruel world just trying to love the way she was intended.
This cruel world is no place for an angel with a heart of gold... yet, in her lies the only hope that this world will see.
She will make mistakes. Go down her own path for a while, but finally she will see why she was put in her world of turmoil and hurt.
She chose to be here to love the ****** and forgotten.
She chose to be the love in a place where all she felt was hate.
She chose to understand what its like to feel heartbreak to better understand humanity.
These moments of hell that she goes through only teach her the most valuable lessons of life.
Love will always be more powerful than hate.
Dont ever underestimate the power of kindness to those that need and repel it the most.
Dont hate anyone for everyone is on their own journey OUT of hell.
Nov 12, 2024
Nov 12, 2024 at 2:50 PM UTC
It's been a while since I've wrote a poem, or an entry
It feels like I haven't been honest in almost a century
Feelings are deeper that what we actually feel.
The emotions quickly turn into something more real.
Maybe anxiety or depression,
But let me tell you, it's all the same, a lesson.
I was once in a deep dark place,
Confronting the mirror, I couldn't look myself in the face.
Shadows clouded my every thought and emotion.
Making me feel as if I would never escape the commotion
All around me was help, yet I couldn’t seem to cry out.
I couldn’t move, and started to fill myself with doubt.
"Will they ever notice I need to be saved?"
"My voice seems to have completely caved"
All of a sudden, it felt as if an angel had come to my assistance
I gave them my hand with no resistance.
Slowly I was pulled towards life once again.
I saw things as if my life had just began.
Everything now glows with a new spark and fascination
Everyday I find more and more to give me inspiration
Once I allowed help to take its course on my destined path
I’ve learned to accept the truth in the aftermath.
Live your life with purpose,
There is much more meaning than what's just on the surface
Nov 12, 2024
Nov 12, 2024 at 2:44 PM UTC
Love is many things
Its in many different experiences and people you meet throughout your life.
Love can feel euphoric, but it also brings heartbreak .
Loving yourself is fufilling, until you are all alone.
Love is a tricky mind versus heart game.
Sometimes youre the runner up,
But other times youre on the sidelines.
Love is like life,
It has its ups and downs.
Yet every down comes with a tremendous lesson.
Each time love fails you,
You learn to love yourself.
And once you learn to love yourself again,
You are finally ready to find REAL love
Dec 26, 2020
Dec 26, 2020 at 6:06 AM UTC
Why do you continue to justify their behavior?
You think someone who calls you stupid, is a potential savior?
He put up a front in the beginning.
He made you believe that life with him, is winning.
Now where do you find your heart?
In a bigger ditch than it was from the start.
So stop and ask yourself one thing,
Are the lies, deciet and broken promises worth the pain?
Nov 22, 2019
Nov 22, 2019 at 1:02 AM UTC
•heartbreak hurts like a ***** because you let it...
You allowed it to consume your joy and happiness within yourself. You let someone else become the holder of your every fiber.. now you know that heartbreak is only brought on by yourself.
•people do what they want to do....
Regardless of anything that you know about a person, they can always surprise you. Don't take life too seriously, you are not the only one who is stubborn or independent.
•never ever EVER underestimate the power of being a woman..
Woman like the person you will become.. are the sole beginning to every mans life. You are an earth walking-god created machine that was given the purpose of creating more life.. where would they be without us?
•karma is real, so play your cards right..
"WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES RIGHT BACK AROUND..", "love thy neighbor as you would love thyself." Whatever you put into this world, will be spit back at you.. think think think.
•I can become extremely emotional..
... and yes it can be challenging, but it has also made me love deeper than I ever thought I could. Have sympathy for situations that most people would look past. I FEEL EVERYTHING. But I love infinitely. To a fault, but god may say the opposite.
•I will always be okay.
Just breathe and be present.
Mar 19, 2019
Mar 19, 2019 at 10:21 AM UTC
Oh this beautiful life we live,
Where no one wants to give.
We take and take until we have no space,
No longer time for face to face.
What has the world become?
We dance to the beat of our own off beat drum.
We hide behind glass and mirrors,
With the opportunity to hide our fears.
When did we get so blind?
The most beautiful thing is expressing your mind.
Our eyes were given to see the truth,
Yet we have been lied to all of our youth.
Our mouths were meant to spread joy,
Yet we use words like a used up toy.
How did we get so dumb?
Its as if our minds are dull and numb.
We feed it with decietful stories.
Ones that do not end in humanly glories.
We obsess over the negative companents,
And leave no room for glorious moments.
Who decided for us to become this way?
We are being strung along day to day
With no one to blame but ourselves.
Weve put intuition and instinct on the lowest shelves.
We can now decide to excell,
No more hiding in a hollow shell.
We need to bring as much love as possible,
A love that is not tossable.
Where do we start?
We go before society fell apart.
But that moment in history has yet to exsist.
We are the generation that the Earth has missed.
We can finally be the first to bring unity,
Even though the world is about destroying community.
We are the ones that need to rise above the chaos,
No one can stop us.
Why should we care at all?
Because in our hearts is a call.
A call to be the ones who do not discriminate race or social standing.
A generation where there is no branding.
A human race, that finally understands what it means to be human.
There is nothing more to it.
Jan 7, 2019
Jan 7, 2019 at 11:03 AM UTC
I still miss your everything.
The way you made me laugh at my most stubborn moments.
The way you smiled when I was being stupid.
Your stupid giggle when finding something funny on social media,
Immediately showing me after.
The most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen.
The color of tigers eye, shining in the sun.
The features of chiseled mountains that I want to lose myself inside.
Telling me I will be okay, pushing me to do more for myself.
Selfless love, yet selfish in all the right ways.
I just miss you.
I remember the distance.
The sleepless nights, wondering if the love was still there.
It wasnt for a long time, yet you knew that.
You hurt me most by pretending to be present.
Like a highschooler in class, barely putting in enough effort to graduate.
I was just a passing lesson in your life,
Although I wish I was more.
From me you learned how to love properly,
Your next will be blessed.
You learned patience, because thats all I was able to be with you.
You learned selflessness, I gave all I had to you (my mistake)
You learned loyalty, yet you never were to me.
You learned consequence, of losing what you loved all along, but not being capable of keeping.
You have yet to learn to live without me,
Seeing me with someone new.
You dont know what its like to miss me, because your stubborn nature will tell you its weakness.
You have yet to apologize, because you hurt me deeper than youve said sorry for.
And although these words will never reach your beautiful tiger eyes, I will always love you.
You stupid idiot.
Jan 7, 2019
Jan 7, 2019 at 2:59 AM UTC