Anxiety
A ball of prickling fire tearing beneath my sternum.
Fear
A bolt of electric ripping through my veins.
Depression
A cloud so thick is suffocates my soul.
Anorexia
Starving the outside from within.
Bulimia
Inhaling the world and purging it back.
Failure
Being crushed by society for all of the above .....
And still wondering why oh why is it me???
Why?
Nov 9, 2014
Nov 9, 2014 at 6:20 PM UTC
A wave of grey
A surge of anxiety
What was I doing here
Do I recognised this place
A dark cocoon
A low rising mist
A location only I hold
The lonely, heavy pull
Was this life
Alone with my mind
A dangerous predicament
A choice I have not made
Can you hear my screams
Or are they muffled like my mind
I see no route ahead
The path is fading quickly
I hold the rail
Longing for direction
No one sees me
There's no one here
I look up at the world above
Will I one day be taken there!!?
Oct 14, 2014
Oct 14, 2014 at 7:02 AM UTC
I've had a journey to Hell
And back
Yet.. The journey has had many lessons along
The way
The people good/bad
The traumas endured
YET
I stand proud
Proud as a King
Standing high on his throne
Pleased that he has reigned through hardship
He has now become a warrior
A tooled and skilled individual
Knowing that he is stronger now
Wiser and more precious to life
He has battled through wars and won
The most prolific war was that from within
To discover the peace that has been hiding for so long!
Now my queens ... I take this crown to place on my head
Knowing that I have battled to this point
The demons are now at rest
I breathe deeply
The journey continues ... Yet it's now with the Sun
Not a black cloud drowning my soul
Peace will prevail and all will be well!
I've fought this fight to enjoy NOT to endure
The beauty of life ... Now my demons have gone.
This day is a celebration to all
I love you so
My life line and foundation
That I'd have crumbled without
My heart is yours as you have given me life ❤️
Feb 12, 2014
Feb 12, 2014 at 6:35 PM UTC
You make my heart race
You make my love embrace
I twirl inside when I'm in your space
You make my soul sing
My heart ring
When all is dark
You are that light that shows me the way
With thoughts of freedom and inner peace
You inspire me to achieve
To DREAM ...and to explore
The outer world that's seemed so far
A loving embrace... A little look
Your tears of joy ... Project the peace I've found
The optimist that you are
Inspires my soul to return to a world
Not containing this HELL
My life and soul will be free
And for that my friend
I owe you my words
That show my love
For all of your support and through times of hell!
I love you my friend
Together as one ... Against the demon that we're fighting ..... always from within!
Amen Sister ❤️
Feb 12, 2014
Feb 12, 2014 at 6:17 PM UTC
I hate you
But I need you
You break me
Yet I pursue you
You burrow deep into
My soul
Weeding
Weeding out all
My inner fears
And presenting
Them to me proudly
Ev
er
Y
Day
I fear your power
Yet long your presence
You claw your way into
My guts
I purge you out
So many time
Yet every time
You remain within me
I pray for freedom
Yet hold the key
Scared you'll leave
Scared you'll stay
I need draining
Detoxing
Filtering
Burning
To rid your presence from
My time ...
What scares me most
Is how you grow
And pass among
The lonely souls
I long for a day
Where you are no more
A fleeting nightmare
A sickening joke
You've taken friends
Of many sorts
Never fussy
For your curse
Bulimia. Anorexia. EDNOS. Binge Eating
So many masks you own
I pray a day
when mine
Is
Thrown .....
!Eating Disorders need bombing!
Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 5:07 PM UTC
I'm rithing in my shell
It's expanding
Dropping
Exploding
In front of my eyes
I'm panicked
I'm scared
I'm huge beyond recognition
"Oh how well you look"
Such a difference
So much better now
Better
Better
By who's standards
I'm crawling in my skin
Too much skin
Too much fat
Tissue
Just too much me
I can't comprehend taking
Up this space for any longer
Reacting
Panic
Knowing I want more
Yet
Living trapped in this
Hugeness is killing
Me slowly ...
Nov 9, 2013
Nov 9, 2013 at 9:54 AM UTC
A single breath
A body so scarred
Internal torture
External pain
My body blesses me
The hell it's endured
My heart still beats
My mind still there
Battering it daily
Abusing its trust
Draining its energy
Hurts a must
My heart keeps beating
I'm not sure why
I owe it my everything
Until the day I die
Joined as one together
My body, myself & I
Nov 5, 2013
Nov 5, 2013 at 6:45 PM UTC
A dull ache
A familiar pull
Twisting guts
How many hours spent
With my head in a toilet
Straining till my eyes stream
My heart racing
This is the last time I say
Never again
Racked with guilt
Tears covering my swollen cheeks
Bulimia you say
"The one where you throw up"
Yeah it's just that ... Nothing else
No racing anxiety
Failing mind
Scared to see a reflection
Not caring if that
Little beating ***** continues
Praying for a helping hand
Why
Why
Why
Consumed by thoughts of food
Never allowed to rest
Keep moving
Never stop it says
Nothing is ever
EVER good enough
It tortures your every waking moment
Fat fat fat
It says
Everywhere
Greedy - ugly
Bulimia
"The one where you throw up"
If only that was just it ....
Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 7:06 PM UTC
The day you discover
Your greatest fear
Was just a fear
And
Not a reality...
Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 12:12 PM UTC
A hole in the Pitt of my stomach
A churning whirl of Anxiety
A constant need to DO
Do something
To fill that hole
An overbearing drive
To conform to the norm
My mind a haze of fluttering fear
The wish upon wish
Of being able to rest
Able to lay my tired bones
Scared I will never BE
The person that I never was
The normal balanced pretty soul
Please someone piece me together
All the shattered pieces of my being
A lonely pile of broken thoughts
Will I ever be a whole
Or just a broken mass of cells?
Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 11:46 AM UTC